Page 115 of Tormented in Silence: The Completed Duet

“What’s going on?” It comes out shaky, not strong, like I am trying to appear as my hands clench the sheets to hide their trembling.

He clears his throat and sits back in the chair. Almost as if he is trying to convince himself he is calm. “Get ready. We need to head downstairs and talk with Rage.”

“Are you alright? How did last night go?” I stand and take a step toward him, hoping to figure out what is going on with him. But before I can take another step toward him, he shakes his head.

“Get ready. We will talk later.” Then he picks up his phone and looks at it.

Dismissing me.

Refusing to let him see how that hurts me, I head straight into the bathroom and shut the door. Leaning against it, I take some deep breaths. Counting to five each time, I inhale and then exhale and repeat. It does nothing to calm me down from the impending anxiety, but it at least helps me breathe so I don’t end up passing out.

I step away from the door and start the shower, quickly getting in. I don’t know what is going on with him or what happened, but it can’t be good.

Was Ben there? Did they talk to him? Have they found him? What if his parents told him things that Ben had said to them? Has Ben been telling them lies about me?

Is this the moment? The one that has been sitting at the back of my mind since I met him and started falling for him? The one where my issues are too much, where I’m too broken to be with?

That thought makes me revolt anything I have eaten in the last day, which has been little, and I quickly hop out of the shower and make it to the toilet just in time to throw up.

Once I finish, I flush and sit on the floor, trying to make the dizziness stop before I get up and shut off the shower, which I left running. A few minutes pass before a knock sounds on the door. “We need to get downstairs soon. Hurry up.”

His tone is dispassionate. Emotionless. Nothing like he has ever directed at me before. Tears burn at the backs of my eyes, and I can do nothing to stop them from leaking down my cheeks. I slowly get up off the floor and stand at the counter to brush my teeth. I have to grip the edge of the counter as another wave of dizziness hits me.

God, this feels like… oh my God… it feels like when I was pregnant and my stress got too high. No. It’s too soon. Much too soon. I am just losing my mind and overthinking everything.

I quickly brush my teeth, gagging at the taste of mint in my mouth. When I finish, I quickly brush my hair and wrap the towel tightly around me as I leave the bathroom to get clothes. Jackson is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at nothing. He glances at me but then immediately looks away.

The thought of changing in front of him makes me feel vulnerable, and I can’t handle that right now, so I head into the closet and pick out simple leggings and one of Jackson’s hoodies, needing comfort even if he is the one being cold towards me right now. The whole time I stand in here getting dressed, I can’t stop sniffling. Trying to fight off the tears that want to explode out of me.

This is when I wish I could channel Raven, so I could be more assertive. Throw his attitude right back in his face, like I know she would. Demand he tells me what is going on before I even left the bed this morning, but I can’t. I don’t have it in me.

I walk out of the closet and Jackson looks up. His eyes soften a fraction as he stands and walks towards me. When he cups my cheeks, my eyes fall shut, and a few tears leak out. I feel his hot breath on my face as he leans in closer, but I keep my eyes closed. Scared that if I open them, I will ruin the moment.

“I love you. We will be okay. But right now, I am too angry to give you more than that. I just need you to remember that I love you.”

My eyes open as this feeling, a feeling like anger, like I felt the day I found out Ben had destroyed all my clothes, shoots through me. “What?” I demand, my voice wavering slightly.

He releases me and shakes his head. “Come on.”

And just like that, I broke whatever moment we had. This is why I say nothing. I can’t. Whatever is happening is my fault anyway.

He heads towards the door and like the weak person I am, I follow, not saying a word. We go downstairs and walk through the main room towards the hallway where the offices are. It is surprisingly empty out here. Mostly just club girls hanging around. And a prospect is behind the bar cleaning.

Before we get across the room, Raven appears from the kitchen and walks over to us. “Hey! Are you alright?” she asks when she notices my red eyes.

I nod. “Yeah, I’m good. Is Agnes around? I need to talk to her after I go talk to Rage with Jackson.”

She looks from me to Jackson before returning her gaze to me, her frown deepening. “She had to head home to talk with the current tenants that are renting her house about moving out early. She’ll be back later today. Pres, what’s going on? The guys are in church.”

I open and then shut my mouth, unsure of what to say.

“We need to go. You can chat afterwards,” Jackson grunts and then reaches for my hand, but I am too stunned by his rude tone towards Raven that I pull away.

I give Raven a small smile and then walk around Jackson and go to head towards the hall, but he grabs my shoulder and turns me, so we walk farther in the main room to the other hallway that goes downstairs. “Where are we going?”

“Downstairs.”

I sigh and head down. We go straight to the room they hold church in, but I hesitate at the door, my eyes going wide. Everyone is in here. Why am I here?

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