Page 116 of Tormented in Silence: The Completed Duet

Jackson nudges me inside the room and to an empty chair next to Stone. I look at Rage, who sits at the head of the long table. He gives me a small sad smile, and that immediately has my breathing increasing.

Deep breaths, Pres. You don’t know what’s happening. Don’t let them see you panic. This is not the time to panic.

Jackson steps up by Rage and grabs a pile of papers, dropping them in front of me. My brows furrow until I take in what I’m seeing, my eyes slowly going wide. If there was one thing I never ever wanted to think about again, it was this. The way my heart shatters seeing them again. My stupidity.

How unbelievably naïve I was.

“Wh—where did you get these?” I say quietly, not taking my eyes off the notes.

Jackson scoffs behind me. “Your fucking apartment. We went and saw Ben’s parents. Then yours. And then we went by your apartment.” He says it all so cold… without a shred of emotion.

They went through my apartment… He talked to my parents?

I feel… I feel violated, I think. I don’t know. But this feels so wrong. It’s wrong. He lied to me. Or he held the truth from me. But no, that is the same thing. He lied.

“You saw my parents?” My words come out stronger, and I silently thank myself for not stuttering. “You didn’t tell me you were going to. Or that you were going to go through my apartment. I should’ve known. I should have been there. You can’t—”

“What difference would it have made? You probably wouldn’t have wanted to see your parents, and you would have panicked. And would you have told us about the notes if we told you we wanted to check your apartment?” Jackson growls. He stalks toward me again and spins my chair to face him. I try to hold back my tears since we are in a room full of men. “Why the hell didn’t you tell anyone about the notes?”

“At the time, I didn’t think they meant much, I thought they were empty threats. By the time I really understood, it was too late,” I murmur.

His hands clench on the armrests of the chair as he levels with me with a look of annoyance. “Presley.” He lets out a humorless laugh. “That’s naïve. It’s fucking naïve. I’m sorry that I’m saying that, but it’s true.”

I hear Rage say something behind him, but I can’t look away from Jackson. This doesn’t even feel like Jackson. Like my Jackson. This feels like Axe. The tears that I have been holding back slowly trickle down my cheeks. Bile rises in my throat as I realize he is just confirming what I already know.

This is my fault. My naivety caused—it caused me to lose my baby, to get attacked.

It’s my fault.

I shove on Jackson’s shoulders and run out of the room straight into the bathroom that is across from the gym and puke again.

I know I have always dealt with anxiety and attacks, but I never threw up this much. Not until—until I was pregnant. Then any little thing that might set me off would have me running to the bathroom. Whether it was morning sickness or caused by my stress, I don’t know. Probably both.

I have a feeling—but I can’t. There is no way. No. It’s too soon. I can’t handle it. I don’t even know if I want to keep going…

This pressure in my chest is so strong I want to drown myself in alcohol or just—just not exist.

Existing shouldn’t hurt this much. I shouldn’t always feel so much pain.

Someone knocks on the door, and I slowly stand and pull the door open. “Here.” Jackson hands me a toothbrush, keeping his eyes trained on his feet. “Are you alright?”

“Do I seem alright?” My voice is hoarse. Broken.

He shakes his head, and his eyes finally meet mine. “No. I—”

“No. Not right now. Just, just give me a few minutes. I need to get my mind straight. Go have church. I’ll be fine.”

Letting out a sigh, he glances back at the room they hold church in. “I need you to come back in. There are a few questions you need to answer.”

I wish I was someone who knew how to lock down my emotions. Put on a mask and not let anyone see how I really feel, but I can’t. So I do the next best thing. I straighten my shoulders, hold my head high, and walk past Jackson back into the room, taking the same seat as before.

Once Jackson re-enters and shuts the door, Rage glances between us. “Okay, in some of these notes, Ben briefly mentions a flash drive. Can you tell us what that is about?”

I stiffen, and my mind immediately pulls me back to the few seconds of the video I saw. Attempting to shake myself out of it, I lock eyes with Rage and nod.

“I had a flash drive that belonged to him. I don’t know what was on it, but he was really bothered that he couldn’t find it. I used it to help me get out of the house. I think—I think one of the only reasons he let me come here was because I had it.”

Without giving me a chance to stop it, I find myself drowning in the memories of that day again.

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