Page 21 of Violent Reign (Violent Kingdom)

Or would it?

Nathan waits for me to go out the door and follows close behind while I pad down the hall to his bedroom. This isn’t about me anymore. This is about a baby. A baby conceived on myrealwedding night in Joshua Tree, with Rome. It’s why I’ve been so exhausted. It’s why my stomach has been turning for days.

And suddenly, inexplicably, it’s why I have to stay alive.

There was an out, before. I wanted to see Rome, yes, but if it got bad there was always that fantasy of escape via death. Not anymore. I can’t do that with this baby. With Rome’s baby. He deserves a chance to know. This baby deserves a chance at survival.

Nathan sticks his fingers into the back of my dress and pulls me to a stop. This one, like the one I wore for my engagement to Joshua, had to be sewn on two hours before I walked down the aisle. A metal tip presses coolly against my skin. Knife or scissors? I hold absolutely still, even though my instinct is to jerk away. I have to minimize cuts now.I have to stay alive, stay alive, stay alive.

He cuts into the threads one by one, snapping them off and then finally cutting through the fabric when it doesn’t come away from my skin as quickly as he wants. And then Nathan goes for the bridal lingerie. He lifts an arm above my head and cuts into the side of my lacy bra, shredding it. The panties he takes special care with. He uses a knife to cut through the front of them, letting the blade linger over my clit.

Stay alive.

Don’t think about it.

Do whatever you need to in order to stay alive.

Nathan guides me to his bed and pushes me back onto the mattress, arranging me as if I’m a doll. Hands under my knees, he spreads my legs wide apart and looks down at his prize.

I think of Rome’s eyes, and Rome’s hands, and sadness engulfs me.

“Perfect,” Nathan sighs.

Chapter Thirteen

AVERY

Nathan reachesfor my throat first and draws his finger over my pulse, then down the side of my neck, then over my shoulder. He turns my face from side to side, as if he’s inspecting me for damage. Searching for imperfections. He probably is. Part of my mind snaps off and becomes analytical, comparing him to the person in that cell who raped me. It’s hard to say if it was him or not. My memories don’t want to cooperate. The body shapes in my brain shift until the two of them were indistinguishable. Nathan must have had his way with me at least once while we were there.

He tweaks my nipples with cold fingers, one and then the other. To my unending shame they respond to him, stiffening to peaks.

I can’t help it. My body doesn’t understand that my mind is repulsed. Either that or my body doesn’t care if my mind is repulsed. My body is just trying to stay alive.

Tyler was telling the truth, wasn’t he?He was telling the truth. I replay the scene in my mind to distract myself from Nathan, who is currently dragging his fingers down between my breasts and lower, to my belly button. Tyler didn’t look away. He didn’t waver.He didn’t lie.

Nathan sucks in a breath through his teeth. “I’m looking forward to our first time.”

I blink tears away as I stare up at my duplicitous cousin.“But it’s not our first time, is it?”

His eyes drop lower, to between my spread legs. “You mean when you were in the dungeon, while Rome watched?” It’s sickeningly casual, the way he says it. Like I’m the one who put myself in that dungeon. Like he had nothing to do with it. Like getting kidnapped and tortured is run-of-the-mill.

“No. I mean before then. The first time.Myfirst time.” It’s all I can do to keep myself from being sick at the pad of his thumb teasing at my clit. So gentle. Small circles. He’s enjoying this. Strange—I thought he’d do it fast and hard and hurt me as much as possible. But no...Nathan’s smarter than that. He knows that making it feel good in any possible way will hurt me so much more.

He chuckles, a smirk flickering across his face. “Wow, Aves. I can’t believe you finally figured that out.” He sighs. “I’ve been wanting you to know that I took your virginity for years, and now you finally do.”

“Why?” I whisper. I’m not even sure I want to know the answer, truth be told. But I ask it anyway.

His eyes meet mine, and he won’t look away, even though he must see the hatred burning in my gaze. The betrayal. How could he?

“I was angry,” he said. “I was so, so angry that night. And then you were just… there, and I…” he trails off. I wait for him to say more. Angry at what? Is he sorry?

“God, it was beautiful,” he says in a low voice. “The way your body responded to mine. Like this.” He strokes two fingers into my folds and they come away glistening. Jesus, fuck.Guess he’s not sorry for what he did to me, then. The Hail Mary prayer comes to mind, as clear as if I was sitting in church.Pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death. I wish the hour of my death had already passed so I didn’t have to live through this.

But I do.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed, Avery. You couldn’t help it then, and you can’t help it now. That stuff I gave you back then, it was…” He mimes a chef’s kiss with his fingers and mouth. “It was so good. It made you so wet. So pliant. You held your legs open like a good little slut. You practically begged me to pop your cherry that night.”

Hot tears burn the corners of my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. If I start to cry now then I’ll never stop. Nathan wouldn’t like that. He would like that, but right now he wants the fantasy. Or maybe he doesn’t. I don’t know what he wants. I’ll never understand. The best I can do is give him nothing at all. Except that I’ve already given him so damned much.

---