Page 60 of Inked Beasts

I still can’t get enough of them, but I hate feeling like I’m sneaking around. I hate worrying about Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez finding out about us. The last time I went to their house for the family dinner, I don’t think I breathed the entire time, and the following week, I made an excuse not to go, which felt even worse.

I know what we’re doing needs to stop, but I feel like I’m in quicksand—if quicksand were a supremely enjoyable thing that gave you endless orgasms—and I have no idea how to stop sinking deeper.

Even though wedding planning at Belle Epoque slows down during December, the rest of the meetings staff is in high gear managing a tightly-booked schedule of holiday parties, both personal and corporate, so I pitch in to help, and it provides a good excuse not to think about the fact that the current state of my personal life is unsustainable.

The month passes by quickly, and Las Vegas, for all its artificial glitz and glamor, is truly beautiful with all of its over-the-top holiday decor. It’s frustrating not to be able to get out and enjoy it with my men. No more shopping with Gage, no nighttime bike rides with Thorn, no gallery visits with Kai.

The sex we have together more than makes up for what I’m missing, but it’s not exactly what I’d call a relationship.

Even though I get to see Thorn at the resort almost every day, I purposely keep my distance unless I have to speak to him about a menu, because the last thing I’d want is for Clare to think I’m getting my personal life entwined with my professional one.

All of it is sweet torture, and I don’t know if I’m sad or relieved when the work winds down and it’s almost time for me to fly home to spend Christmas with my mom.

I’m looking forward to seeing her, but I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about spending the holiday without my men, especially because I know I need to use my time away to grow my resolve and develop a break-up plan for when I return.

What we’re doing can’t go on forever, and I need to be strong enough to stop things. I need to do what’s right for all of us.

But first, we’re spending one last night together before I leave.

We’re gathering at Thorn’s, because he has a special menu prepared, and I’m dazzled as soon as I walk into his kitchen.

“How long have you been working on all this? Did you start right after Thanksgiving?”

“Just today, though I prepped a few things earlier this week.” He’s mincing chives, and it’s amazing how a small motion can make his biceps flex in such a mesmerizing way.

But the food temporarily draws my eyes away from him. “This is incredible.” There are conservative portions—just enough for three large men and me—of more dishes than I can count: individual shrimp cocktails, a plate of stuffed mushrooms, little triangles of puff pastry that appear to hold cranberry and a creamy white cheese, skewers with tomato, mozzarella, and basil … it goes on and on.

“You should have warned me not to eat lunch,” I tell Thorn. “Can I help you with anything?”

“No, it’s all set. I just needed this garnish.” He sprinkles the chopped herbs onto twice-baked potatoes, the bright green providing a perfect contrast to the creamy cheese and bacon, and then steps close to give me a kiss.

I’m torn between craving the food and craving him.

“Where’s your wine opener?” Kai asks as Thorn and I pull apart. He’s holding two bottles in his hand, one white and one red.

“Top drawer, to the left of the refrigerator.” Thorn hands me a small bowl of spiced pecans. “Could you take this into the dining room?”

There, I find Gage lighting the final candle in a cluster of votives housed in glass cylinders of varying heights. They’re the perfect accent to a beautifully understated table set in red and silver. I can’t help but think how elegant this would look at a winter wedding banquet.

“Hi there.” Gage’s arms come around me as soon as I set down the dish.

“Hi yourself.” His kiss is warm and tender.

I tilt my head toward the kitchen. “Does Thorn cook like this for the two of you every Christmas?”

Gage’s laugh rumbles up from his chest as he shakes his head. “This is all for you, love.”

Love.

The word echoes in my head as Thorn and Kai come in, their arms laden with platters, and it continues to play on my mind throughout our holiday meal, though the delicious food does a good job of keeping me in the moment at least some of the time.

“You really should consider doing this for a living.” I tell Thorn as I hold up a savory bacon-wrapped scallop before making it disappear in my mouth.

He grins back at me. “I’ve thought about it.”

“It’s really wonderful how all three of you are putting your special talents to use in the world.”

“You say that as if the same isn’t true for you.” Gage’s foot finds mine under the table, giving me a private caress.

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