Page 91 of No Regrets

“So, if he’s not pushing you, why are you scared? There’s no rush. No timeline to when you might feel like you want to try.”

Kelly stared at her water bottle. Why was this so hard?

“Do you think you might want to try?” Claire asked softly. As always, she’d hit the nail on the head. Kelly nodded.

“Is that crazy?”

“Of course, it’s not crazy.”

“But it’s too soon, right?” It had been four months now, but sometimes it still felt like yesterday she was curled up in that dirty cell.

“The right time is when it feels right to you. No such thing as too soon or too long. You should only be concerned about how you’re feeling. No one and nothing else.”

Kelly drank some water while thinking about how she felt. In the past two weeks she and Dex had talked every day. Sent texts. All innocent and friendly, but also caring and warm. She got excited waiting to hear from him and loved their conversations. They’d had coffee a couple of times and he’d come over for pizza one night. He’d been pretty busy with the new job and sorting out his dad’s affairs. But they’d stayed in touch, and she felt safe and happy with him.

“I want to see if I can... you know... but I’m terrified,” she admitted.

“That’s understandable. Have you spoken to Dex about how you’re feeling?”

“No. I don’t want to lead him on. Tell him I want to take things further and then I freeze or change my mind. I don’t want to risk it, when we are finally in a good place.”

“Kelly. I have never met Dex, but from everything you’ve told me about him, his reputation on base, he doesn’t sound like the kind of man that would think you were leading him on.”

“You’re probably right.”

“He understands triggers, flashbacks. If he’s the decent man you’ve led me to believe, then he’ll be patient. He’ll understand. If you try and it doesn’t work out, it just means you need to wait a little longer. The key here is to be honest with him. Talk to him. You have an advantage here that Dex isn’t some guy you’ve just started dating. He’s someone you’ve known all your life, who you actually love, who knows what happened in Daram. He’s prepared.”

“Is he though?” She looked at Claire. “I don’t know what he knows about Daram. We’ve never spoken about it. And I’m damaged, scarred. It’s not the same body under these clothes.”

“Do you want to tell him about Daram?”

Did she? “Sometimes I do, because we share everything, and I feel like it’s hanging there silently in-between us. But then I think I don’t want to burden him with that. And if he hears all the details, it may change the way he feels about me.”

“Dex might not know all the details, but he knows what happened. He rescued you, saw your condition. It hasn’t deterred him so far. Yes, you have scars, physical and mental, but I’m guessing he does to.”

Well, yeah, Claire was right, Dex had both physical and mental scars too. Every operator did.

“I have a suggestion,” Claire said, smiling.

“I’m listening.”

“You’re feeling like you want to move forward. That doesn’t mean you have to go straight to sex. Cuddle, hold hands, kiss, pet. Take it slow. Just because you two have had a healthy sexual relationship before doesn’t mean you have to go straight back to that. Start with holding hands at the movies or something.”

Kelly smiled. “That actually sounds like a really good idea.”

“But talk to him, Kelly. Let him know. I’m confident he’ll work with you and do this however you want to do it. And talk to him about Daram. Ask him if he wants to know. Communication is what’s going to keep you both on the right path.”

For the first time since Cuba, Kelly felt a sense of anticipation, excitement even, at possibly deepening her relationship with the man she loved. She wanted to have the sexy, passionate love they once shared, even if getting there scared her half to death. If there was any chance for her, then Dex was the only man she wanted to try with.

“YOUR USUAL, DEX?” THE barista asked.

“Yes, Cara, thank you.” Dex smiled at the older woman. He’d been coming to this coffee shop since he was a teenager, and Cara was always here with a cheery smile.

This morning, he’d had to handle some of the estate paperwork for Pops and was only just now heading to The Farm. Grief was taking its toll on him. He never knew what tomorrow might bring, and this past week he’d spent too much time thinking about all the missed fishing trips, dinners, baseball games. All the times he’d canceled. On top of that, he was anxious about the threats. There’d been no further notes this past week, but that didn’t mean the threat was over. His gut told him it wasn’t, but Sam’s people had not yet turned up any useful intel. He needed to get out of this funk.

While he waited for his coffee, he shot Kelly a text. He wasn't burdening her with his shit but just talking to her made him feel better.

Dex: Hey babe, hope you slept well.

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