“Wow, right back to the grind. How about we get some coffee and chat before diving into the business, okay?”
“Fine, how about we have breakfast out in the courtyard?” I offered, with Kyle smiling at his small win. While he got our coffees, I said hello to my nursing staff on my way to my office. But, then, all I had to say was, “Kyle time,” Any conversation they wanted to have with me would have to wait until I chatted with my best friend.
“What are you doing in here?” I was startled by Paolo standing in my office when he wasn’t supposed to be.
“Cara, Dr. Ellen, I didn’t expect you to come in today,” he said, bouncing from one foot to another.
“Clearly, but I’m here, and I’m wondering what you are doing in my office, especially since the last time I was here, I remember locking my door.”
“Si, of course, you did, and all I was doing was a security check.”
“Thank you, Paolo, but I would prefer you not to be in my office unless I ask you to. Are we clear?”
“Si, I apologize, Cara Dr. Ellen,” I was going to say more, but then Kyle texted me, telling me he was waiting in the courtyard.
“I have to go, Paolo, please,” I gestured toward the door, and he left without another word. I felt uneasy, and that never happens, especially around staff members. I couldn’t think of this right now, but I took a minute to inspect my desk. First, I checked my desk drawers to ensure they were locked. Next, I looked around my office, ensuring everything was in order. It seemed to be, but then I wanted to check one more thing: my safe. I always carry the remote on me, which is disguised as a walking pedometer device. I’ve had to take the necessary actions to protect the clinic and my interests, especially after my parents died. I was their only living heir and inherited a fortune that would outlive me for several lifetimes. I would give it all up if I could have my parents back, but since they are gone forever, I can continue their work here in Italy. When the picture moved, the safe appeared before me. I did the usual five-point security check before it opened for me to reveal everything inside was in the order I had left it the last time I checked.
I wonder what Edric would say if he knew he wasn’t the only one well-versed in security? Everything in here is to secure my financial future. I hate how that sounds, but I grew up around money my entire life. I still could not shake my weird feeling when I saw Paolo in my office. It was clear he was looking forsomething, but what? I locked my door and would deal with the guard issue later or have Edric do it, which I don’t think would fare well for Paolo.
“So, tell me, how is GI Joe doing?” Kyle asked as he handed me my espresso.
“Apparently, he loves me,” I said as I tore off a piece of croissant.
“Duh, as if you didn’t already know.”
“If you didn’t notice, I’m pretty much a rookie in the relationship department. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m afraid I will scare him away.”
“Not a chance, not that guy. Come on, Ellen, what are you so afraid of?”
“Everything, and I can’t begin to describe how I feel.”
“Try; I’m not going anywhere.”
“He’s a sharer, which is a total parallel of me. I don’t know how it happened, but I suddenly became an open book around him and told him my darkest truths about my past.”
“Your parents?”
“Yes, the subject came up, and although it felt cathartic once I had it all out, I couldn’t hold onto it. Edric wants to love me, and a big part of me wants him to, and another part of me is so afraid to give my heart to him fully.”
“I’m surprised by that because from what you have told me about your parents and their love for each other, I think a person as loving as you are would want that too. Am I wrong?”
“No, you’re not; I’m not so different that I don’t dream of having a husband one day, children, and all the wonderful love my parents shared. You had to see them, Kyle, two people that couldn’t keep their hands off one another.”
“But? Come on now, don’t leave me hanging here.”
“A doctor knows that sometimes they will lose a patient no matter how hard they try to save the patient; I know andunderstand that fact from day one of becoming a doctor. When I think of my personal life, which I keep very separate from my work, it’s like this invisible force that will never allow me to have what Sabina found with Bourne. I’m afraid, and since losing my family, I’m destined to live alone because it was better than the alternative.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, and why should I? When I’d been holding back since I left Edric at my house. I wiped my eyes, and then Kyle leaned forward and held my hands in his, rubbing small circles on them. It always comforted me, and up until Edric, he was the only person I ever allowed to come this close.
“Feel better? Are you sure you’re not becoming a sharer too?”
“Yes, you always do the trick, and maybe he’s rubbing off on me. However, Edric wants the job and does not hear the word ‘no’ too often. I’m trying, and every time I open up and share something with him, he says something amazing, and then I retreat into myself and shut him out. He doesn’t deserve an indecisive woman who doesn’t trust her mind and heart. So I tell him one thing and do another. Who does that?”
“A woman in love for the first time in her life. You love him, and it scares the hell out of you. Take a step back and look at it from all sides, and you will know and believe this is a good thing. He’s a good man who would walk through fire for you if he knew he would get you on the other side.”
“Ugh, more tears,” I said as he handed me another tissue. I was relieved it was just us out here because I don’t think I would have been able to hold back my emotions even with people around. I wiped the last tear and felt reborn. I was tired of being a workaholic doctor without a life outside the clinic. I wanted more, and he’s already proven to be up to the task of taking me on, so why fight it? Why fight him and my feelings when they all belong to him?
“I love him, Kyle; I have for a while now. What do I do? How do I handle these new feelings?” the questions gave me a headache, but to my best friend’s amusement, he loved it.