Page 22 of Hurt for Me

Angel’s expression turned somber again. “Are you going to say anything to Lily?”

Hearing her say it was like a jump-scare to Rae’s heart. “No. I doubt anyone she knows reads that asinine site. Besides, we have enough damage control to worry about, and Mr. Diaper Pants will be here soon.” She started pulling her strawberry-blonde hair back into the tight bun she usually wore for client sessions. “Will you please get his bottle warmed up?”

Angel pouted as she made her way to the small kitchen they had in the back. “I don’t have enough coffee in my system for this shit.”

Rae doubted there’d be enough coffee in the world to get through the hell they were certain to face.

CHAPTER 15

RAE

2009

It took two solid weeks of begging her, but Rae finally convinced Viv to teach her a little about her dominatrix work. Although she didn’t outright say it, Viv seemed more open to the idea after she took Rae to her first prenatal-care visit, and they confirmed the fetus was okay.

Rae had felt like she was having an out-of-body experience watching the little blob on the ultrasound screen. She knew it was real, that she was pregnant long before the visit to Planned Parenthood, but hearing the rapid heartbeat of the fetus was a jolt of reality she didn’t expect. Eleven weeks along. Dread speared through her at the thought of something taking over her body again. For so long, she hadn’t had a say in what she did or did not do with her body, and now that she had the choice, she was suddenly torn. If she kept the pregnancy, everything in her life would be different. If she didn’t, one of the biggest reasons for her having the strength to escape the house in California would be gone. And her chance to be a better mother than her own would be gone, too, at least for now.

All she could do was listen to her gut, the one thing she knew she could trust aside from Viv, and her gut said to keep it. So, she scheduled a follow-up visit and bought more prenatal vitamins with her meager earnings.

After Viv agreed to teach her, they both made time on a Saturday for the training, which was in the living room, the most spacious area in the condo. Viv had various instruments laid out on the coffee table, ready to go over each one with Rae.

“The first thing you need to know about BDSM is what’s commonly referred to as SSC—safe, sane, and consensual,” Viv said. “It’s the cornerstone of what we do. Everything must be done in the safest way possible, all who participate must be of sound mind to consent, and all involved must consent before you do anything. Do you have questions about that?”

“No.”

“The first aspect we’ll go over is impact play. There are two basic categories of sensation with impact play.” Viv held up a paddle that looked like the kind a person would play Ping-Pong with. “There’s sting-y and thuddy. The bigger and wider the implement you use, like this paddle, the thuddier the sensation will be. But using something thin like this ...” She held up a black leather whip Rae was sure could cause some major damage. “This is not only a stinging sensation. It can easily harm a person if you’re not careful. And we never want to harm a person.”

“But isn’t that the whole point? To hurt them?” Rae said, thoroughly confused.

“Hurt, sure, if that’s what they want. But never harm.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Hurt is temporary, but harm is long term. And harm can also go much deeper than physical pain. It can damage the psyche. Do you understand?”

Rae nodded. She knew that kind of pain.

“So, to recap, bigger, wider is a thuddy sensation, and smaller, thinner is a sting-y sensation. Some clients don’t know what they like until you ask them questions first, and some will know exactly what they want and how much force they want you to use, which brings us to where you should strike on the body when doing impact play.”

Viv picked out what looked like a riding crop from the coffee table.

“Give me your hand.”

Rae tentatively held out her hand, and Viv lightly but firmly tapped it with the crop.

“First, what sensation was that?”

“Sting-y.”

“Correct,” Viv said with a slight smile. “Now imagine if I would’ve hit your face with this.”

Rae backed away from her.

“I said imagine. I would never use this on anyone’s face because we never touch any part of the face or head with impact toys. We also avoid feet with certain toys, and calves, any major organs, particularly the kidneys on either side, the stomach, and the spine.”

That sounded like most of the body to Rae. “Then where do you hit besides the butt?”

“Generally, the meatier the area of the body, the safer it is to hit during impact play. So, the upper back, buttocks, thighs, and you can do some light tapping of the breasts and genitals.”

---