Page 81 of Unloved

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Jenika’s voice interrupts my conversation with another person from the group.

“I’ll be right back,” I murmur, offering them a small smile and then turning to see her.

“It’s really good to see you,” she says. “I had a feeling you might’ve been avoiding me.”

“I was,” I say truthfully.

After finding out that the gym was Jenika’s, and knowing I broke the cardinal rule about drugs on the premises, I was filled with an unrivaled amount of shame and embarrassment.

It’s one thing to fuck up when your father is nothing more than a rich prick, but it’s another to trash the life’s work of someone you’ve grown to respect and care about.

“I didn’t know how to make amends.”

“You work at the gym for free, Rhys.” She tilts her head. “That seems like some kind of amends to me.”

“It’s not free,” I argue. “You pay me.”

“Peanuts,” she says. “I pay you peanuts.”

I hike my shoulders up to my ears and hold my hands out. “It is what it is.”

“I’ve been keeping tabs on you through Arlo.”

I cock an eyebrow at her.

“I know, it’s not very professional,” she says, chastising herself. “But I was worried about you. And he didn’t breach your confidence, just told me things on a need-to-know basis about my employees.”

A chuckle rumbles in my throat. “Seems very professional.”

If there’s one thing my relapse has taught me, it’s that a lot more people give a shit about you than you think. In those moments you always feel so alone. So helpless and assume not a single soul can help you.

Turns out, if you ask, you will find someone.

My head swivels around the room, searching for Lennox and Samuel, only to find they’re already looking my way. When I met them, all I could see was the way they fit with one another, the seamless way they read each other’s thoughts and fulfilled each other’s needs. How beautiful they looked with each other, how much love and respect surrounded their relationship.

I think they’re perfect for one another, and it is as easy as breathing loving both men, but it’s what it feels like to be loved by them that is the real treasure. I am loved unconditionally. I am loved more for every flaw I have. I am loved for my mistakes, and I am loved for my mishaps. I am loved for my sins and my scars.

They love me and all my imperfections.

For some, it’s till death do us part.

For others, it’s through sickness and health

For us, it is to hell and back.

I feel Jenika’s eyes on mine as the three of us get lost in a trance of each other. I chew on the corner of my bottom lip and raise a closed fist and release my thumb, forefinger and pinky all at the same time.

I love you.

Jenika reaches for my forearm, bringing my gaze back to hers. “Truly, Rhys. How are you?”

I can’t help but look back at them. “I’m happy. I’m really, really happy.”

ONE MISSISSIPPI

LENNOX: EIGHT YEARS OLD

Iplace my hand on my knee to stop it from bouncing and try to will away the ugly feeling inside my stomach.

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