Page 73 of Unloved

27

SAMUEL

Even hearing the words out of Lennox’s mouth doesn’t dampen just how much they hurt to hear. Everything else Rhys admitted didn’t faze me.

We’re all human and we’re all imperfect. It isn’t the first or the last time that we would assume we didn’t need somebody’s help, or we’re worried that we might be too much of a burden.

These things I can handle.

I can’t handle that he doesn’t know if it was an accidental overdose or not. I know it isn’t fair to put my fears and expectations on him while he’s in recovery and it’s all still so fresh, but his uncertainty is my biggest fear.

I do not want to live in a world that is too hard for him to live in.

I don’t want to live without him or Lennox. At any point. And maybe that’s the issue at hand. I haven’t been explicit in my feelings for him, and I need to be.

“You can’t die,” I blurt out. “If you feel like you don’t want to be here, promise me you’ll talk about it.”

My eyes meet Lennox’s and a pang of guilt hits me, but he puts his hand up before I’m able to say anything.

“Intention is everything,” he says. “Your intention is to not leave me out of the conversation, it always has been. And truth be told, sometimes conversations aren’t about me and they don’t include me. It’s going to happen. But, please, don’t stop yourself from telling him how you feel because of me.”

I mouth“I love you,”something we’ve been practicing, and he smiles and says, “I know.”

Shifting, I move myself underneath the blanket so Rhys and I are face-to-face.

“You can’t die,” I repeat. “You can’t die without talking to me. You have to let me at least try and help first.”

It’s so morbid to talk about suicide like it’s inevitable, but I don’t believe in leaving things unsaid, not anymore, not after my father’s death, and not after what happened with Rhys.

I grab his face with my hand. “It’s the only promise I’ll ever ask you to make,” I tell him. “Promise me.”

“I promise,” he says with a shaky breath. “I promise to always talk to you.” He offers Lennox a sad smile. “I’ll talk to you both if and when I need to. I promise.”

It’s a simple request, yet it holds such stigma and weight, and I want to make sure Rhys knows this is not up for discussion. It isn’t for either of them. But Lennox has been told time and time again, and if I have to repeat it one hundred more times to the both of them, I will.

“Good.” I bring his forehead to mine. “Because I’m in love with you, and I like to keep what I love.”

“I don’t think anybody has ever loved me before,” he says softly. “Besides Kayla, I don’t think I’ve loved anyone else either.”

The small admission lands perfectly on my heart as I watch Lennox come up from behind Rhys, wrap an arm around his neck, and kiss him on the cheek. “We’re not going anywhere. No matter what happens and no matter how bad it hurts. Nothing you do or say or feel is going to scare us away.”

Rhys turns his face enough for Lennox to capture his mouth in the sweetest kiss. When they part, Lennox whispers, “I love you.”

Rhys looks between us and then holds his hand out for me, tugging me closer.

Cupping the back of my head, he brings my mouth to his, and clearly does the same to Lennox.

Our lips move as our bodies rut and roll against one another. We’re all tongues, teeth, hands, and legs as I try to climb under their skin and they try to climb under mine.

Lennox’s finger ghosts the crease of my ass as Rhys and I grind our cocks together.

“I want inside you,” Lennox whispers. “While you’re inside Rhys.”

Rhys and I both moan at the visual, increasing the friction between us.

“Don’t blow it yet, I’ll be back to slick you both up.”

He slaps my ass as he leaves, and Rhys and I continue rutting and kissing, a sense of relief pouring over me for the first time in days.

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