Page 38 of Catch My Fall (Catch)

Shaking my head I asked, “What evil? Forgiveness for what?”

“This is bad, Mia. This is really, really bad. In my little girl mind, I had always assumed that Trace and Tristan’s parents were dead and that’s why they lived with the grandmother. When I was twelve, Trace told me the truth. Their mother, Lynette, was in college and was dating the football-player son of some rich guy. One night they were at his college frat house, and he date-raped her. She got pregnant and didn’t realize that she was pregnant for a few months, and when she did she secretly planned to get an abortion. Somehow her mother caught wind of it and Lynette confessed that she had been raped. Instead of agreeing that Lynette should have the abortion, Mrs. Chamberlain forced her not to go through with it. She was a very religious woman and she told her daughter that if she aborted her child, she would go straight to hell. The grandmother demanded that Lynette continue the pregnancy, and she did. After Lynette gave birth to the twins, she disappeared. She checked herself out of the hospital two days after delivery and left them behind, and no one heard from her until her mother was dying.

“Mrs. Chamberlain found her and begged her to come see her before she died and that’s why she came at all, but she refused to be in the same room or house as Trace and Tristan. The grandmother died when they were fourteen, and we were all shocked to find out that in addition to assigning guardianship to my parents, she had left half of what amounted to more than four million dollars to the boys. You would never have known that their Grandmother had that kind of money in the bank, not ever. It turns out that the family of the boy that raped her daughter paid the grandmother off after the twins’ mother ran off. Apparently she threatened to sue them for child support and rather than deal with the accusations that the old lady was making, they paid her off. When she died she left half of the money that no one ever even knew about to the twins and the other half went into a trust that her daughter could only access if she used a portion of it to help girls who got pregnant from rape. As far as Trace and Tristan go, the money is a touchy subject for them both. They’ve used some to buy their house and their cars, and they’re using it to pay for college, but they’ve also been donating to Women’s Shelters and organizations that help victims of rape.

“They’renever going to be able to forget that they were conceived under such horrendous circumstances and the money is a reminder of that. Their mother came to Mrs. Chamberlain’s funeral and she wouldn’t even look at her sons until seconds before she was leaving. When she did finally look at them, she told them that they looked “just like the rich asshole” that ruined her life. If they weren’t fucked up before that, they were after. My mom and dad did a lot of work trying to counteract what had been done to them by their grandmother and their mother, but it’s always there, just below the surface.”

“They were raised to believe that they’re no better than Devil’s spawn. They were told that they were unclean and unworthy. Think about what you see at their house—it’s immaculate. If they weren’t on their knees praying, they were scrubbing away the imaginary filth that their grandmother insisted was around them. She beat it into their heads that they were born of evil and had to repent so they didn’t turn out like their father, and that fucked them both up more than you can imagine. My family and I are the only people that know because both Trace and Tristan have always been too embarrassed to tell anyone that their father is a rapist and their mother hates their guts.”

I cried my eyes out for my poor beautiful boy, so full of good that even nowhe was trying to make penance for something that wasn’t his fault. Now I understood why he and Trace taught self-defense classes, why they were both so anti-frat party, and why they had small gatherings at their house with people who weren’t inclined to party hard. Remembering Tristan jumping up and off the bed when I saidstopbroke my heart. He must have felt like such shit in that moment.

My father is a horrible human being, but at least I had my amazing mother. To be raised knowing that your biological father is a rapist and your mother hates you would be hard enough, but having someone tell you that you’re evil would’ve made all that psychological trauma even harder to work out.

While I was crying Darby’s cell phone rang, and when she answered I could tell that she was talking to Trace. Whatever he was saying to her shocked her because she gasped. I tried to listen, but she stood up and walked into the bathroom and the rest of the call was conducted in a whisper. That wasn’t doing my frame of mind any favors, and I proceeded to make myself crazy as I tried to imagine what Trace had said that made Darby gasp. She came back a few minutes later, white as a sheet and dropped down on the bed next to me.

“Mia… did you know that your friend Macy is pregnant?”

“What? No! She’s not pregnant. Why would you think that?”

“Because when you told the story to Tristan, you said that Macy’s in a facility called Choices forty minutes away. Opening Choices is what Trace and Tristan’s mother did with the money that their grandmother left them.”

I shook my head emphatically as though it would make her words go away. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean Macy is pregnant just because she’s there…. Right? Her mom said it was a special facility that helped girls who were raped.”

“Well, it is that, but it’s specifically for girls who were raped that got pregnant and chose not to have abortions. She wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t pregnant. They do a lot of counseling to get these girls back on their feet and they help them through the process of deciding whether to keep their babies or give them up for adoption. Choices is about healing after the unthinkable, and as far as I’m concerned, it’s the only worthy thing Trace and Tristan’s mother has done since the day she had them.”

Looking down, I saw that my hands were shaking. Every time I think that I’ve finally landed on my feet, another layer gives way and I’m falling all over again. There’s only one person that I want to see right now, only one person that I trust to hold me together.

“Where is he?”

“Trace caught up with him a few blocks away and took him home.”

“I need you to take me back there. Now.”

“No, Mia! That’s a terrible idea. You’re losing it and he’s already lost. I can’t do that to either one of you.”

“Get. Him. On. The. Phone. And. Tell. Him. That. I. Need. Him. I. Am. BREAKING. He’s the only one… I’m going whether he wants me there or not.”

Standing up, I ran for the door, just getting it open before Darby grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me backwards. “Stop! I’ll call him… I’ll go to the bathroom and I’ll call him. Give me five minutes.”

“Darby, you tell him that I need him more thanI’ve ever needed anyone before and I’m not going away.I need HIM.”

While she was in the bathroom calling him, I packed the mother of all overnight bags. Therewere at least four days’ worth of clothes and if I could fit another damn thing in the bag, I would. I’ve run scared my whole life because I’ve always felt that I’m unworthy or some kind of a burden. Where Tristan is concerned, I’m not running anywhere but straight back to him because I’ll fight for him until there’s nothing left to fight for.

Coming out of the bathroom, Darby stared at the bag with worried eyes. “He says if you really want him, he’ll never turn you away. Mia, he’s a mess right now. Are you sure about this?”

My answer was to pick up the bag and walk out the door. Seconds later Darby hustled after me with car keys in hand.

Chapter Twenty

The closer we gotto his house the calmer I felt. By the time we pulled into the driveway, all I could think about was seeing his face. I jumped out of the car before Darby had it in park and I ran up the sidewalk and through the front door as fast as I’ve ever run anywhere. My heart started beating again as soon as I saw him pacing the length of the living room, and after dropping my overnight bag I ran to him and jumped up onto him, giving him no choice but to wrap his arms around me to hold me steady.

“I choose you, Stan. I CHOOSE YOU. I can handle anything as long as you’re here to catch me. Don’t you ever run from me again, and don’t you ever say that you’re not good enough for me. You saved me, Tristan Chamberlain. Because of YOU, I’m living again. I won’t give you up, you stubborn ass!”

Setting me down on my feet he looked at me like I was going crazy. “Why would you ever choose someone like me after you were assaulted by someone who’s just like my father? How can you look at me knowing what I came from? I’m a mistake!”

Slapping my hand over his mouth I snapped, “Don’teverfucking say that again. The people who told you that should be beaten. You’re beautiful and you’re more compassionate than anyone I’ve ever known. Your being in the world makes it a better place. My dad is a sorry piece of shit who hates me for being born and doesn’t care that I was sexually assaulted. Do you think the fact that he’s a horrific human being reflects on me?”

“What? No! Of course not!”

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