Page 64 of Love and Order

“Or maybe, actually achieving this long-running difficult goal is unsettling for her. She identifies as the underdog, and now she is the top dog.”

“I thought Mom was the deep one,” Finn said, blown away by his father’s ability to see things so clearly.

“Nah, she gets all her good material from me.” His dad smiled. “So what can you do?”

“Be patient and wait?”

“Or keep moving forward with your own goals and see if she comes around. You’ve been debating about going back to the Navy. What about the junior partnership? Were you ever going to accept that if you did win it?”

“No, my heart isn’t in private sector law, as good as the money is. I have a meeting with the Navy JAG later this week. They’re going to spell out my options.”

His dad nodded. “Son, when you returned from every mission, it was like sadness had seeped into your eyes. Your mom and I were always terrified it would swallow you up, but here you are. Five years out, and we haven’t seen that sadness again until we met Hailey. Don’t get me wrong, she’s smart and sweet, but her heartaches are still with her. She may need a lot more time to come to terms with them. She may never believe she deserves the kind of love and family you’re willing to give her.”

Leaning forward, Finn let his father’s words settle around him. He knew his dad was right. So many of his fellow soldiers went to war and never returned, while others made it back but couldn’t move beyond the trauma. He couldn’t fix things for Hailey. He couldn’t even love away her pain.

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t tiptoe around Hailey’s pain or try to help her?”

“No, I’m saying tell her exactly how you feel and what you want in a partner. And be prepared for her not to be ready, ever.”

“That’s got heartbreak written all over it,” Finn said.

“You wouldn’t be the first man to love a woman into believing she deserved everything her heart didn’t dare to trust.”

“I don’t want to lose her.”

His dad’s strong hand landed on his shoulder in a comforting grip.

“I know you don’t, but that’s part of loving someone through the good and the bad.”

Finn had been avoiding that word ever since Hailey let him kiss her, but it rang true. He did love her, and if she wasn’t ready to let him, then he’d better get on with the pain.

On Monday, after a long day of triaging what needed to get done and more avoidance from Hailey, Finn stood outside her apartment door. He knew she was busy at work and there was now an invisible line between them because she was the managing partner of the rookies and he was still a rookie, but he’d expected more from her. They hadn’t had a chance to speak privately at all, and he was worried about what was going through her head. She must still be reeling from all the new pressure of the partnership and potentially had spoken with Maddox, but he needed to tell her his plan to resign.

Admittedly, he would choose her over working at Baxter and Stewart, but he didn’t want her to think he was resigning because he didn’t get partner. JAG felt exactly where he needed to be, and it was possible he could still work out of the Naval command in Washington D.C. And that meant he could still see Hailey all the time if she was still interested.

Now he just needed to tell her how he felt about her and let her decide if there was a place for him in her life.

She buzzed him up and let him into her apartment with a furrowed brow.

“I heard a rumor you were resigning,” she said.

“Sorry, I planned to tell you myself, but you were pretty busy today. I want you to know I’m not resigning because I think I deserved it over you.”

“Okay, then why?”

“I’ve said from the beginning, they would be foolish not to select you. I never doubted you were the next junior partner.”

“Does that mean you’re going back to the Navy? Because I’m not sure where that leaves us,” she said.

“I love you,” he blurted out, surprising them both.

“Wait, what? No, you don’t. You barely know me.”

“That’s not entirely true. I know I miss you when we’re apart. I worry if someone will catch your eye or be unkind to you. I know you make my heart pound and my hands itch with wanting to touch you. For two years, I’ve admired you and fought every desire to be close to you because I didn’t know how. You inspire me and challenge me. And I wonder if our kids will have blue or green eyes? Which can only mean one thing…”

“You have weird thoughts?”

“I have been interested in you since my first day at the firm when you told another rookie that if they didn’t understand the legal system favored the law breakers they were in the wrong profession.” He risked taking a step closer and gripped her shaking hand in his. “I fell in love with you over legal briefs, and I want to be together, for real.”

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