Page 28 of Beautiful Beginning

On most days, the answer would be a resounding yes.That’s when I had hours of study time. Had a good night’s rest, and not a million things running through my mind. That was before I became SGA president. Before Journey, and the newness of a relationship.

Did it matter to Dr. Chapman though?Hell naw.Stating any of the obvious wouldn’t result in any empathy from her. I’d seen a man walk in and plead with her for more time on a paper. He spent the night in the hospital with his pregnant girlfriend. Dr. Chapman still said no. Told him he should have taken his laptop with him.

So, instead I leaned on committing to do better. “It won’t happen again.” Whatever needed to get done, I’d adjust my new responsibilities. “No excuses.” I lifted my shoulders.

“Because excuses are tools of the incompetent, used to build bridges to nowhere and mountains of nothingness. Those who use them seldom amount to anything.” The Brundage Jr. quote was something I heard often. Hardly ever in reference to myself. “I suspect one day someone will quote you because you are great. Because you leave a resounding mark on this campus, and in your community. Not because you take all the skill, talent, and ambition and lose it when faced with adversity.” She continued, “I assume this new responsibility is a challenge.” She pointed to me. “One you must face and overcome.”

I nodded. “You’re right.”

“I don’t like to be right. I’d rather be understood.”

My eyes stretched. Either because of the adrenaline I had rushing into her classroom was starting to wear off, or because I couldn’t tell up from down in her comment. Whatever the case, I needed to slide on past Dr. Chapman. A simple nod and smile had to do.

“Get out of here, Mr. Brown. And I hope home to change into something more presentable.” Her eyes traveled the length of my body, and when her eyes met mine again, a look of disgust resided.

“Yes ma’am.”Because the last thing I need is for anyone to see me in sweats and a t-shirt. God forbid.

ChapterThirteen

Journey

Homecoming is the highlight of any fall semester at Hillside. But my last as a student on the illustrious campus? Oh, I was ready. Or I thought I was before my boyfriend went MIA. The week of events kept me busy. Between the parade, pep rally, and alumni meet and greets with the squad, I had little time. Still, I wanted to at least cozy up with Chaz at the end of the night. To rest in his arms, feel his lips on mine, and his body hovering over me.

Yet, since our night at the library he’d been ghost. After he told me tocome to himlike some sex god, he didn’t answer the phone. Hadn’t answered since. In my head, he secretly, or not so secretly, broke up with me. I thought the worst possible outcome. I couldn’t think what Whitley would do because, did Dwayne ever do something like that? My mind was drawing a blank.

“He’s the SGA president. He should be making appearances at these events,” I whispered to Nia as I sat in an auditorium seat. Granted the fashion show had nothing to do with SGA, and I didn’t see any of the other cabinet members in the audience. I assumed he’d be there. Showing his support.

He wasn’t, or at least from what I could see as I leaned forward and strained my neck looking up and down the aisles surrounding us. “Where is he?”

Nia hushed me and whispered, “Minding his business. Enjoy the show.”

I tried to ease into my seat and focus on the modeling troupes on stage. The many ways they turned blue and white into fashion ensembles worthy of a Paris runway. With the game the next day, I needed to relax. Enjoy the night before all eyes would be on us. Well, on the team, but we all suspected they’d flop. The band would be the main attraction, and until they were on the field, it’d be us. The cheerleaders tasked with pumping up the crowd.

“Okay,” I finally replied, “I’ll enjoy the show.”

But each guy resembling Chaz had me thinking of him. Guys with their hair shaved on the sides like his. Or any man with the peculiar point at the end of their nose. It reminded me that his wasn’t as unique as I thought. Don’t let the guy have caramel complexion with dark lips. I was out of my seat to stare him down under the dim lights of the auditorium.

When the fashion show was over, I searched the crowd outside. Couldn’t find Chaz anywhere. I checked my phone for the hundredth time. If it wasn’t for the texts from my homegirls I would have thought the cell company disconnected it.What if his phone was off?I tapped Nia’s arm and gave her my latest revelation. “What if he can’t call me? Or text. Phone got disconnected.”

“Or send a carrier pigeon?” She side-eyed me. “This campus isn’t that big. He could find you if he wanted to. Besides, he knows where we live. He could pop up and tell you his raggedy phone wasn’t working.”

“Oh.” I twisted my lips to the side. “Right.” And the more I thought of the ways he could have reached out but didn’t, I grew disappointed.

Nia placed a hand on my shoulder. “You are thinking about your ex. You can’t consider Chaz in that same boat from one mishap.”

“But should I? Aren’t we supposed to avoid obvious red flags. I’d call him ghosting me for a week ared flag.”

Nia wagged her head. “You have a point, but still. Don’t be too quick to jump to a conclusion. I’m sure there is a reason for it.” She pointed to a group of people standing across from us. “But in the event you’ve returned to the dark side of things, I’ll welcome you with open arms.” She gushed, “I mean look at these sexy ass alumni you could flirt with any one of them. Get you an established man who is already where you’d want him to be.”

I followed behind her to the group of guys. As she mingled I tried hard to hold basic conversation. Answering “Where are you from?” and “What’s your major?” with ease. Anything more than that was a test of my patience.

From bed that night, I tried one more time to reach Chaz. And nothing. I tossed and turned until I fell asleep. But it seemed like that was only for a couple of hours. Because when I woke up the next morning my eyes were still heavy, my brain a little foggy. And the pillow, it called my name.

As I dressed in my cheer uniform, I convinced myself that I wouldn’t spend the day searching for Chaz in the audience. I wouldn’t side-eye every man who resembled him. And I wouldn’t ask Nia or anyone else on the team for help with my looming existential crisis.

It was my last homecoming at Hillside. I would enjoy it whether I had Chaz by my side or not. Every other homecoming I enjoyed single. Why did this one have to be any different?

I made it to halftime without fumbling. Now, the football team, they fumbled the ball a few times. Only had one touchdown compared to the other team’s four. But still, the vibe on the sidelines was electrifying as our band took the field. I let myself focus on the songs, the formation, and the excitement from the crowd. With the crowd standing, and yelling behind me, I wanted to look over my shoulder and find Chaz. Find him with a random book opened topass the time.But I didn’t.

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