Page 29 of Beautiful Beginning

“Let’s go Bobcats,” I chanted till the end of the game. And although, the team lost, I considered my resolve a win. It wasn’t until I felt an arm on my elbow tugging me from the crowd that I lost it.

“Journey.” His voice was loud. Overcoming the noisiness of the crowd leaving the stadium. “Can we talk?”

I looked at the rest of the cheerleaders rushing to the locker room. Thought about joining them and doing to Chaz what he did to me—ghosting him for days.

“I’ve been trying to do that all week.” If I was going to talk to him, I wasn’t going to make it easy.

“I apologize. I’ve been extremely busy.” Then a frown formed on his face.

“No excuses though.”

“Because you aren’t the only one busy around here.” I held my pom poms down by my side. “Still, between events, late at night, anytime I had a chance I called.” I took a deep breath because I felt myself getting worked up. “All you had to do was answer. Tell me you’d call me back. Send me a text. Something.” My eyes narrowed as I watched his face change expressions. From a frown to his head hanging.

His hands went up and he said, “I can’t admit I did anything right this week. Not exams, not meetings with the cabinet, definitely not communicating with you.” He stared into my eyes. “Before meeting you, I led a quiet life. Kept to myself. I see now how hard it is for me to step outside of my comfort zone.”

“And you want to return to that?” I asked hating what the answer could be. “Life before me?”Without me?

He reached for my hands, held them tight within his grip. “Journey, I don’t know what I want. The comfort calls me back to it, and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to keep up with you. Keep up with this responsibility. If it’d be better for me to finish this out without hurting you.”

“Hurting me?” As if the knife in my chest could hurt any less. Or the breath struggling to fill my lungs would recover quicker. If he didn’t know, I was already hurting. All week without talking to him was a pain I didn’t want to bare.

Still, I didn’t want to walk away from what we had. Not if he was willing to try. “Are you not willing to try to make this work?”

“I want to fight the uncomfortable feeling I have. I want to defy my own odds. I want to work out every kink with you so that our relationship can be smooth.”

“Chaz, we need you for pictures.” Amya stood at a safe distance and looked between the two of us. “It’ll be quick,” she promised.

“Okay.” He nodded toward her. “Journey, can you call me tonight. Whenever you’re done. I’ll be at home.”

I didn’t lie when I said I’d think about calling him. Because the entire night that’s all I did. Shots, drinks, guys talking to me as we walked through the club, and still Chaz was on my mind.

I tried standing on the dance floor, falling into a line dance. Laughing at the alumni who tried to get into step with us.

More drinks, more shots, and still Chaz ran through my mind.

So, at the end of the night, despite wanting to play hard to get. To make him suffer for how he had me in my feelings all week long. Did I call that man?

I did.

I waited until we were back at the apartment. Showered, and in my bed before I attempted to call. In case he didn’t answer, I wanted my pillows to catch me when I fell. I needed that support if Chaz decided he didn’t want the pressure of leavingcomfort.In case he retreated into his safe space. Like a turtle, tucking his head into his shell. I didn’t have a shell to protect me. If he didn’t answer, I’d need the pillows to soothe me.

On the first ring I counted, it took two seconds for it to complete. And the space at the end, before the next started, it took a second. I eased into my pillows ready to brace for the fall, when on the second ring it stopped after one second.

“Hello.” His voice didn’t sound tired, not like I felt. “You called.” He sounded optimistic. Like he was ready to leave his shell behind. “Thanks.”

“I thought about not calling for a week.” It crossed my mind, but hearing his voice won out.

“That would be fair.” He sounded a little distracted. “But I’m glad you decided to have mercy on me. Another week without talking to you would have proved very difficult.”

I smirked. “Oh?” I shifted in my bed, finding a position that propped my head up on the pillows.

“Although we didn’t speak, doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking of you.”

“I would assume otherwise.”

“I can’t explain it.” He hesitated, and I shifted. “It’s like everything became overwhelming. When I missed your calls after the library, I fell asleep studying. I was late to my class that next morning, did horrible on the test.” He continued listing all the bad things that happened to him that week. “I had an impromptu interview for Hillside Chronicles. If it weren’t for Amya nearby, I might have fumbled on all the pillars we ran on.” Finally, he took a breath. “As much as I wanted to hear your voice, see your face, feel your body—”

“You kept yourself away from me.”

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