Page 44 of By Your Side

Adeline does a little happy dance.

Grinning, I get out of bed, folding the blankets and putting the bed away as she pulls things out of the fridge.

“Would you like to stay for breakfast? It’s the least I can do since making you sleep on the edge of the bed.”

Nodding, I finish tidying up as she whips up some eggs and toast. The slight awkwardness from sleeping in the same bed dissipates as we chat over breakfast, but there’s a lingering distance in her voice and eyes that I’m not sure how to handle.

After we finish eating, Adeline walks me to the door. She hugs me, looking up with a small smile. Cupping her cheek, I stroke my thumb over her cheekbone. The air between us thickens and her eyes dilate, but there’s a hesitance there as well.

Leaning in, I kiss her cheek. “I enjoyed decorating with you. I will see you later, okay?”

She nods, her disappointment is mixed with relief.

Opening the door, I step outside before I give in to the urge to kiss her.

twenty-seven

Adeline

Raelynn comes breezing in my front door, armed with wine and junk food, Elise on her heels with takeout containers.

After the impromptu sleepover with Owen and finding the scrapbook from Scott, I’ve spent the past couple of days in a spiraling yo-yo of guilt and telling myself I am overreacting, finally calling on my friends for a girls’ night.

Despite my best efforts, the guilt has eaten away at me since that night and the subsequent morning.

“We have everything we need to veg out and talk all night if we need to.”

They lay everything out on my table. Their serious expressions would be comical if I wasn’t already stuck in my head.

My stomach growls with hunger, so I grab plates and we dive into the Chinese food Elise picked up from the town over.

Raelynn and Elise don’t ask about why I called them. I just said I needed them to come for support and they showed up.

We talk about what we did all day over dinner, their presence already comforting me as I finally set my fork down when my plate is empty.

Taking a deep breath, I get up and grab the scrapbook.

“The other night, Owen came by and offered to help me decorate my tree. In the ornaments, he found this.” My voice chokes as Raelynn takes it from me and opens it, her breath catching. “Scott loved me so much. He had made this and must have wrapped and put it away before November, knowing I would find it when I pulled out the holiday décor. And here I am, moving on with someone new barely a year after he passed away. The guilt is eating at me.”

They flip through the scrapbook as I ramble on about how I feel like I’m betraying Scott, his heart, and our marriage.

There’s a collective whoosh from them as they reach the final page, their eyes turning to me with twin expressions of empathy.

“Wow, Adeline. This must have been shocking and emotional to find.” Elise comes around the table to sit next to me, putting her arm around my shoulders. “It makes total sense it would lead to doubts and conflicting emotions.”

Raelynn nods, moving to my other side. “Absolutely. You both loved each other so much, had a joyful life together and there it was on the pages for you to see.”

“In the presence of Owen,” I mutter.

Raelynn starts to say something but stops.

“I asked you here because I know you will be supportive but honest. So please say what you want to say. Am I a horrible person for starting something with Owen this soon after Scott’s passing?” Closing my eyes, I think about the morning after. The ease that conversation flowed with Owen despite my guilt. He didn’t push me or make me feel bad about being off. He took it in stride and still made me feel appreciated and valued. And his words the evening as he supported me in my emotions, were everything I needed to hear. But the idea that in some way Scott is looking down on me, the weight of the guilt overpowers that.

I can feel their eyes on me.

Raelynn finally sighs. “Adeline, you can still love Scott and honor him while letting someone in. Life isn’t always perfectly timed. It’s okay to move on. It doesn’t diminish the love you shared with Scott.”

“Think about it this way: would Scott want you to be happy no matter what?” Elise asks.

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