Page 48 of By Your Side

Taking a deep breath, I meet his gaze with sad eyes. “When I was in the market, I heard a couple of women talking about how great a father you would be and how we would have adorable children.”

His brows pinch together. “Okay? I don’t understand why that would upset you. I know it’s too soon to think about, but people love to talk.”

Licking my lips, I pull my hand away and rub my palms over my thighs. “The thing is, I can’t have children. Scott and I tried for a few years, including several rounds of IVF. Children aren’t in my future. We both got tested and my uterus isn’t a good environment. Even with IVF, they said my chance of getting pregnant was low, but we wanted to try anyway.”

I look away, giving him a moment to process.

The silence is heavy until I finally can’t take it anymore, glancing at him.

“I see. I never really thought about whether I wanted children until you.” He swallows, not continuing.

“Owen, it’s a lot to process. I’ve barely been able to come to terms with it, and I’ve had more time. I know this impacts where this relationship goes, so please take some time to think about what this means for you. No pressure from me.” My voice is soft as he looks at me before looking away and swallowing hard.

He nods. “Okay.”

We don’t stay on the lake for much longer, Owen dropping me off at home with a kiss and a promise to call me later.

After he drives away, I let the tears I’ve been holding in fall.

Dialing, I sob into the phone when Raelynn answers, “Can you please come over?”

She agrees and within twenty minutes my front door is opening.

I’m prone on the couch, the dogs not leaving my side to even greet her, Nora curled behind my knees.

“Hun, what happened?” She crouches next to me, her hand taking mine.

Wiping my eyes, I sniffle. “I had to tell Owen something today which could end our relationship.”

Filling her in on what happened, sobs wrack my body when she pulls me into her arms.

“I’m so sorry, and I understand more than you know.” She holds me close until my cries stop.

“I haven’t told him, but I love him and I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to hold him back from the life he deserves. I had to tell him so he can make an informed decision.” Sitting up, I take the tissue she offers me.

We sit in silence, and I appreciate that she’s not trying to make me feel better with empty words.

Raelynn goes to the kitchen, rustling around as I curl up on the couch in a pity ball. Dozing off only to wake to an amazing smell.

“I made a stir fry. You need to eat.” She brings me a plate before grabbing one for herself and joining me on the couch.

Eating, I slowly feel a little better. I know Owen needs to make the decision that feels right for him and I will pull through regardless. I’ve recovered from a broken heart before, I can do it again.

“Thank you for being here for me. I appreciate that I have an amazing friend I can call when I need them.” Unlike Lizzie, I know Raelynn’s heart is in the right place. I’ve learned so much and grown so much since I moved here.

This place is healing and I can heal from this too.

“Any time, I am always here for you.”

We chat idly about things going on in her life, the distraction welcome. It’s dark by the time she leaves but I’m feeling a lot more settled.

As I get ready for bed, I glance at my phone, but there’s no word from Owen. My heart aches as I turn it off and crawl into bed. Burying myself into my blanket, I close my eyes and promise myself to be strong. Life is too short to fall apart when something isn’t right. I’ve done too much work to get to where I am to let this take me down, as much as I hope he will be okay with having no children.

twenty-nine

Adeline

Aside from a text the next morning letting me know he’s taking his time to process and he cares about me and will be in touch, I haven’t heard from Owen in five days. They’ve been long and empty.

---