Page 6 of Why Not Me?

“I hit you pretty hard yesterday. Hang your coat over there and then sit on that exam table over there.” The gravelly tone of his voice reminds me of every time we were together. It’s the first indication that he might be as impacted by my presence as I am his.

I hang my coat, the burn of his eyes as they track me feels familiar. When I turn around, I let myself meet his gaze straight on. He’s intent, his blue eyes darkening as we stare at each other. I examine every feature, every twitch. And I see it. He feels everything I feel.

The realization that this feeling isn’t one-sided is overwhelming. For so long I told myself I imagined our connection, but I know I’m not imagining this. So, what changed? What happened that night to make him so cold? Why her when the connection we have is so intense, so consuming?

Landon is leaning against the door of his car when I leave work, chewing on my lower lip, I lock up with a barely restrained smile. He grins when he sees me, his long legs closing the distance between us. Waving goodbye to my coworker, I wrap myself in his arms.

“I didn’t think I was going to see you today.” Closing my eyes, I breathe in the yummy scent of his cologne.

“I told Melissa I was going to wash my car. I needed to see you,” he rasps, the desperation we feel in these stolen moments evident in his voice.

Pain lances through me at the mention of her name. I know the situation is complicated, but I wish we didn’t have to sneak around while he deals with the end of their relationship.

He feels me stiffen in his arms.

“This isn’t forever, Allie. I promise. We have something here, something that’s been missing in my life. I just need more time.”

He always needs more time, but when he tilts my head back and brushes his lips across mine, I let it slide. I know they’ve been through a lot together, I just hate this place we’re stuck in. It was never meant to go so far.

“Okay,” I agree. It feels wrong, but the idea of losing him is too painful. Maybe this time he’ll follow through.

He locks the door, the loud click distracting me from the memory. My stomach fills with knots as I walk over to the exam table. Licking my lips, I hop onto the smooth, vinyl surface. Unable to tear my eyes away from Landon, I watch every movement he makes as he picks up a clipboard and pen before striding over to me.

His fingers start probing my neck, pausing when they get to my thundering pulse. I’m looking over his shoulder, avoiding the bright blue gaze I know is trained on me. He sighs, continuing his examination as he asks the question I was both hoping he would ask and wishing he wouldn’t.

“Should we address the elephant in the room?” His voice is cautious, quiet.

He continues his inspection, his eyes on what he’s doing while I ponder what I really want. I can feel him look at me as minutes pass and I still don’t say anything. When he comes to stand in front of me, I finally meet those brilliant blue eyes and I can’t look away. I always loved his eyes. They’re the color of sapphires, but the iris is rimmed in a gorgeous green. There’s heat there as they flick between mine, and the urge to lean forward is like a force pushing on my back.

“It’s been seven years—are you sure you want to rehash everything?” Now that the offer is on the table, I don’t know if I can handle what he has to say, even though I know I need to hear it and he needs to say it. Face to face. The truth, out loud.

“I wasn’t talking about that, I was talking about how, after all this time, our attraction hasn’t lessened and how badly I can tell our lips want—no need—to touch right now.” His hand wraps around the back of my neck squeezing in the way that makes me dizzy with want, his head tilting down as my pulse takes off again.

Heat flares in my belly from a low burn to an inferno.

For a brief second, I find myself leaning in, my chin lifting out of instinct, but then I freeze. I’m a horrible person. With tears in my eyes, I turn my head at the last moment. The soft press of those full lips against my cheek breathing a fire into my soul I haven’t felt in so long.

“Landon, I can’t do this. I have a boyfriend. I can’t—I won’t go through this again.” I choke out the words, my voice cracking. “The last time shattered me.”

He breathes in a shaky breath as he drops his hand, his eyes somber. “Our timing has always been shit.”

Nodding, I grimace at the motion. “Maybe we should just finish up here.”

Silence falls as he completes a variety of movement tests. The only words are requests to move my body this way or that way. By the time we wrap up, I have a list of exercises to complete three times a day and a demand to return in a week.

The door beckons, an escape from this torture. Slipping my feet into my shoes, I pause when Landon speaks from behind me.

“Allie, every moment from that night, every moment since I hung up that phone after hearing your voice for the last time, I’ve been filled with regret. I’d like to explain myself, if you’ll give me the chance.” He lifts my jacket from the rack, holding it for me while I slip my arms into the sleeves.

A shiver runs through me when he runs his hands down my arms, almost as though he can’t help himself, or maybe it’s completely unconscious, the same way we used to just move together. This is how it’s always been between us, this spark that neither of us seem capable of denying. It’s intense and explosive, and it’s wreaking havoc on my heart.

I look up at him, hugging my arms around myself. “Okay.” The word is barely audible, but Landon hands me his cell phone, primed for my phone number.

Typing it in with shaky hands, I give it back to him and slip out the door with a quiet “goodbye.”

It’s just for us to get closure. It means nothing.

A small, bouncing ball of gray fuzz greets me as I walk in the front door. Crouching down, I pick up PeeWee and hug him to my chest. “Hey, buddy!”

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