Page 28 of Why Not Me?

Setting my purse on the floor, I wander through the boxes mentally checking that everything is here and in its place.

Another way Dawn was my savior, she recommended the top three moving companies and we found one that would move both Brendan and me at the same time, for a reduced cost.

I’m just cutting into the first box when Blake comes breezing in with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Take out is ordered and on its way. I figured we’re going to need it, because I know you won’t rest until everything is in its place.” She smiles at me and I can’t help but smile back. She has helped hold me together, her presence completely judgment free.

Blake is the more outgoing twin, her positive energy contagious and I need her to be her normal chatty self. That’s why she’s helping me. Brendan needs Dawn’s quiet reassurance, which is why she’s helping him.

None of his buddies were free this weekend to make the transition, which I think he was a little relieved by.

Taking the now full glass, I go to take a sip when Blake tsks at me.

“We need to make a toast first.” She raises her glass and her eyebrows until I do the same. “To new spaces, new journeys, and listening to your heart even when it hurts.”

She clinks her glass against mine and lifts the glass to her lips. The red she’s chosen is bold and flavorful, somehow fitting with this new life I’m building.

“Let’s get this party started.” She grins, taking out her phone and portable dock. “I made a playlist just for tonight.”

An upbeat song about new beginnings and following your heart blares out of the speaker, giving me an idea of the vibe Blake is going for. It makes me smile and appreciate the effort that she’s gone through to make this transition a little easier on me.

We dive into the boxes of kitchen stuff. Blake unpacks while I wipe everything down and find their new spots. The only thing I like about moving is organizing everything. I used to drive Brendan crazy with my penchant for rearranging furniture.

Brendan insisted I take everything from the kitchen, so I insisted he take the living room furniture. We both decided to get new bedroom furniture, needing a fresh start in there. Neither of us felt right bringing it along, knowing the memories we shared purchasing the furniture together—and christening it together. The idea of crawling into the same bed I shared with Brendan when I’m trying to get a fresh start didn’t sit well with me. The rest of the belongings don’t hold quite the same memories, and it’s easier to look at a spoon and only see a spoon.

Brendan had chosen the living room furniture, it wasn’t quite my taste, so splitting the household items the way we did worked for both of us. I spent way too much time shopping for a new couch set, but I found the perfect couch and loveseat in a weathered leather. Comfortable but easy to clean and the perfect size that if I want to move them to different spots in the room I can.

By the time our takeout arrives, the kitchen is unpacked and organized. There are so many cupboards, I actually have a couple empty ones and the countertop is so spacious that my coffee pot and toaster barely take up any real estate. Blake may joke around, but the music she’s selected has kept us both pumped up and she’s been an unpacking machine.

We take a breather and eat dinner picnic style on the living room floor, before tackling the bedroom, closet, and bath.

I finally kick Blake out after midnight with only the living room left to deal with. My new furniture isn’t arriving until tomorrow afternoon, so I move the boxes to one wall and sit in the middle of the room with the lights off.

The moon is full, filling the room with light. The house is quiet, every new creak startling me. When the fridge turns on, I jump. Taking a deep breath, I exhale on a laugh, mentally scolding myself. I’m going to have to get used to being here alone, but a part of me feels the hole not having Brendan around has created.

My phone pings from the kitchen counter, its bright light contrasting with the natural glow of the moon.

Brendan:I can’t sleep, every noise is so foreign.

Me:I was just glaring at my fridge because it scared me.

Brendan:I know we made the right choice, but it doesn’t feel that way right now. I miss you.

Hugging my phone to my chest, I allow myself to feel the ache of sadness I’ve been ignoring all day. There were moments as I unpacked that made me want to turn to Brendan and ask if he remembered this or that, and he wasn’t there.

Sighing, I shove to my feet, make sure everything is locked, and then head to my bedroom. Sitting on the foot of my new bed, I fall back onto my new blanket and write back.

Me:I miss you too. I had moments throughout the day when I started to turn to you and you weren’t there. It was hard. This feels different than when we moved into our condo.

Brendan:I think we were too distracted christening every room to notice the noises. And I had the same thing, I would open a box and remember a story . . .

Me:Lol, I remember that. The next day at work I was exhausted and rocking the sexed-up look.

Brendan:I guess we should say goodnight and face the silence.

Me:I guess. Goodnight, Brendan.

Brendan:Goodnight, Allie.

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