Page 17 of Why Not Me?

“Hi, Landon. This is Brendan, Allie’s boyfriend.” His voice is confident, steady. Like he doesn’t care at all that he’s calling her ex.

Pausing, I take a deep breath and try for the same level of nonchalance. “What can I do for you?” I’m pretty sure I failed when my voice comes out more wary than effortless.

“I was just calling you to invite you to Allie’s birthday party this weekend. It’s low-key because Allie doesn’t like anything big, but we’d like for you to come if you’re free. I know it’s short notice.” He stresses the we, the only sign he’s not totally on board with me being there. I’m sure part of this is a ploy to evaluate the situation, because that’s what I’d be doing.

“I’m free. Thanks for the invite.” This time my voice is more casual.

He rattles off their address and declines my offer to bring something.

The entire conversation takes less than two minutes but as I stare at the ended call, for the first time I doubt whether I want to go. An hour was torture watching them, how am I going to manage for an entire evening?

Grabbing PeeWee’s leash, I take him for a quick walk before I leave for work. He bounces his way through the park near my house, barking at squirrels and sniffing through the snow.

Glancing at my phone, I look at the last text I sent Allie. The one she hasn’t responded to.

Me:Do you remember that time we were listening to music in your car, and you couldn’t stop laughing? I hope for your birthday you get as much laughter as that night.

Shaking my head, I shove my phone back into my pocket.

“What are you doing?” My voice is loud in the empty park as I berate myself. That was the night of our first kiss. The one that sent us spiraling. No wonder she didn’t respond.

Muttering to myself about what an ass I am, I walk PeeWee back home and head to work.

Things with Allie, they are what they are. I either need to accept them, or let her go.

Stepping back from the mirror, I check myself out. Despite my makeup and hair being done up, I can see the strain over this evening written all over my face. I’m glad Landon is coming tonight, but I also know continuing to mesh my past with my present isn’t going to be easy.

My stomach jumps when I hear voices out in the living room. Listening intently, I hear Blake’s loud laugh, followed by Dawn’s soft voice. The churning of my stomach settles a little, my friends will make a good buffer for when Landon arrives. Brendan was incredibly supportive of him coming, but he’s been quieter than normal today.

Why am I putting us through this?It’s a question I’ve been consumed with since Brendan said that Landon was coming tonight. I feel pulled in two different directions and I hate that even at twenty-eight I still don’t seem to have the strength to cut Landon out of my life.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door and smile as my friends rush at me.

“Happy Birthday!” they say in unison, enveloping me in a group hug.

“Thank you.” I peer over their shoulders and watch Brendan disappear into the kitchen before whispering, “So, Landon is coming tonight.”

Dawn’s eyes widen in shock as a slow smirk crosses Blake’s face. “You sure don’t like to live a simple life, hey?”

They know what’s been going on, every single detail right down to my struggle with the lingering attraction, but this will be the first time they see the dynamic for themselves.

Dawn pulls a bottle of wine from her purse with a glance over at where Brendan is laying out all the food he prepared. “I think we better crack this bad boy now.” She grimaces empathetically.

Dawn is trying her best to be supportive of my decision to keep Landon in my life, but I know she disapproves. In her opinion, Brendan is better than Landon in every way. We’ve talked at length about the potential consequences this path will lead to, including damaging my relationship with Brendan permanently. I think she’s going to the extreme, because I promised myself that wouldn’t happen.

Blake, on the other hand, is more supportive. She believes that Landon came back into my life for a reason and I need to find out what that reason is.

Whatever the situation, I spent the entire day contemplating telling Landon tonight it’s too difficult to be friends with him, but every time I held that conversation in my head, it hurt so much, I couldn’t even get the words out. So, for right now, I’m going to see if we can make it work. Something in me is so connected to him, I feel more whole with him in my life, and maybe this will work out in a way no one expects.

“God, yes. Wine sounds like a great idea.” I’m just passing the door when a knock echoes through the room. Blake and Dawn continue toward the kitchen with raised brows, while Brendan pauses in his task and looks at the door, his brows furrowing before he goes back to what he was doing.

Sure enough, Landon stands on the other side. He looks devastatingly handsome in dark wash jeans and a pale blue button-down shirt. A pretty green package with a purple bow sits in his hand.

I can’t help the smile that forms when he gives me a crooked grin. Moving aside, I feel three sets of eyes on us as he comes inside the condo.

“Happy Birthday.” His voice is low, husky. His words just for me. “Don’t open this yet, save it for later.”

I take the gift from him with quiet thanks and set it off to the side, away from the others. After a quick round of reintroductions as Landon has met everyone, we’re soon congregated around the counter picking at the food.

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