Page 48 of Why Not Me?

It’s been a couple of months since that night and we’re finally on our vacation. Allie wanted to take the time to not only heal physically, but address some of the mental issues that followed before we did this.

“Tomorrow we should rent a canoe and circle the lake that way. If it’s hot enough, maybe we can brave the cool water and go swimming. I also want to explore the island in the middle of the lake.” Allie drops into her chair, a fresh beer in hand.

Taking the bottle she offers me, I scooch closer to her and drape one arm across her shoulders. “Sounds fun.”

“Wait, you’re not going to argue with me?” She gives me some serious side eye.

After our moment in the garden outside her office, I tried not to be as overprotective. I didn’t always succeed, and we had several arguments about expectations in our relationship after Allie asked me to let her be on her own. As much as I hated not being there all the time, I can admit she was right. I was constantly in her space trying to stop her from doing things because I was paranoid she would hurt herself. And I couldn’t see her doing those things and it helped me worry a little less. A very little less, but it did help.

“Is there any point?” I give an exaggerated sigh, winking at her. “Besides, I can admit I was being a little overbearing and ridiculous.”

She laughs, leaning forward to flip the steak I have cooking on the grill.

It’s nice to see her laughing more. Allie is strong, and she tried not to let the attack change her, but something like that impacts the way our brain processes things. She doesn’t look at things the same and it’s been an adjustment for the both of us to constantly confront how she’s changed.

Allie is still strong, she loves to laugh and smile, but her view of the world isn’t quite as positive as it was before. She’s more cautious about her approach to the outside world.

I wish for her that she didn’t need to feel so guarded, but I don’t know how she could possibly come back from what happened without any changes.

She’s a little more somber, a little less trusting than she was before.

Yet, she also recognizes that the good will always outweigh the bad and she’s unwilling to let some asshole steal her light.

We still argue about things, like me wanting to move in with her and her telling me it’s too soon. Or when she didn’t tell me that she slipped in the shower the day after I returned home and torqued her ribs.

It’s been an interesting journey as we navigate our relationship in a way we never had a chance to before. I love every moment of it, and if I thought she would say yes, I would ask her to marry me right now. But Allie doesn’t want to rush. She wants to take things slow and “do it right” in her words.

Our views on where our relationship is at are completely different, but I can wait. My heart held on to her for over seven years, it can wait a couple more before we take the next step. She’s the love of my life and we have the rest of our lives to reach those milestones.

One Year Later

“Now let’s raise our glasses. To Dawn and Brendan, congrats on your beautiful wedding. We can’t wait to see what the future holds for you and that darling baby boy.” Everyone tilts their glasses back, sipping at the champagne as Dawn and Brendan kiss. Kyler chews on his fist next to them, his chin covered in saliva as he smiles around his hand.

Sitting next to Landon, I kiss him on the cheek.

“They look so happy,” he observes.

And they do. Dawn is glowing, despite the exhaustion that goes hand in hand with having a three-month-old infant. Brendan has never looked happier or more in love. He smiles at me, lifting his glass at Landon and me before turning to whisper in Dawn’s ear.

I’m so glad they’ve found their happiness. It was a bit of a shock for all of us when Dawn announced over brunch that not only were she and Brendan moving in together, but that they were expecting a child and getting married.

It took me a while to process that, not because I was jealous, but because it made me realize that when something is right it doesn’t matter about a timeline.

Four weeks later, Landon moved in with me.

And tonight, I get to tell him that he’s going to be a father. The sparkling apple juice in my glass disguising the fact that I’m not drinking. Blake has been helping me hide the fact I’m pregnant from everyone. I needed an ally at the wedding and I have something special planned for Landon later, so I confided in Blake because I knew she would help keep my secret.

Leaning into Landon, I sigh.

“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” He kisses me on my temple, smiling as I tilt my head back to look at him.

“I’m just happy.” I resist rubbing my hand over my stomach, taking his hand instead.

We’ve overcome so much in the last year. The counseling helped me enormously, I feel capable of managing the rare moments of fear, something that seemed impossible as I started needing to cope with the outside world a little more.

Another woman was assaulted, but this time someone saw who the perpetrator was and he’s currently being charged. I don’t know if the guy is the same person who attacked me, but I tell myself he is and that he’s finally getting what he deserves.

“Let’s dance.” Landon stands, pulling me with him as he backs onto the dance floor.

I rest my cheek on his chest as we sway back and forth in time to the music.

Two years ago I never would have thought I would be dancing with Landon at Brendan’s wedding to one of my best friends. Life has a funny way of working out when you trust yourself and follow your heart. My heart knew Landon was meant for me, just like Dawn knew her heart was meant for Brendan. We just had to wait for the timing to be right.

The question was never why not me. I should have been asking myself why not now. Our time is here and I’ve never been happier.

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