Page 27 of Why Not Me?

Shaking my head I reply, “I don’t think so. I’ve thought about it over and over. Maybe if I didn’t have the history I do. Maybe if we had met in a different situation, we might have been perfect for each other. I think it just wasn’t meant to be, not in the way we both deserve.” The weight of his sadness presses down on me.

“I guess I know that.” He sighs. “I recognize that I felt something was missing too, it’s just—I never expected us to end.”

We sit in silence for a while.

“I’m mad that you kissed Landon. Maybe not as mad as I should be, but mad just the same,” he bursts out. It’s the first time he’s brought it up, both of us not mentioning Landon for our own reasons.

“I’m mad at me too.” The words are whispered, laced with pain.

Landon and I crossed a line we promised we wouldn’t. It’s something I need to reconcile before I talk to him again.

I haven’t spoken with Landon since I told him I needed to figure things out. Brendan and I needed this time, I needed to show him that there was more to ending this than some other guy, regardless of who that guy is to me.

“Thank you, for everything. For staying you through all of this. In some ways it made it harder, you’re still the man I love, but I’m glad we’re not screaming and fighting. I’m glad we can part like this.” I pull out of his arms and wipe my eyes.

“It’s like we’re grown ass adults who know how to communicate or something,” he replies wryly, making me laugh.

We fall silent again, our gazes looking at the empty walls that once held so many of our memories.

“Is Dawn meeting you at your place?” My voice is hoarse, raw from the emotions I can’t seem to keep contained.

He nods, smiling at me. “She’s already there. I guess it wasn’t clean enough.”

Blake and Dawn have also been incredible during this time. We hired Dawn as our realtor, her and Brendan working tirelessly to find the right buyer for our place and the right homes for us. They both helped me pack and now they’re each taking one of us and helping us get settled into our new places. It was important to me that neither of my friends felt they had to cut Brendan out of their lives, I think Dawn appreciated that since she and Brendan have always gotten along well.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” I chuckle.

Taking a deep breath, we walk through the home we built together one last time. I grab Brendan’s hand and squeeze it as we make sure nothing was left behind in the now empty rooms. Rooms that are full of memories.

Grabbing my purse, I pull the handle up on my suitcase and follow Brendan out into the hall where he locks the door one last time. The click is loud, final.

We look at each other in silence, no words able to express how we feel right now, before we walk away for the last time.

“Ready?” Brendan asks, his eyes carrying all his sorrow.

With a deep breath, I nod.

Once we’re outside, Brendan opens the door to my car before clearing his throat. He holds the keys up. “I’ll give these to Dawn.”

“Thank you,” I say softly, chewing on my lip.

We both start laughing at the same time.

“This is so weird.” I shake my head, stepping in to him and giving him a quick hug. “I’m always around, okay?”

“I know.”

I slide into my car, watching as he shuts the door behind me and steps up onto the curb. I wave goodbye, and head to my new home, my new reality.

The door is shut on the life I had. There’s no turning back and it’s a frightening and liberating feeling. An odd calm settles through me as I distance myself from my old home, my old life. A calm that tells me I made the right decision. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever had to say, but it feels—good.

My new condo is perfect. Dawn went above and beyond for me and Brendan. She sold our old place for exactly our asking price, which she high-balled. She found Brendan the perfect space with a home office that has built-in shelving and is separate from the rest of the home. That way he can arrange for clients to come to him instead of always going to them, something he’s dreamed of for a long time.

And then there’s my condo. It opens into a spacious living room with floor to ceiling windows. The balcony runs along the entire side of my suite with floor to ceiling windows to enjoy my view from if it’s too cold for the balcony.

The kitchen is off to one side, a nice u-shape with a large bar. To the side of that is a large laundry room and half bath for guests. My bedroom area is isolated with a wide hallway. It has a walk-in closet and large master bath.

Every appliance is new. The countertops, cupboards, sinks, flooring, everything has been redone. And the paint is a gorgeous, muted sea green.

---