Page 26 of Why Not Me?

They don’t bother looking around the pub, and our booth is partially hidden from them anyway, giving me the ability to watch mostly unseen.

My chest aches as I watch Allie smile at Brendan as he takes the seat next to her, but they’re seated about a foot apart. That’s strange. I watch closely as the three of them chat. She looks happy, but I know Allie. I see the shadows under her eyes and the extra wideness to her grin which means she’s forcing it.

I can feel both my brothers’ eyes on me as I watch Dawn hand over some papers. Allie signs three pages and so does Brendan before passing them back and watching Dawn sign them too. She folds a copy, putting it in an envelope and passing it to Allie, before doing the same for Brendan. They look like formal documents, but for what?

Gripping the edge of my seat, I ignore Kellan’s attempt to draw my attention away from them. I can’t tear my eyes away from Allie.

I miss her and it’s taking every bit of my willpower not to get up and go talk to her. Time seems to freeze and blur by all at the same time, until Allie gathers her purse and stands up. She hugs Dawn, says something to Brendan, and then she’s out the door.

“Dude. You can stop staring like a lovestruck teenager.” Josh shoves my beer toward me so I can take another drink.

“Is it normal for them not to show affection and then leave separately?” Kellan asks curiously. “Like they barely made eye contact and they were sitting so far apart, their friend could have almost fit between them.”

“No. Brendan always came across as an affectionate guy the few times I met him.” He always had a hand on a hip or a smile just for her. So, what’s going on? I want to text Allie to find out, but I know I need to respect her need for distance.

We glance back over to where Brendan’s still seated with Dawn. She’s laughing at something he said and it doesn’t look like they’re planning on packing it in any time soon.

“That chick clearly has it bad for him.” Kellan points out as she leans her elbows onto the table, her fingers in her hair.

Picking up my beer, I take a sip before returning my attention to the table across the bar. The wheels in my head are turning as I contemplate what could be happening in Allie’s life. A spark of hope igniting as I glance back at Dawn and Brendan.

My brothers draw my attention back to the reason we’re sitting here today. Kellan finally found a house and put in an offer. He moved in with us “temporarily” three years ago, but could never find what he wanted in his price range.

By the time he’s shown us photos and told us his possession date, another hour has passed and the table across the room is now empty.

Glancing down at my phone when we’re leaving the pub, I sigh when there are no messages from Allie.

“You’re making me sick, man. She said she needed time, so stop stalking your phone and go about your business. If you love her, trust her enough to come to you when she’s worked through whatever it is she’s dealing with. At that point you can figure your shit out.” Josh elbows me in the ribs, rolling his eyes.

He’s right. I know it. It’s hard to reconcile the rational part of my brain with the emotional one that has decided to rear its ugly head.

When I get home, I snap on PeeWee’s leash and head back out the door. He’s been getting walked more than usual lately. It’s a great distraction.

My gut tells me that Allie and Brendan aren’t together anymore, but then why hasn’t she contacted me? Maybe she’s decided she doesn’t want either of us. It hurts knowing that by kissing her, I may have not only ruined their relationship, but ours as well.

PeeWee sniffs along, oblivious to my inner turmoil. I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted a clean slate. She has no reason to trust me with her heart.

Sighing, I turn to head back home. Allie said she wasn’t saying goodbye. I just need to trust her, even if not knowing what’s going on is driving me crazy.

Brendan and I stand side by side in the empty space that used to be our home. It sold remarkably fast, which is a blessing. We packed up our life in three days. Today is moving day, it’s heavy with the sadness of an end while also mixed with the tentative excitement of a new beginning.

“I can’t believe we won’t be coming home here anymore.” I look over at Brendan, fresh tears filling my eyes. I feel like I’ve cried more in the last few weeks than I have in the five years prior. “I know it didn’t work out, but I’ve loved these past six years with you. And I loved our home together.”

Brendan wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a comforting hug. Possibly the last one I will ever receive from him. “I wouldn’t change any of it.”

“Neither would I.” My voice is muffled by his shirt, but the words are true. I can’t imagine not having these six years with him as my partner. We’ve grown so much together and going in different directions is scary for us both.

Brendan has been amazing to me in the weeks since that night. He’s dealt with the selling of the condo—with Dawn’s help. He’s dealt with the lawyers for splitting the sale, and he came with me when Dawn was showing me condos close to work at his insistence so he could check some of the things I might not think of. He also had a buddy of his inspect it for free before I put in my offer.

My new home is freshly renovated and I got it below its appraised value because the owner is relocating for work. It was a steal of a deal, and Dawn was able to get me in there before the official listing was posted.

In return, I took care of all the packing because he hates it, ensuring everything was organized and labelled. Heavy with guilt, I’m positive no moving boxes have been more organized than the ones currently being delivered to his new home. As far as break ups go, I feel like we could go down in history for how amicable it has been.

We’ve spent nights reminiscing together. Our routine stayed the same, except Brendan slept on the hide-a-bed. There were tears shed, and we talked through any feelings that came up.

“Do you think there’s anything we could have done differently?” Brendan sits on the opposite side of the couch from me, shadows heavy under his eyes.

That’s the question I think we’ve both been struggling with, but there’s no scenario that I can think of that changes this outcome. Even if Landon hadn’t reappeared in my life, eventually we would’ve admitted that something is missing. I just wish I didn’t have that kiss hanging over us.

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