Page 25 of Why Not Me?

“Allie.” Clearing my throat when her name comes out on a croak, I shut myself in my room and sit on the floor with PeeWee. He hasn’t left my side since I walked in the door.

My heart starts pounding when I can hear Allie sniffling on the other end of the phone. In the background I also hear Brendan, it sounds like he’s talking to someone. He’s a little muffled, but his voice sounds off from the other times I’ve interacted with him.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss. It held so much power, the feeling of her lips on mine was so right, but the timing was terrible.

“Landon.” Allie’s voice is hoarse, barely a whisper. “Today has been—challenging. I know you want to talk about what happened earlier, but I need some time to figure things out and get a semblance of normal back into my life.”

A crushing feeling washes over me as I tilt my head back to look at the ceiling. Kissing her was a mistake, one I knew she would regret, and yet I couldn’t help myself. How could I put her in that position?

“Allie, I’m so—”

“Please, don’t apologize for it. Please.” The sound of Brendan’s voice fades and I hear the soft click of a door shutting. “It helped me realize a lot of things. Things I had already started to work out. I just need some time. Time to evaluate and time without distractions. I know it’s hard to understand right now, but I need you to accept that I need a break to clear my head.”

Tears prick at the back of my eyes. Knowing this is what Allie felt like seven years ago tears me apart and she’s being much kinder than I was. “How long?”

“I can’t give you that answer.” Her voice is laced with pain and regret. I know she hates doing this over the phone, but I also know she’s aware I probably wouldn’t let her go if it was in person. I know because that was how I felt seven years ago.

“Whatever you need. I’m willing to do it. Just . . . promise me this isn’t goodbye.” I squeeze my eyes shut, just listening to the sound of her on the other end of the line. Holding my breath as I wait.

“It isn’t, I promise.” Her voice is whisper soft. “Goodnight, Landon.”

She hangs up before I can respond. Pulling PeeWee into my arms, I hold him close as I try to prevent myself from calling her back.

What does this mean? Obviously she was at home with Brendan. Are they together? Did she tell him? Where does that leave my friendship with Allie? I hate this limbo I’ve been thrust into. I like to think of myself as a guy who has his shit together. At least I was until I crashed into Allie. She made me realize how much was missing from my life and how badly I want it back.

Now I’ve gone and potentially screwed my chances when I promised her we would be able to stay platonic.

Staring down at my cell, I wonder when I will get to hear her voice again.

Mid-December

Locking up my clinic, I check my phone for missed notifications. An endless stream of texts from my brothers in our group chat, a few news updates, and several new work emails, despite the fact I shut down my computer less than thirty minutes ago. That’s it.

It’s been two weeks since Allie said she needed time to work through stuff. I wish I knew what that meant. This feeling of being in limbo is frustrating, and something I would never have tolerated in the past—but this is Allie.

The little man appears telling me it’s safe to walk, so I cross the street and make my way into the pub to meet Kellan and Josh for a drink. They wave from a booth in the back, partially hidden by a pillar in the middle of the room. Smiling in gratitude when I see I have a cold drink waiting for me, I slide in next to Kellan and take a big gulp.

Josh and Kellan eye me as the big drink turns into downing the entire glass in one go.

They both raise their eyebrows, Josh chuckling, “Long day?”

“That’s an understatement. My ten o’clock no showed. My eleven o’clock went off-roading, despite a severe back injury from rolling a quad, and then proceeded to bitch and complain about how much he hurt. My two o’clock wasn’t wearing underwear with a very short skirt, she has a knee injury, so I got a flash of her vagina that looked like it should play a starring role in seventies porn with every exercise. My four o’clock sneezed in my face, while I was talking so it went right in my mouth. And my six o’clock had something for lunch that didn’t agree with him, and he was an endless stream of gas.” My tone is dry and I grow even more exhausted just repeating everything that happened today.

My brothers aren’t bothering to hide their laughter as another beer is set in front of me. This one I intend to enjoy, but today was a clusterfuck of awful and that first one helped take the edge off just a little.

“You’re the one that wanted to go to school for a stupidly long time to do a job where you have to touch people. This is what you get.” Josh shrugs with a smirk, his lack of sympathy expected.

He co-owns an auto repair shop with his best friend and they have a woman hired specifically to deal with the customers so they don’t have to.

Kellan can empathize a little more, he’s a high school counselor, so while he doesn’t get hands on he deals with the raging hormones of teenagers.

“It’s a full moon out. At least that’s what our admin assistant told me when I came in this morning.” Kellan grimaces. “I think it brings out the crazy in people. I had two girls who are usually best friends trying to pull each other’s hair out today. And every teacher was talking about how off the handle their students were.”

The smirk on Josh’s face as we both wallow falls when he glances at the door.

“Shit.” He shoots a look at me, concern etched onto his forehead.

Kellan and I glance over and the air rushes out of my lungs. Brendan is holding a chair out as Allie sits down. Doing the same for her friend Dawn.

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