Page 59 of Savage Beauty

Please be there, Josie.Please.

A few strangers are in the lounge, eating caviar and toast points. They all look at me at once as I crash through the door, but it only takes a second for me to establish that my family is not here. I glance up at the window and see the Kislev Enterprises logo sail past, emblazoned on the tail of our jet. The G5 is taxiing for takeoff, already picking up speed as it heads for the strip.

I’m too late.

The sky is brightening, the pinkish hue of the early morning giving way to a new day. The first day without her.

I suddenly feel ridiculous. What would I have said anyway?Be careful, zolotse. Some bastard might murder you because you’re having a Kislev baby. But anyway—happy trails!

Josie is not safe with Vlad and the family. At least at first, Igor will be spying on them in their exile to ensure they toe the line. And when Josie’s pregnancy starts to show… it’s more than I can bear to contemplate. She needs to run far, far away. To disappear and never return.

Of course, I didn’t need to come here to tell her this. She hasn’t vanished off the face of the Earth. Someone will pick up the phone eventually, and I’ll get a message to her at the very least. So why did I insist on making this desperate, romance-movie-style bid to catch up with her before she flew out of my life?

Now, in my grief, the answer is obvious. I wanted to see her face again, one more time. I wanted to look into her beautiful eyes and tell her I never meant for this to happen and that losing her felt worse than death.

I’ve done some truly terrible things in my lifetime. In my heart, I believed my penance would come in the hereafter, but it’s here, in JFK airport on a frosty morning, that I’m learning what punishment truly means. I would take Hell and all its torments in exchange for just one chance to make it right again.

I want my wife and child by my side. But I don’tdeservethem.

The glass is cold against my forehead as I lean on the window. The people in the lounge are staring at me, but I don’t care. I’ll stand here for as long as I can before I have to return to the reality where my own stupidity tore apart everything I loved.

The pregnancy test is in my pocket, and I take it out, turning it over in my hand. The symbol of everything that could have been.

It wasalmostlove.

A sharp inhalation behind me makes me turn around. Josie is standing in the doorway, a backpack over her shoulder. As I stare, the color rapidly drains from her face. Neither of us moves, and I wonder if she, like me, thinks she’s hallucinating.

Then she blinks, spins on the toe of her sneaker, and she’s off, running out of the lounge and away.

40

Josie

If I lose Sasha, I can go to the gate and board my flight. He won’t know where I am or how to find me.

But I have to get away from himnow.

I saw what he was holding. He’s come to claim me and the baby. I will claw his eyes out of his head before I let that happen; that’s why I didn’t leave for Italy with the Kislevs. Morgana cried, but Vlad pulled her away, telling her I’d made my choice and she needed to respect that.

I gave my best friend a hug and lied. Told her I’d let her know where I was, that I was alright. But I had no intention of doing that because to do so would be to endanger us both. She carries one Kislev heir, and I carry the other—as long as she and Vlad stay away from New York and don’t challenge Sasha and Igor, their child will likely be safe. But mine?No way.

I only wanted to sneak into the lounge and use their private bathroom. The terminal was so crowded, and I thought I saw Sasha everywhere.

Then hewasthere. Larger than life, right before my eyes, the pregnancy test strip in his hand. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid to leave it behind, but when I remembered I had, I knew it was only a matter of time before my husband found it.

Sasha is gaining on me. Although I try to find another gear, I know I can’t outrun him. My broken heart is weighing me down.

I skid to a halt, and before I can stop myself, I meet him with a ringing slap to the face. Sasha reels and almost loses his footing, but he catches my arm and stays on his feet.

“Fuckingstop, Josie!” he says. He yanks me close, and as I try to twist out of his grasp, he holds me more firmly, wrenching my wrist as he does so.

“Argh, you’re hurting me!” He releases me, and I grab my wrist, flexing it. “Why are you such a fucking asshole? Everything you said to me was a lie!”

I could start running again, but the look on Sasha’s face stops me. He’s a mess, his skin pallid, his hair unruly. But it’s his eyes that hold me in place. They’re wide, bloodshot, with a haunted, desperate look I hoped I’d never see.

“Moya zhena,” he says. He sinks to his knees, burying his face in his hands. Around us, people bustle by, ignoring us. “If I’d known you hadn’t left with the family, I’d never have come after you. You’re not safe with themorme.”

I could never have imagined him breaking down like this. What am I missing here?

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