Page 78 of More Than I Can Bear

“Thank you,” she said, flushing as I moved in closer, breathing her in as I tucked her chair under her, then sat down at her left. Both Farrelly brothers went to sit down at her right before I shot them a steady look. Kaine nodded. He knew what the two of them were like when they were together, so he came and sat next to me.

“Is there anything—?” the waiter went to say, but Adam leaned in closer to Freya, ignoring him completely.

“What do you want to drink? They have a house wine that’s supposed to be amazing, but do you even like wine?” He frowned slightly. “When we met you were drinking a gin and tonic.” He turned to the waiter. “Can we get a fancy gin and tonic? One of those ones that tastes like green ants or something.” His focus shifted back to Freya. “Would you like something like that?”

“Adam,” she said, reaching across and grabbing his hand. “Take a breath.”

“Right.” He did just that. “Right.”

“I’ll have a gin and tonic,” she told the waiter. “No green ant gin but if you have any citrus flavoured ones?”

“We have a 23rd St red citrus flavoured gin,” the waiter said. “Paired with an elderflower tonic water, it’s really amazing.”

“Then I’ll have that, thanks.” She looked Kaine over speculatively. “I’m thinking wine, South Australian, dry… a Riesling?”

“Or a pinot gris,” he said, slowly inclining his head.

But when she turned to me, I froze. Right now, this little tableau, it scared the fucking shit out of me. That might have seemed odd, but I knew why. This was a glimpse of the future: our future. Freya chilling Adam out, catering to Kaine and me? I just needed to be noticed every now and then and I’d be happy, so when I felt her eyes on me, I soaked that attention in.

“And River—”

Before she could say anything, I had an answer. “Just a beer, thanks, mate,” I told the waiter. “Whatever you’ve got on tap.”

Her other hand took mine, but she didn’t hold it so much as explore it, tracing the lengths of my fingers until my skin was alive and tingling at her touch. I gripped the glass of beer when it arrived, gratefully taking a drink, glad for something to do, because it took my mind off the intensity of the moment.

I had a pen in my pocket and I wanted to grab it to record what this was. I wanted to scratch in Kaine as he leaned back, his fingers playing with the stem of his wine glass as he talked about his day, the hunch of Adam’s shoulders as he sought to find the gaps in the conversation where he could insert himself. And then there was Freya, seeming somehow surprised by all of this attention, but how the fuck could that be the case? She was beautiful, so fucking beautiful, so of course we stared at her. But it was more than just a physical thing. She was like a fire and we were clustered around her warmth, putting our hands out to absorb that heat. Because being with her? It washed the cold chill of loneliness from our bones.

“And what about you, River?” she asked me. “How was your day?”

I needed to answer her and not just due to the social expectation that I would. I was an open book when it came to her, I felt, so her asking me questions felt weird. Didn’t she already know? But of course, she didn’t. How could she? So I answered her as honestly as I could.

“I can’t really remember,” I said with a sheepish smile. “Not trying to hold out on you or anything. I know I went to work, built something.” Kaine snorted at that. “But as soon as Adam said you were interested in trying something…” I stared into her eyes, tightening my grip on her hand. “Then everything else got driven out of my head. That’s all that I remember, Freya, that you decided you were open to this.”

I felt like I’d exposed too much, made myself look weak, but she moved in slowly, looking me over with a possessive air, before taking my mouth. I let out a helpless little sound, then kissed her right back. She was my girl, they were my sleuth and while we might not be able to make this shit work out in the end, right now all I saw were possibilities. I tried to communicate that in my kiss, my gaze, everything, until…

“Are you ready to order?” the waiter said.

Finally, we pulled away breathlessly to blink at the rest of the table. And the rest of my sleuth? They wore small smiles of contentment.

“I think we know what we want,” Kaine said, leaning forward.

Chapter39

Freya

Oh my god. I… Oh my god.

My brain couldn’t seem to move on from that exclamation, because to do so would mean processing everything. The dress Jack and I had found. The posy of creamy white ranunculus and blush dahlias, coupled with fine sprays of baby’s breath. The flowers were beautiful. But this place? I felt like I was having dinner in a fairy kingdom. The furniture was made from well sanded pieces of blond wood, the natural shapes of the boughs helping form the form of each piece. And the table? It was covered with a long runner of white crochet and there were little jam jars made of a pinkish glass, tea lights flickering inside them. There were too many knives and forks at each place setting it seemed, but despite all of these visual delights, all I could do was look at them.

These men, they were mine, they’d made that clear, but it felt like I was finally being given space to come to grips with that.

Adam was frantically attentive, his bright blue eyes wide as he watched me the entire time and I watched him back. I couldn’t stop looking at the harsh planes of his face, revealed clearly now that his long blond hair had been pulled back. And in a suit? This boy was pure porn, the dark blue fabric hugging his broad shoulders, then narrowing down to a narrow waist, but it was more than his good looks. All of the fan pages recorded the way he looked on screen and off, but they didn’t know the little things about him.

That his hands couldn’t stay still when he was nervous, plucking at his suit jacket, tracing the shapes in the crochet work on the table, until my hand reached out and took his. He exhaled then, letting out one massive breath and just went still. Adam stared at me like I hung the damn moon, that everything I had to say was fascinating, right before he worked himself into a lather about what I might want to drink. And that attentiveness was what I wanted.

I needed to know I mattered to whoever I was with, because that had been missing in the guys I’d met before. None of them watched for my every micro-expression, reading me constantly, desperate to keep me happy. I’d never had anyone’s entire focus before and now I had his. Adam just stared at me, hope and fear warring inside him until I smiled and he smiled too, seemingly relieved. That right now we could have this moment together, away from everyone and everything else and just be.

Kaine watched everything keenly, maintaining the facade of idle confidence, but I knew what a lie that was. He lowkey hovered, ready to step in and rein Adam back. When it became clear that I wasn’t offended by his brother’s attentiveness, he leaned forward.

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