Page 74 of More Than I Can Bear

Kaine smirked then, the fucker always looking the same way when he brought home the bacon. He might take me and River to task for not getting shit done, but big daddy Kaine loved to play the role of the provider. I’d begged him last night, that bit was clear to me, even if I couldn’t remember exactly what for, and now he was delivering.

And I loved my big brother all the more for it.

He indicated a chair beside his desk and I sank down into it, hands on my knees, clawing at the stiff fabric of the work pants, before she did the same. She was so fucking elegant, tucking her legs off to the side a little and the sunlight coming in through the high windows seemed to light her hair on fire, turning it from brown to shades of dark gold and amber.

But that wasn’t what mattered.

She looked rested. No, better than that. She looked satisfied. I shot Kaine a sidelong look, sure he was to be congratulated on that. Part of me ached with a kind of jealousy I barely wanted to acknowledge, but mostly I was happy. That she was in the same room as me. That she looked well. That she was getting what she needed. And when I took a big breath in, it was because I wanted to tell her that.

“I guess you’re wondering why I nicked off that morning without a word.” She smiled as she spoke, but it was a bittersweet thing. It made me wonder if she felt the same pain about that day as I did.

“I wondered…” I replied.

I swallowed hard, my throat feeling bone dry and Kaine shoved a water bottle my way. I cracked the lid gratefully and drank way too much in greedy gulps, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Because when I set it down again, she was watching me closely. I met her eyes then, even though that felt way too fucking intimate, because right now I didn’t have a single defence I could muster. I was broken open and bleeding and so this came out.

“I figured I fucked up,” I said baldly, because sometimes you’ve just got to get that shit off your chest to get past it. “Either that night or beyond. I moved too fast—”

“I was moving just as fast with you,” she said, her hand sliding closer.

“Then it wasn’t any good.” I searched her face, having asked myself the same thing over and over since that night. “I hurt you or didn’t check in to see if you were happy. I didn’t…” I shot my brother a sidelong look, but he just watched this shit show without comment. “I didn’t please you.”

“No.” She reached over and fucking touched me and then I was gone, completely gone. My head stopped aching and so did my heart, my fingers tightening around hers, wanting to pull her closer. “Seriously, it wasn’t because you didn’t rock my world, but…” She let out a hopeless little laugh then. “It was because you did.”

Was it wrong for me to feel a hot flash of pride right then? Probably, but I did it anyway. I stared openly at her then, begging her to continue. Her cheeks were bright pink now and her eyes kept straying to where our hands were joined. She gripped my hand tighter and then it all came out.

“I didn’t leave because of the sex, or how fast things went. It wasn’t even the bite.”

Her spare hand strayed to her neck and I felt a deep pulse of satisfaction, seeing my teeth marks in her neck. I shouldn’t. I stole that pleasure from all of us, but still. She was mine, the bear was roaring that inside me, fur prickling across my skin as he fought to get out, to get closer to her.

“It’s kind of stupid really.”

“I’m fairly sure nothing you could say is stupid,” I told her, rubbing her knuckles with my thumb.

“No?” Her brow quirked up and there was my baby, full of spirit and challenge. “Well, how about this? I left the best thing I’d ever experienced in my life up to that point.” Her focus shifted to Kaine for just a second and that’s when the competitive streak in me started to rise. Kaine looked after our girl well? I needed to know how well, so I could top it. “Because I was scared.”

Fuck it, my other hand took hers and I drew her closer, so we were almost knee to knee.

“Tell me what was scaring you,” I said then. “Gimme that and I’ll tell you what I would’ve said then.”

She shifted on her chair, her scent souring, but I kept on sucking it in, because it belonged to her.Be brave, baby, I thought furiously.Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, because then I can start fixing shit.

“I…” She let out a huff of breath, then seemed to collapse into herself. “I didn’t want to be in the spotlight. I loved being with you, being your fake date, then your real one. I felt a connection straight away and that was amazing, but the only way I could get through the medal ceremony was to promise myself that this would be the only time.” She squeezed my hands and then pulled free, even as my fingers clung to hers. “I had no idea if you wanted to pursue things further—”

“Only with every breath in my body,” I muttered, even as I felt the same ache in my heart again. I might not have much personal experience, but I knew a brushoff when I heard it.

“But I didn’t want to be a WAG. There’s nothing wrong with being the wife or a girlfriend of a player, but it comes with some challenges, I think you have to admit, they were ones I didn’t want to have to face. Everything that’s happened since makes that clearer. I don’t want to be the centre of attention, have randos looking at my social media and giving me their unsolicited attention.” She rubbed at her face. “Like they are now.”

“We can get past that,” I said, trying to keep the desperation out of my voice. Other people, that was the big thing standing between us? It couldn’t be, it just couldn’t.

“Adam—” she started to say.

“If footy’s the problem, I’ll walk away right fucking now.” But as soon as I said the words, the whole office went perfectly silent. Kaine watched me closely, but Freya’s brows creased in empathy.

“I don’t want that for you,” she said, her hand going to my arm. “You love football like I love art.”

“But I love you more.”

Fuck.

---