Page 4 of Teach Me To Sin

You do not keep me waiting.

Jesus Christ, this day is going downhill.If you want fast, send me a fucking helicopter, I fire back, then shove my phone in my pocket and ignore it.

I really should hurry, but as I weave my way through the crowds the smell of fresh, greasy food drags me into a cafe with cracked plastic tables and chairs chained to the sidewalk. The filthy handwritten menu taped to the counter should scare me off, but I order an egg and cheese sandwich and sit down in a corner. I snag an overpriced orange juice from the cooler against the wall, because it always reminds me of the nanny who used to give me nectarine slices as a snack after I swam.

While I wait, rocking my unstable chair back and forth absently, I prop my chin on my hand and concentrate on looking up old photos of Alek Simmons. He’s only eighteen in these, five years younger than I am, but I can easily recognize the striking black eyes, firm mouth, and sharp, angular features. I’ve heard that he used to be sullen and vindictive, but when I met him, he just looked tired, anxious, and a little lost. He must be a person who can’t hide their feelings for shit, even when it gets them into trouble. I know one thing for sure–there’s still a fire in him somewhere, low and choked with ash but smoldering.

“Enjoy.” The cook plonks down a burned bagel, topped with a glistening, suspiciously runny egg. I wrinkle my nose, poking the edge of the American cheese slice topping my E. coli breakfast special, then lean back and watch flies bounce off the ceiling fan.

You’re extremely good.

Those three words keep rattling around between my thoughts. I don’t understand. I’m a shitty, self-taught swimmer who can’t get my strokes to look the way they do in the videos, no matter how hard I try. Who spends my days in the pool because I literally have nothing else to do and my dad never comes to that part of the house. But Alek’s eyes were so intense and honest. He’s crawled into my veins; I want to talk to him again and figure out what he sees when he looks at me. But my choice is made–he seems like a sweet guy, with a cute girlfriend and a decent life, which means I’m going to keep myself the hell away from him.

* * *

I sneak back onto the resort the next night at two AM. It’s a compromise; Alek’s asleep, so there’s no harm in coming to use the facilities in his general vicinity. If we run into each other by some unlikely quirk of the universe, that wouldn’t be my fault.

Since everyone in this place probably goes to bed at six in the evening, no one’s at the front desk to stop me from strolling on through. Carrying my sandals to stay quiet, I pad through the dimly lit building with my bare feet sticking to the laminate floors. When I nudge the door to the pool open with my shoulder, I’m hit with cool, humid mountain air, full of the chirping of whatever the fuck insect spends summer nights in the Cascades. A yellowy three-quarter moon hangs in a star-scattered sky. It’s pretty, I guess, but too much for me–a reminder that a bunch of dying space rocks will live a million years longer than my deepest wants and most desperate fears.

Stripping to my swim trunks, I take two running steps and a long, shallow dive into the pool. Down here, surrounded by the dull glow of safety lights, I can roll onto my back and look up into the shimmery darkness without feeling panicky. The cool water cradles my body and plays with my hair, possessive and heavy.

Once I’ve surfaced and put on my goggles, I fall into my clean, boring front crawl that I’ve spent so much time analyzing. I try to imagine what Alek saw in it, but I can’t decide if I’m special like he said or if he was just trying to get into my pants.

Ten minutes later, I pull up and grab the wall, breathing hard. With my back toward the lodge, I study the fence and the almost invisible shape of the mountains beyond. “Couldn’t sleep?”

After a long silence, I hear the scuff of bare feet on stone. “No.”

I grin and turn around. “Too many dreams about me?”

Alek walks over and sits at the edge of the pool, folding his legs carefully instead of dangling them in the water. He’s wearing an oversized black tee and cropped running shorts, his hair sticking up in every direction like he just crawled out of bed.“If you know who I am, then you know that I have many reasons not to sleep and none of them have anything to do with you.”

“Hmmmm.” I bob across the pool with a lazy breaststroke. “You’re a lot mouthier today.” His solemn eyes follow me as I hook my elbows on the wall next to him and admire his face. He has no clue how broodingly sexy he is. Something tells me that if I kissed him, he’d turn bright red and get a nosebleed like a dorky anime character.

“What are you laughing at?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck shyly.

“Nothing.” I prop my head on my arm and study the raised tendons of his hand where it splays against the pebbled concrete.

“Looks like you couldn’t sleep either,” he observes.

“Yeah, well, all those murders start to haunt me after a while.”

When he takes a deep breath, I think,Oh boy, here we go. Of course he spent the last day and a half obsessing over our conversation. It’s kind of hot.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” he ventures doggedly, “but I get the impression you don’t have a coach. I’ll be honest–I’d love to see you explore your potential.” He’s so caught up in his point that he holds my stare with confidence, his dark eyes flashing. “I’ve been thinking for a long time about adding a professional training and development program to my swim center, maybe even to the Olympic level someday. If you’re from the Seattle area, come in and we’ll talk.”

Everything goes quiet in my head except the pumping of blood. Then I hear my voice, high pitched and unsure like a child. “You think I could–the Olympics? You’re kidding, right?”

His eyes drop to my damp skin, like he’s going to touch me, but then he folds his arms across his chest. “I’m not, though I’d have to do a better assessment before I could make that call. There’s no harm in seeing how far you can go.”

It’s such a nice fairy tale that for a minute I forget it’s not true. Then reality hits, like waking up to the sensation of falling. I pat the rippling surface of the water. “You’re crazy. Come swim with me.” If we end up skinny dipping, this evening won’t have been a total waste.

He shakes his head immediately, pulling back like he’s afraid I’ll throw him in.

“Fine.” Bunching my muscles, I push myself up with a splash and plant my ass on the wall next to him. We just sit there with our shoulders together, gazing out into the night. The longer I look, the more stars I can see, but they aren’t as horrible with him breathing against me. “My name’s Benji,” I blurt before I can stop myself. It’s not, but I shouldn’t be playing so close to the edge.

“Oh.” He sounds startled. “I’m Alek.”

I can’t help snorting, even though he’s trying his best. “I’m aware. You’re a wreck, aren’t you?” When I let my shoulder press closer into him, he twitches slightly and I can see his pulse beating too fast in his neck. His nostrils flare when I reach over with wet fingers and turn his face toward me. “Hey,” I murmur, tilting my head to drink in every detail of him. “Wanna fuck?”

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