Page 5 of Teach Me To Sin

He shakes me off, his eyes going cloudy and unreadable. “I’m not– I have a girlfriend.”

“I saw her; she’s pretty. All three of us could do it together, if that’s what you like.” I’ve stopped making sense–they’re definitely monogamous and I have zero interest in women. I just want to have sex with this man so desperately that I’d take it any way I can think of before I lose my last chance. I’m sure as fuck never coming to his swim center.

This time, he pushes my arm away. “She’s not just beautiful, she’s absolutely perfect. I’m lucky to have her.”

“Huh.” I tilt my head at him. “Then why do you look at me like that?”

His whole body gives a small, unconscious shiver. “Like what?” The poor guy truly has no idea what he wants.

“Like you’re starving to death and I’m the last steak dinner in the universe.”

Scrambling to his feet, he backs toward the lodge. “I’mnot… Don’t say that.”

“Sorry.” I spread my hands. “I’ll shut up. Please don’t leave.”

“I need to get back. But will you consider swimming for me?” God he has a one-track mind, even when he’s panic spiraling and half hard in his shorts.

“Of course not. I’m not a swimmer, and I don’t even know you. Did you get hit in the head recently?” I sound a lot meaner than I intended.

“Fine.” He makes it a few more steps before he pauses halfway through storming out and glances over his shoulder again. “But you should find a coach. Tell them to work on your speed; your form is lovely, but you need to put on the gas.” My chest aches a little, because no one has ever been this fucking-ass stubborn about what’s good for me. Then he slams the door, and it’s all over.

I’ve lost my taste for swimming, so I walk a few laps around the deck to dry off, then pull on my clothes. As I sneak back through the lodge, part of me imagines him waiting for me in a shadowy corner, shoving me against the wall and feeling me up, pillaging my mouth with his tongue. I’m half-hard too, in an achy, miserable way, and my head hurts. I really need to jerk off.

When I reach the top of the road, I pull out my phone flashlight for the long, creepy walk back down the mountain to my hotel. The beam flashes across a dark gray SUV idling under the shadow of the trees. God fucking damn it. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I amble over and wait for Gideon to roll down the driver’s window. “Did you come to stargaze, or did you get a booty call from some horny lady on her book club trip?”

The middle-aged man with his shaved head and dark clothes narrows his eyes. “I was asleep.”

“That’s a shame.” I wrinkle my nose at him. “You should have stayed there.” My headache flares and my mouth tastes like bile, because I know why my family’s driver came hurrying all the way over to pick me up instead of letting me walk. The same reason he’s always there when I don’t want my dad knowing I snuck out. I could be under Alek right now, teaching him how to put his cock in me, but no. I’m here. So that’s great.

“Get in, Bennett.” He rolls up the window in my face.

When I shut the passenger door, my damp clothes sticking to the leather seat, I lean my head against the window and stare up at the dark hulk of the resort. “Dad never finds out I came back here.”

“Maybe I’m done covering for you whenever you want to run around like a dog in heat.”

“You’re not,” I say hoarsely, massaging the bridge of my nose as I try to work up to it. I can picture the greedy light in his eyes without even looking at him. “You know you’re not.”

The pig has his pants unzipped before I even turn toward him. I’ll pretend it’s Alek this time. I bet he’s never been blown by a man. I bet he’d stroke my hair and beg me to stop and keep going all at once, instead of shoving my head down until I choke.

But if this is the price to pay for seeing him one last time, for watching the moon with him and feeling his warmth leak into my body, then I still think it was worth it.

Colson

“So you’re already boredwith retirement?” my ex-husband comments smugly. “Rolling around in piles of money gets old quickly.”

“For the tenth time, I’m not retired.” I cut my Porsche’s engine and adjust my phone against my ear. “I’m soul-searching. You’re just jealous.” Shuttering my legal firm with no plans to work again probably counts as retiring, but there’s a finality to that word which speaks of empty days and aging and playing golf with people you don’t even like. At forty, I don’t feel ready.

“Let me know if you find one hidden away in there.” Gray catches himself. “Sorry, you said search your soul, not searchforyour soul.” The man is enjoying himself way too much, but I can’t begrudge him anything–I was the one who cheated and walked out on our marriage well over ten years ago. We recently reconnected as tentative, long-distance friends after many apologies on my part, but putting up with his snark is my ongoing penance.

I lean forward and peer out the windshield, squinting at the row of industrial brick buildings framed against the slate gray Seattle sky. I’ve lived here for a couple of years, but never had a reason to come to this part of the city. “Am I in the right place? Why does it look like a fish factory?”

“I suppose you’ll have to go in and ask.” His smile, the thing I remember most about him, radiates from his voice. In the background, I can hear kids screeching and crashing around. Over the years, Gray has found the storybook future I stole from us, everything he deserves–a devoted little firecracker of a husband, three kids, a job he loves. In the meantime, I burned through a string of toxic relationships where we used one another and cheated and fought and broke each other apart until I came down hard from the fantasy that actions don’t have consequences. I made amends where I could, then walked away from long-term entanglements permanently. It’s a hell of a lot easier to spend the rest of my life alone than it is to risk hurting people because I can’t figure out how to be anything but a self-centered asshole. Because as far as the latter goes, I haven’t had much luck.

“Why did you give these people my number again? I don’t understand what they’re looking for.”

“They were asking around for a trustworthy local lawyer, but I truly didn’t expect you to say yes.” He hums with exaggerated thoughtfulness. “You’re taking this very seriously.”

“Fuck you.” I hang up on the sound of him chuckling and nudge open the door of my vintage green 911, groaning as I stretch to my full height. From this angle, I’m relieved to see the wordsLang Aquatic Centerwrapped around a wave logo on the side of the building. Gray would absolutely send me into a fish factory for his own entertainment.

---