Page 33 of Four Firemen For Christmas

“Must be about sex, then.” She sat easily in her chair and poured her tea then swirled honey into the cup. “I’ve heard more than my share of stories. All those years as a nurse, I reckon. Probably not much you could say to shock me nowadays.”

If she expected her words to shock me, they did. I straightened and wrapped both hands around my cup. Words jumbled up together to the point that I had trouble getting a single one out.

“Those firefighters have you torn up good. Which one is it?” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Have you had sex with one of them?”

Tea sloshed over the rim of my cup and ran down my hand. I spluttered and spewed tea. “What makes you ask that?”

“Mm-hmm. You did.” That devilish gleam entered her eyes. “How was it? Are you upset cause it was terrible?”

“It wasn’t terrible.” I cleaned up the spilled tea and poured myself a fresh cup. “I had sex with two of them this morning. At different times.”

Grandma’s entire face lit up in a smile. “Two of them? Well, I’ll be snookered.”

“Is something wrong with me?” I blurted out the question, then regretted it.

“Not a thing.” She tapped her finger into my arm. “And if anyone says different, then you ignore it. Did one of those men tell you that?” Her ire rose with every second. Much more and she’d march right down to the station and tell them all off.

“No.” I hurried to reassure her. “But why can’t I be satisfied with just one of them? Why do I want so much more?”

“Honey, as long as you’re all consenting adults and everyone knows the expectations and agrees, then there’s nothing wrong with having multiple partners.” She swirled her tea around in her cup and met my eyes in her no-nonsense way. “I wish I’d taken the chance to be more adventurous.”

I arched a brow, encouraging her to continue.

“Love and lust are two different things, dear. I loved your grandfather with my whole heart. But there was a time before him when I had the opportunity to fall hard and fast for two other men. I turned them down, knowing how society would look on me.” She frowned into her tea. “When you’re as old as me and you’re looking back on your life, will you regret telling them no?”

“Yes.” I knew it with every fiber of my being, without knowing how I knew. This was what I needed to do. But uncertainty kept horning in on my visions of Derek and Henry.

Grandma scooted to the end of her seat and held my hand between hers. “You mentioned there were four? Do you want to sleep with all of them at the same time?”

“Grandma!” My spine slammed into the back of the chair. The words were scandalous, even if I had been thinking along those lines myself.

Her generous laugh spilled out. “The look on your face.” She kept laughing and slapping her knee for several minutes while I stirred my tea and tried not to smile. Finally, her laughter eased and she swiped at the tears rolling down her face. “I’m sorry, honey. Didn’t mean to embarrass you.” She sobered and patted my hand again. “Even if you do, it’s fine. Do what you want.”

Do what I want. I chewed on those words while she sipped on another cup of tea. “Does that make me a slut?”

“No.” Grandma’s voice was firm and certain. Her smile dropped and she looked at me sternly. “There’s no such thing as a slut. That’s a word men made up to make women feel inferior. Nothing about a woman’s sexual appetite is wrong. Just because some men don’t know how to please a woman, they come up with a way to demean us. Not you, honey.”

Talking to Grandma helped more than I imagined. That was why I’d come here, though I didn’t really expect us to get this deep into the conversation.

“Do you really think it’s possible for men to share a woman?” Now that we were talking, I couldn’t seem to stop. “I mean, I had sex with Derek. And then later with Henry. Henry knew I’d been with Derek.” I told her the rest of it, how Alex had mentioned the sharing thing. I didn’t go into details about everything he said, but Grandma had a vivid imagination. She’d already brought up the big thing. Sex with four men. At the same time. My body burned with anticipation and thewhat-ifsof the scenario. What would they all do?

“That all depends on the men.” Grandma shrugged and stood. She began gathering up the teacups and teapot.

I helped her wash everything while thinking it over. She made sense, but I still wasn't convinced. I couldn’t see those four men in the same room, naked with me. One at a time, maybe. It took a shitload of confidence to be in the room with another man while he fucked a woman. Samuel and Alex had already been in that position. They hadn’t seemed to mind.

That would change. It couldn’t be natural, even to them. They’d get tired of it all and decide I wasn’t worth it. Could I enjoy the moment and not expect anything more?

“Thanks.” I gave her a tight hug and she kissed my cheek.

“You do what you need to do. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel ashamed for what you need.” Grandma pinched my cheeks and her weathered face creased in a gentle smile. Her house hummed with a quiet solace that I’d always found comforting. I almost wanted to stay here and not go back to the apartment, but I patted her shoulders one more time and left feeling better than when I’d arrived.

My thoughts went with me all the way from Grandma’s to Derek’s apartment. The streets had grown busier while I was at Grandma’s, and several cars zoomed up and down the street. I moved to the far side of the sidewalk when a fast-moving truck threw slush over the curb. It landed inches from my feet. I turned and glared after the truck, but the driver ignored me.

“Whatever.” I huffed and turned into the parking lot, jingling Derek’s key in my hand.

When I turned the corner, I spotted Alex ahead of me. His back was tense beneath his jacket, and he walked with heavy steps that thudded dully on the thick carpet.

I hurried to catch up, calling out to him as I approached. “Hey, Alex. You’re home early.”

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