Page 24 of Always Mine

My brain is spinning and I can’t catch up. I’m trying to be rational, but the last emotionally-fueled five minutes are sinking in, finally processing. Whirling around, I spot Lily not far behind me, shoulders lifted to her ears and avoiding my gaze completely. Where the hell was she during that whole ordeal?

A sudden thought occurs to me.

Damn it, she set me up.

“Did you know he’d be there?” My voice doesn’t sound like me. It’s too high-pitched and a little too desperate. I don’t want to believe she would do something like this, especially after our talk earlier. What kind of sister would? It’s the ultimate betrayal.

She stops dead in her tracks, looking up at me with worried eyes. “I’m sorry.”

The words wash over me and even though it’s not an outright confession, it’s enough.

“The hell, Lily?” I bark in frustration. “Why would you do that? I told you, literallytoday,that I wasn’t ready, and you still set me up. Why?” I never yell at her. I don’t think I have in years, but I can’t stop even if I want to.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks and her bottom lip wobbles. In a normal situation, that look would make me feel guilty, but right now, I'm getting more mad by the second. I’m pretty positive this is the angriest I’ve been in a long time.

“You’re sorry?” The manic laugh tears past my lips before I have a chance to stop it. “Why would you do that to me?”

“I just wanted to help.” Her watery blue eyes are downcast, and her foot glides across the pavement as she shifts, reminding me that she’s only sixteen. I want to reach out and shake some sense into her. This could have all been avoided if she’d just left well enough alone.

Holding out my one good arm, I glance around, noting a few people have spilled out in front of Red’s to watch the show.Great!“What did you think would happen?”

“I didn’t know it would go like that, okay? I thought he’d be surprised, maybe a little mad, but I didn’t know…” She trails off, finally looking at me. “I didn’t know he would be so upset. It’s been a long time, and he’s seemed fine for the most part. I just thought maybe a little push was what you both needed. I wasn’t expecting it to blow up.”

Looking up into the night sky, I search for the answer that isn’t there. I’m so frustrated, beyond mad, and mostly exhausted. I just want to disappear.

“I’m sorry, Pax,” she whispers. “I really didn’t do it to hurt you.” Her tone is solemn, full of regret, and I want to go to her, wrap her in a hug and tell her it’s okay, but I don’t, because it isn’t. She needs to understand that she can’t do things like this.

I inhale deeply, letting it out through my mouth in a sigh. “I know, Lily. Can we please go home now? I can’t be here anymore.”

“Pax—”

“Please, Lily,” I practically beg, looking around once more and seeing we have more of an audience than we did moments before. “I need to leave.”

And for the first time in the last forty-eight hours, my sister actually listens to me.

* * *

The night breezecauses my skin to pebble but I ignore it, focusing on the starry night sky in the distance. It’s past midnight and my mind refuses to settle, so I sneak outside to try and clear my head.

I can’t stop thinking about what happened tonight, flashes of Wyatt’s broken expression haunting me. I may not have been ready to see him, but I didn’t anticipate it going like it did. Seeing his reaction after so long was gut-wrenching. I wasn’t expecting open arms or friendly conversation immediately, but I didn’t expect to see him go from laughing and having a good time to being utterly destroyed in seconds.

It was like watching a switch flip. I’ve never seen someone change expressions so quickly. If I had blinked I would have missed it, that’s how fast it was. I feel guilty, which is something I haven’t felt in a while when it comes to Wyatt—minus the last week. People break up all the time. I knew ours wasn’t typical because of our history, but when he blocked me on social media not long after I went to college, I took that as a sign that he was moving on.

Was I wrong?

In hindsight, I realize I should have done more. I should have fought for this. For us. Maybe not for the relationship we left behind, but for our friendship. I was going through a lot, and talking to anyone about Wyatt was too hard. Especially when I realized what an idiot I was for letting him go. Then time flew by, like it does, and it all seemed too late.

“You okay?” My mom’s voice startles me, and I jump, causing the old porch swing to creak under my weight.

“Ma, we need to get you some bells. You move like a mouse,” I mumble, hand pressed to my chest as I try to calm my heart.

“Nah, I think you’ve been too lost in your thoughts.” That too. Smiling, she pulls the door shut before coming to sit beside me. “Here, I figured you’d need this.”

I cup the warm mug in my hands, letting the feeling soothe me. “Thanks, Ma.” I inhale deeply, the scent of sweet milk and honey filling my nose. “I haven’t had this since...”The night I broke my heart because I thought it was the only option.

Well, didn’t we just do a full circle?

I take a small sip, fighting the tears bubbling to the surface. I should have stayed in Cali, feeling like this isn’t worth it.

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