Page 28 of Your Fault

With resignation, he admitted, “I’m going to miss you.” He looked crestfallen. He continued: “What am I going to do without you?”

I tried to keep calm as I stood on tiptoe to get a better view of him.

“Before you know it, I’ll be back, and you’ll have me all toyourself. And once I’m back, I’ll move in,” I promised him, hoping that would fix his mood.

He rubbed my arms up and down their length. How could his attitude change so quickly?

“I love you, Freckles. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. It makes me sick to think I won’t be there to take care of you while you’re away.”

I felt something warm inside me. I was going to miss him, all right. Terribly.

I kissed him tenderly on the lips. “I love you, too. I’m going to be fine…”

In his eyes, I could see those words weren’t enough, and I realized this trip would be a major test of our relationship. I had no idea how we were going to deal with so much time apart.

12

Nick

I took them to the airport. My father said his goodbyes at the house because he had work to take care of. I wasn’t at all amused to have to spend my last hour with Noah with her mother in the back seat of the car, but once again, I just had to deal with it. The whole trip pissed me off, I’d made that evident, but there was nothing I could do.

I glanced at Noah, who was sitting there quiet and pensive. She had insisted on bringing the stupid cat along and was petting him as she stared absently out the window. I reached out, grabbed her hand, and guided it back over toward the gearshift. I felt a hole in my chest. I hated it! For Christ’s sake, it was just a month—it wasn’t that big a deal! Since when had I turned so fucking dependent?

I had to get a grip. I couldn’t be going crazy like this just because I couldn’t see her for a month. I needed to clear my head. That separation would be a test to see how we could deal with being apart. When she saw I was staring at her, she smiled, but I could see the sorrow in her eyes.

Her mother, on the other hand, had a huge grin on her face. Sher couldn’t have been more pleased. Why did she not mindbeing away from her husband for a month? I didn’t get it, and unconsciously I found myself squeezing Noah’s hand even tighter.

When we reached LAX, I parked and got the suitcases out while Raffaella went for a cart. Noah edged over and kissed me on the lips.

“What are you doing?” I asked, trying to sound amused, even if I wasn’t.

“Just getting a kiss in before Mom comes back.” Did that mean she wouldn’t kiss me in front of her mom when we were inside?

I didn’t know, but I kept the thought to myself, knowing that for my part, I would kiss her wherever and whenever I wanted.

A half hour later, we’d checked their bags, and Raffaella was agitating to get to their gate. It was still an hour till boarding. Honestly, she was exasperating.

“Mom, you go ahead. I need to be alone with Nicholas for a little bit before I leave,” Noah said. Her mother’s only answer was a furrowed brow. She looked at me, at Noah, and at the cat. Her way of doing it made me feel suddenly protective. After all, that was our cat.

At last, she said goodbye to me and walked off, leaving us alone.

I wrapped an arm around Noah’s shoulder and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head while we walked at a snail’s pace toward security.

“I shouldn’t feel so sad, Nick,” she confessed.

It was true, dammit! We shouldn’t be so depressed. It was a month… There were couples that didn’t see each other for a whole year. I didn’t want Noah to leave feeling sad. I didn’t want her to suffer, especially not over something that was supposed to make her happy. I reproached myself for trying so hard to get her to stay. If I’d been supportive of that trip from the beginning, maybe she wouldn’t be so down right now and wouldn’t have that sorrow in her eyes.

“Don’t be, Freckles,” I said, pulling her into my chest. N meowed. He wasn’t enjoying being squeezed between the two of us. “What I meant to say was that Spain is nice and warm, and the Eiffel Tower’s beautiful. You’ll love it.” She smiled when I said this. “I’ll see you when you get back. I’ll be waiting for you with this little creature.” I nodded toward N.

“Nicholas, please take care of him, don’t even joke about forgetting to feed him, and don’t give him alcohol, please,” she said.

“I just did that once. It was wine, and anyway, the cat loved it,” I replied.

She hugged him close to her once more, then passed him to me, saying, “Here, take him.” I held him up with one hand, while the other cupped Noah’s chin as I kissed her.

“I love you,” I said, savoring her lips for the last time in a month.

“I love you more,” she said.

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