Page 60 of Abigail's King

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Kye

The last few weeks had been a whirlwind. I had spoken to both Mason and Jayden the day after we had saved Abigail from Bianca, and they had both agreed we could spend as much time here as we both needed. I think Mason hoped that having reconnected with my brother, I would do the same with the rest of the family. However, that was something that I still couldn’t face. Mateus had tried to convince me several times over the past weeks that they had forgiven me for disappearing and still loved me, that they were desperate to see me again, but the doubt was still there.

My past was always looming in the background. The memories of the husbands and fathers that had been murdered and taken from their families. Maybe not murdered by my own hands, but being there meant their blood was still on them. That past would always be there lurking in the shadows, waiting to bring the darkness back into my life. If Abigail was still with me, she would keep the darkness at bay. She was and had always been my light.

The time we had spent together since the incident had been amazing. Walks along the beach, sitting and watching the sunset over the sea. Hours making out in the hot tub. And all that was without the countless nights we had spent in bed together making love. The more time we spent together, the more I started to feel as though I didn’t deserve her. That was when the real truth about me came out into the open, when my past finally caught up with me, she would leave me for another. I thought back to the conversation I’d had with Lucas.

“I care for Abigail deeply, but I’m not sure I’m in love with her. I would never physically hurt her, and I can tell you this. If I hurt her emotionally, it would only be to protect her.”

“Protect her from who?”

“If you want me to be honest with you, then it would be to protect her from me. You’ve already guessed I have a past. That past still haunts me. But that doesn’t mean I can’t protect her from the lunatic trying to get her. I would give my life to save her, and that includes saving her from myself.”

I had promised I would protect her, and I had. Except from the one person she needed protection from the most: me.

I had allowed her to fall in love with me. I hadn’t pushed her away like I should have done, and in doing so, I had allowed her to break down all the barriers I had put in place to protect myself and her from the darkness that always consumed me. And it would again.

I knew she had noticed the change in me already. I had tried to keep my distance from her for longer periods each day, acclimating her to be apart from me. To make it easier for her to leave me like I knew she would.

Or was I really trying to protect myself from getting hurt? I knew our time was coming to an end. Every morning for the past week, I had woken to an empty bed and found Abigail sitting in the kitchen. She had said it was because she couldn’t sleep, or just wanted to make us both breakfast. But most mornings, she had only had one slice of dry toast, and she hardly ever drank coffee anymore.

They were all signs to me that what we had would soon be over, and perhaps I should be the one to finish it first. Make it easy on Abigail to walk away with her head held high. She could then think that she was not the one to cause it. That she could continue her life and find a man that would love and cherish her. A man that would be good for her and not carry the emotional baggage that I did. I was positive that she had spoken to Mateus. He was always one to sweet-talk the women and make them see everything his way. I wasn’t saying that he would warn her away from me, but he would tell her things that she didn’t need to know. That much I was positive of.

Waking up to an empty bed again, I decided that I needed to seriously think things through in my head and establish what was the best action to be taken. I got dressed and headed downstairs. I was about to walk into the kitchen to tell Abigail I was going for a run when I heard her speaking to someone. I knew I shouldn’t listen, but I couldn’t help standing there and eavesdropping.

“I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.”

I couldn’t work out what she would be afraid of. There was no one after her anymore. We knew Bianca was locked away and would be for a long time.

Could it be that it was me she was scared of? Had she realised the truth? She couldn’t have unless Mateus had told her. I could feel the anger starting to build in me. He must have told her everything. I knew that during the week he had spent here after the incident, they had gotten close. I had even called Mateus out on it on more than one occasion when we had been alone. He assured me it was just him getting to know Abigail. That he wanted her to feel as though she was part of our family now that we were together. He had his brother back in his life and he wanted her to know as much as she could about my life here in Madeira. My hands clenched at my sides as I desperately tried to hold back my angry outburst. I continued to listen, trying to work out what it could be.

“What if I’m right, though? How do you think he will react…I know I’m delaying the inevitable, but I’m not sure I want to know…Yes, I know I can’t put it off any longer…Okay, I will call you later. Just be ready to pick up the pieces…I’d better be going. Kye will be up soon…Love you too.”

The more I thought about it, the angrier I felt. Mateus had ruined things for me again. It had to be him. Who was it that was going to pick up the pieces, and was that of Abigail’s or my broken heart? If it was mine and she was talking to Mateus, then he could forget it. If he was the one on the end of that phone, then I wanted nothing more to do with him. He may have helped me to rescue Abigail, but he would have then taken from me the only two women I had truly loved. The only woman I had told I loved and that I never wanted to leave me.

I stood outside waiting until I was sure she had finished her conversation and to calm my breathing, which had elevated as the anger in me built up. I then made sure that she heard me walk into the kitchen. She almost fell off the stool as she swung around to see me. The worry on her face that I had just heard her conversation on the phone was clear on her face. It also appeared as though she had been crying.

I couldn’t let that affect me. I needed to get my own head straight before I helped her. I decided not to mention anything as I walked over to her.

“I’m just going for a run. Not sure how long I will be.” My voice was almost dead in tone.

I couldn’t put on the front to assure her things were okay between us, because they weren’t. My whole life was starting to fall down around me, and I didn’t know how – or if – I could deal with it again.

“Okay.” Her reply was almost a whisper.

She knew. She had learned everything about me. The look on my face told me everything.

I gently kissed her on the cheek and then headed out the door and down to the beach. I had always loved running along here. But today seemed different. Today, instead of feeling the release of getting out into the fresh air and the calmness that running gave me, I felt like I had the night I first kissed Abigail. It was like the night had suddenly descended on me and the darkness was behind me, trying to catch up and engulf me in its depression.

No matter how fast I ran, it closed in on me, engulfing me in its cloak again. My heart was pounding in my chest and my throat started to constrict as the panic started to rise in me. But still, I pushed on. I had to get away before the depression started to consume my soul again. As I ran, it felt as though a hand was coming out of the cloud that was following behind me, trying to grab me back and consume me into blackness.

I started to see the faces of the countless men that had haunted my nightmares for years. They came from behind and taunted me as I ran forward. Their voices ran around in my head.

Was this what it was like to finally give in to the madness I had fought all my life? Had I finally lost the last thread of sanity that I had been holding onto for the past eighteen years? The voices grew louder the faster I ran trying to escape the insanity closing in on me.

Let the darkness take control, Ricardo.

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