Page 44 of Lavender Moon

When he seems satisfied he has everything close to me, he rolls his chair up close and leaning in as he slips on a pair of black rubber gloves. My endorphins are jumping to life and racing through my veins in anticipation – and by his closeness. His posture and the serious look in his eyes has a protective quality that my heart is enjoying.

“Okay, it’s going to burn, and what I want you to do is take in a deep breath, hold it, and when you feel the needle, let it out slow, okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper, nodding.

“Okay,” he acknowledges back, softly. He steps on the pedal and my stomach plummets as the needle buzzes to life. “Okay, deep breath in,” he instructs gently and I oblige, pulling in as much air through my nose as my chest can take, and then holding onto it tightly as I feel the needle make contact with my skin, and son of a fucking bitch! It feels like a hot razor is being dragged across my skin. “Let it out,” Kaleb cues me, and I release the air, heavily at first, until Kaleb lifts his head. “Slowly,” he reminds me and I nod, correcting my exhale. I slowly let my breath out between pursed lips. “Atta girl,” he says approvingly, briefly looking up from his task. It’s quick, as he has to keep his eye on the needle of course, but that flicker of affectionate encouragement was enough to melt my heart.

Kaleb repeats the process of dipping the needle, coaching me to breathe, and little by little, inking my skin. During the brief respites I get while he wipes the excess ink off my skin, I catch my breath while he looks at me affectionately, so many sentiments in his green eyes. They’re a particularly light shade today, and the pain I’m letting him inflict through the needle is worth the look of adoration they’re showing me. He’s quiet as he works, but it’s in a beautiful way.… like he’s experiencing a rare moment of Zen. And I won’t lie, the confidence is kind of a turn- on.

I hear my cell phone start to ring over on the counter, but Kaleb and I both ignore it, letting it go to voicemail as he continues to concentrate on his creation that I’ll wear the rest of my life, occasionally looking up and checking in with me that I’m doing okay. It still hurts like a bitch but I’m getting used to it, and coping well with the meditative breathing, and the look Kaleb keeps giving me that says I’ve got this.

Just when I’m starting to feel sore and am thinking of asking if we can take a little break, the needle stops and Kaleb sets it down on the metal tray, an air of finality in the action.

“Is it done?”

“All done,” he confirms, pulling the gloves off. “You did so good, baby,” he smiles approvingly, and I can’t help but notice he’s got a little bit of his bedroom eyes going on.

I look down at my first tattoo, put there by the man I’ll be marrying soon.

“I love it,” is all I can think to say, smiling fondly down at it.

“Since I was your first and all,” Kaleb says cockily as he leans down in my face, and I scoff at him. “No one else inks you but me.”

“Territorial much?” I quirk an eyebrow up at him, but before he can come back with anything, my phone starts ringing again, buzzing obnoxiously on the countertop. This time, Kaleb reaches for it.

“Anonymous,” he reads out loud before handing it to me.

“I don’t answer numbers I don’t recognize,” I state, as I tap on the screen to send it to voicemail.

Kaleb puts a dressing on over my tattoo, and I right my top as he cleans up. As I pull my jacket back on, my phone rings again.

“Fuck,” I huff in annoyance as Kaleb looks up curiously while I pull my phone back out of my jeans. Anonymous is calling again. “It’s got to be some telemarketer,” I gripe and shake my head.

“Which means they’ll keep calling,” Kaleb states and rolls his eyes as he starts shutting cupboards.

“Yeah. I’m just going to take it and tell them to take me off whatever list they have.” I shake my head as I swipe to answer, bringing my phone to my ear. “Hello?” I answer.

“Hey, there you are.” I hear a dreadfully familiar voice on the other end, and I feel jolt of panic flash through my body. Kaleb must notice it as he halts his movements, staring at me intently, concern etched over his face.

I swallow hard around the lump in my throat before finding my voice. “Sorry, you have the wrong number,” I rattle off, trying to keep my voice from sounding shaky before I lower my phone and start stabbing at the screen, desperate to disconnect the call before I hear anymore. When the screen mercifully goes dark, I take a huge breath of relief to look up and find that Kaleb has crossed the room and is right in front of me.

“Was it him?” He stares me down, a controlled anger in his eyes that almost scares me, and all I can do is nod as I keep trying to breathe through parted lips.

Kaleb’s jaw clenches as he looks off into space for a moment before back down at me. Taking my left hand, he nudges at my ring with his thumb.

“We’re doing this tomorrow,” he proclaims in a low and steady tone that says this isn’t up for debate. “We’re getting married, and we’re changing your name.”

His statement drops like a hammer, sending reverberations of every intense feeling I’ve felt in the last two days.

Yep, territorial indeed.

18

LUNA

“You’re insane,” Cassidy declares as her fierce eyes follow me around my apartment while she holds one of two pairs of shoes in each hand. “But I say go with the purple pumps.” She holds up the hand holding the shoe she indicated.

“Thanks,” I toss over my shoulder as I bring yet another dress over from my clothing rack. A very large butterfly beats her wings furiously fast in my chest, and I can’t tell if she’s excited or having a nervous breakdown as I hold my white and black flowered dress up in front of me in the mirror before laying it on the bed and yanking off the black shirt dress I’ve decided against. I yank the new selection off the hanger before pulling it over my head. The halter neckline comes down in a low V, but it’s not inappropriate, and it feels better for the courthouse than the others I tried on.

---