Page 95 of Lavender Moon

“You know, losing your mother before you could even remember her, followed by your father as you knew him… then meeting Luna who didn’t care about what you’d been through, and saw you as brave and tough… then later in life losing your grandfather and one of your best friends… I could see where that would leave you feeling raw and vulnerable, not a way you like to feel when you’re with her.”

“Pffft…” I blow out a stress-riddled breath between my lips. “That definitely clicks together. And thanks for piling all that on by the way,” I snark.

“No problem,” he quirks a joking eyebrow at me. But he is right. Since we were kids, doing anything for Luna was like medicine for me. It made me feel alive and competent, and I liked how she looked at me. I’d have rather died than have her see me any other way. I know now that she would’ve seen me that way no matter what. She gave me that puzzle piece long ago, I just never snapped it into the big picture until now. “Our time’s up, I’m afraid,” he notes, shifting forward in his seat.

I don’t stand right away, feeling like I need a moment to process everything I just learned.

“These are just things to think about Kaleb,” he reminds me as I nod. “We can pick up on this again next time, if you’re interested in doing that that is.”

I end up stopping by reception and making another appointment. I made it through this one, and obviously I’m still alive. Still, I decide to take it one step at a time, and I don’t book anything continuous. But even so, this is worth telling Luna, and I know she’s going to be thrilled which will make me happy.

I head down to the main floor and do an hour of light PT, and then, hopping on the Harley, I head over to the local department store parking lot to buy that motorcycle exhaust I found for West. After storing it as securely as I can to the back seat of my bike, I dig in my pocket, wanting to hear Luna’s voice and find out how her class is going.

When I look at the screen I remember that I had to turn it off for my therapy session. “Shit,” I mumble to myself and press the button to turn it on, hoping I didn’t miss any important calls. Sure enough, my notifications alert me of a voicemail, and I immediately tap the screen to listen to it.

Kaleb… Luna’s voice plays on the line and I immediately detect a difference in it. Just in my name, I can tell that it’s thick with some kind of heavy emotion, making a chill run up my spine. Something’s wrong, and my hackles immediately go up.

I really thought we were going to make it, her heady voice continues.We just made love last night – literally hours ago. But apparently, you didn’t. You stuck it out through our anniversary. You achieved your dare, so good for you. And you still want a divorce…

My heart jumps up into my throat and starts pounding like a sledgehammer when I hear that word.

Then you can have your fucking divorce,Luna’s message continues with an edge of conviction that stabs right through to my core.

No. No, no, no, no…

I’m signing these papers, and I’ll even do you one better,she adds, and though I’m not sure what that means, my mind is racing in so many different directions and at an impossible speed.

And by the way,she adds,ducking out of the house to supposedly run errands and turning your phone off while you have me served? You’re a fucking coward!

My heart is shattering and I think I’m hyperventilating as I anxiously wait for her to say more, but there is no more. The automated voice comes on to inform me that’s the end of my messages.

“No, fuck!” I belt out loud to no one as I push a hand through my hair. How the fuck did this happen? I filed the papers but I never processed them. I never sent them. How does she have them?

I don’t even have the number of the law office I went to that day. I do a frantic Google search to find them and dial their number as I feel my heart still sputtering in my chest.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Shane,” the secretary greets me after I identify myself and I want to reach through the phone and throttle her for being so damn perky while my marriage is falling apart as we speak. “Yes, the papers you drew up were served at 10:05 this morning, as per our sixty-day waiting policy upon filing.” She sounds like she’s cheerfully reading from a fucking script.

Sixty-day policy…

I feel my heart start to cave in on itself as I frantically start flipping through my memories.

Luna and I arriving at the gym.

Me wanting to walk around the galleria first, or at least that’s what I told her.

I walked over to where those two establishments stood fatefully next to each other. The law office and the fucking bar.

With the pain in my leg and my memories tormenting me, a shot sounded like a damn good idea at the time, seeing as how I’d run out of my prescription meds.

The guilt, the anxiety, the anger, the withdrawals, and the pain were all eating me from the inside, and I just needed something to dull the anguish, if even just a little.

That one shot did nothing but take me to a place one level darker, my thoughts racing even faster.

Did I really want to divorce Luna? Or was I just fucked up at that moment?

There was one way to find out, and it was right next door. I could go in and just ask about the process.

I remember just wanting to see how it would feel to go through with it.

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