Page 55 of Lavender Moon

“Well… happy stupid, fight that almost ruined everything -aversary,” he quips, and I stop in my tracks, my shoes scraping against the dirt.

I tilt my head and gape at him for a moment before finally saying. “You’re so fucking weird,” which earns me a smug grin. “So you thought you’d bring me back here so we could wallow in our teenage angst?”

“Not exactly,” he says low and sweet, and it gets my attention. “But I do want to show you something.”

“I’m not climbing up the ropes course,” I forewarn him.

“Don’t worry, it’s not on the ropes course, you chicken” he huffs. “Just keep walking towards the main counselor’s cabin.

I purse my lips together in thought. The only nostalgic thing about that place I can think of is my name carved into the side of the building in teeny tiny letters.

“Kaleb Shane, if you brought me here just to glance down memory lane, we could have saved me the drive,” I huff at him as I start trekking the dirt path.

“No, there’s something for you to actually see that I’ve been wanting to show you, but… kind of didn’t have time before I left, so this will have to do.”

It’s true that the couple of weeks we had were busy between moving me partly into his house, taking care of the shop, my classes, and lots of sex, there wasn’t really any time for anything like this. I just can’t fathom what he could possibly show me, until I round the corner and actually see it.

My heart swells in my chest and my throat goes dry. I feel my lips part and my pulse thrumming through my extremities.

On the side of the cabin, in letters so big I can see them from thirty paces, are the words Kaleb + Luna inside a perfectly carved and whittled heart.

Where the four letters of my name had been dug into the dark wood panel too small for anyone to know of its existence, this proclamation is loud and clear, for any visitor to see.

“Oh my God,” my voice is a breathy squeak and my eyes dart away from the masterpiece only long enough to catch the warmth in his green eyes before being drawn back to it again.

“Does that mean it’s still there?” Kaleb’s brows are raised as I quicken my pace up to the cabin.

“Yes, it’s here, Kaleb and it’s so beautiful,” I exclaim as I reach the side wall. I crouch down and hold my phone out at an angle so that Kaleb can see it. His smile is closed-mouth with a warm nostalgia hooding his eyes.

“When did you do this?” I ask, looking between him and the carving. I run my hands over the cuts and grooves to confirm that it’s real and not some kind of illusion.

“The morning after the lake.” He looks down a moment, and I can see the regret clouding his features and I feel my own pull in confusion.

“Wh... but you weren’t here,” I debate his answer. “I didn’t see you anywhere, and your bike was gone.”

“I’d gone for a ride, Lu, but I hadn’t left for good. I took some time to process everything that’d happened, but it turned out I took too long.” The words come out of him on a heavy breath. “When I came back you were gone, and I had no way of talking to you again.”

His voice from my phone screen breaks my heart as if I just listened to the saddest story told, despite the steadiness of his tone.

“So you did this?” I ask, still smoothing my hands over the marred and weathered wood, noticing a tinier design within the rustically beautiful testament. When I lean in closer, I see that it’s the original carving of my name when Kaleb and I were only ten, only it has a tiny crescent moon carved around it. I don’t comment, but smile and look back, awaiting his response.

“I had so much to say and no way to say it,” he nods humbly. “So, in a way, that was me letting some of it out,” he admits and tips his chin at our carved names.

We take a couple moments, just sitting together in the moment, and while I don’t know if he actually can, I pretend that he can hear the birds chirping in the distance and the breeze rustling the leaves; a promise that fall is just around the corner. “I don’t think you could have brought me anywhere more romantic for our webcam date.” My words are solemn but I deliver them with a smirk, and he returns it with a wink.

“So let’s stay a while,” he leans forward like he’s settling in for some idle chat, a carefree veil falling over his face with a small smile that makes me wonder if all this time he’s been trying to shield me from what he must be seeing and feeling over there in that grim warzone.

Leaning back against the cabin’s siding with the carved heart right next to me for companionship, I take a breath and a beat before asking “Are you doing alright, K?”

He freezes for a moment, his gaze going hard for a moment and then in a blink, relaxes again. “Yeah, babe, I’m fine.”

“Kaleb,” I prod, trying to get a fragment of truth out of him. The one thing I’ve learned about Kaleb is not to push, or he’ll push back. After making himself vulnerable time and again to the one person who was supposed to protect him, he has a hard time letting anyone else in, even a little bit. Hell, the only time he’s actually said I love you was when he proposed. Every other time has been through his own little hidden messages, like the one on my hand the day he left, and this carving on the cabin. Getting him to open up to me has been a process years in the making, one baby step at a time. It’s been about finding a balance between encouraging him to trust in me without trying to force it. “Please be real with me,” I add gently.

He breathes out a heavy sigh through his nose, gripping his hands together. It’s hard, but he’s going to give me a little bit. He’s going to try. “I mean… it’s not fun, Lu.” His eyes roll skywards for a second in an obvious effort to downplay it. “It’s been scary at times, but nothing I can’t handle. And it’s not all bad. I love being up in the hawk, you know I love being up high. And I love being a part of something with other people that doesn’t involve drinking contraband whiskey and playing XBOX in someone’s basement.” He wraps it up with a small but playful smile, and I know that’s all I’m going to get.

“Okay,” I say quietly, smiling back, and we exchange our usual look; the one that says I know he’s holding back and he knows that I know, but is thankful I’m not pushing.

“So what about you, silly girl?” he asks, clearly shifting the subject off of him. “How are classes? Talk to your family lately?” He’s playfully firing off the questions, but it’s that last one that makes my heart freeze to ice and drop into the pit of my stomach. I swallow hard and try to recover as I brighten my eyes for him, but it’s too late. He saw it, the look of dread that must’ve fallen over my face. “Lu?” he asks, cueing me to fill him in. “What’s going on? What’s that look about?”

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