Page 9 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

For appetizers, he ordered some oysters, and then skimmed down the menu quickly before deciding on the main course.

“I’ll have the butter-poached Nova Scotia lobster.”

“Excellent choice, sir.”

“What would you like to eat, sweetheart?”

I couldn’t think. I was freaking out in my mind because my brain was trying to register the fact that he called mesweetheart.

“Um …” I sounded way too nervous as I desperately scanned the entrées section of the menu. Everything sounded so fancy, and I had never tasted any of these dishes before.

“Do you like pasta? Fish? Steak?” He was clearly trying to help me out.

I bet I look so stupid.

“I’ll have the primavera,” I replied, quickly deciding on a pasta dish and praying that I was pronouncing it correctly. It was fettuccini mixed with portobello mushrooms, broccoli, black olives, and sundried tomatoes, in a basil pesto cream sauce. It sounded appetizing enough to eat.

“That is truly one of the best pastas on our menu. I shall return shortly with your appetizers.” Our friendly server amiably smiled at us and collected our menus.

I could feel Noah’s eyes on me again, and I began to rub my arm out of habit. I was ridiculously tense.

“Are you cold?”

“What? Oh, no. I’m fine.” I ceased my little tick and raised my glass of wine to my lips, praying that the alcohol would make my nerves less jittery.

Come on, Aria, suck it up and get on with the questions,a voice echoed through an empty cavern in my mind. There was a reason why I came to dinner with him. I had to stay focused.

“So,” I began, “why did it take you this long to acknowledge my existence?”

Okay, did that sound too harsh? I anxiously watched him as he gazed back at me, searching my eyes for the longest while.

“I can’t forgive myself for not being involved in your life. I was young, and when I finally decided to get away from my family, I really did try to make things right with your mom. But she wanted nothing to do with me. To say that I was angry is an understatement. I got careless and things only worsened in my college years.

“I developed a bad drug addiction, and it got in the way of me getting shared custody and visitation rights. I took it hard and started hanging around the wrong crowd. Before I knew it, I was snorting coke so many times a day that I lost count. I’m ashamed of that part of my past, but it’s the truth, and I would never lie to you.”

I couldn’t believe it. This flawless man sitting before me was a junkie at one point. I should have been angry, but I wasn’t. I felt proud of him for overcoming his addiction.

“I needed to get my shit together.” He paused and frowned. “Sorry, I shouldn’t curse around you. It’s a bad habit.” Noah smiled apologetically.

“I don’t mind. I’m used to it. Rob cusses me out twenty-four/seven.”

He looked so outraged by that slip-up of information.

“That son of a …”

Bitch?Yeah, he was.

“He shouldn’t speak to you like that. I’ll have a word with your mother about it.”

I shrugged in reaction and folded my hands in my lap.

Our waiter finally came by and placed a plate full of oysters in the center of the table. Then he refilled our glasses with some more wine and said, “Enjoy.”

“Thank you,” Noah pleasantly replied. But as soon as we were alone again, he appeared unhappy.

He shut his eyes for a second, then released an exasperated sigh from his lips before opening them and staring at me.

“Aria, I’m not proud of myself for abandoning you. In many ways, I abandoned myself. I needed to get my life back on track before I could repair our relationship.”

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