Page 67 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

“Get in the car,” he said. “I’ll be out in a sec.”

I think he wanted to try and reconcile with Vanessa, but I didn’t stick around to find out. I did as I was told and marched out of the dream house.

****

The car ride to school was quiet. I tried to start some conversation, but Noah kept giving me short answers, which made me feel like he either wasn’t very interested in the topics I brought up or didn’t want to talk at all. Eventually I gave up and let the radio play instead. My mind wandered and I began to think about my life back in New York. I hadn’t spoken to my siblings in a while, and I felt bad for not keeping in touch as much. Mom and I emailed each other a lot, and I talked to Jade and Ally regularly on Facebook and Skype. I missed those gals. The only person I hadn’t communicated with since moving here was my stepdad. It wasn’t like he made an effort.

After dodging the morning traffic, we finally pulled up behind my school. Usually Noah dropped me off in the front, but today we had stopped at a gas station on the way and taken a different route. I wanted to lean over and kiss his cheek real quick before getting out of his sexy sports car, but the vibes he was giving off made me feel like hiding under a rock. I was afraid I had made things weird between us because of the night before.

“You should invite some of your friends over for dinner,” Noah said. “I’m sure you get tired of it being the two of us all the time.”

I was right. He didn’t want to be alone with me anymore. I so hated myself.

“Um … sure. I’ll extend the invitation.”

“And you don’t need to cook this evening, I’ll order in.”

“I don’t mind cooking.”

“Aria.” He sounded annoyed. “Let’s keep it simple tonight, please? How about some Chinese? Pizza?”

I tried to be agreeable. “Pizza’s fine.”

“Great. I’ll see you at home, then.”

I unfastened my seat belt, slung my schoolbag over my shoulder, and reached for the door handle. Just as I was about to leave, I paused and looked back at him. He had one hand on the wheel, and his other elbow was bent on the edge of his window, resting his head in his hand.

“Noah …”

His gaze suddenly found mine, waiting for me to say something.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine, sweetheart.” A ghost of a smile appeared as soon as the ice in his eyes liquefied. “I didn’t plan on starting my morning that way. I sort of lost it. I’m sorry you had to hear all that.”

“Maybe if you suggest couples counseling to Vanessa, she would be more motivated to follow through.”

“Has anybody ever told you that you are way too wise for your age?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I’ve heard it way too many times to count.”

“Come here—I need a hug.”

It was like he gave the world to me when he said this. Gone were all my fears and insecurities. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him close. There wasn’t anyone around us, and even if there had been, they wouldn’t have been able to see anything through the tinted windows.

I wanted to confess my love for him as if it was my last day on Earth and I’d never have the opportunity to say those three words again. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.

“I love you, baby.” He held my face, staring deeply into my soul before pressing his lips against my forehead. I held my breath and slowly exhaled when he withdrew.

Memories flashed before me. I remembered the way his lips had felt when I had kissed him the night before. I had to resist the need to do it again, but Noah was just intensifying those urges.

We locked eyes, and once more, I felt that impulse—that strong desire to close the space between us. But I chickened out. Our midnight encounter had left me feeling sad and confused, and I lacked the confidence to make a second attempt. A part of me wanted to yank him by the tie and feel his lips crash down on mine, surrendering to me, allowing me to explore his mouth with my timid tongue. I knew better, though. Such steamy events would only transpire in my mind and not in reality.

“I’m going to miss you.” I had no clue why I admitted this, but I blushed ridiculously right afterwards.

“You’re such a sweetheart.” He tilted his head to the side, half smiling.

“I mean it, though, I’m not just saying it to be sweet to you.”

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