Page 68 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

Noah gently touched my cheek, and before I could even stop myself, my hand was on top of his. I softly kissed his palm, slow and seductively, maintaining eye contact. He blinked a couple times as if to break free from my compelling stare. Maybe he was receptive to my touch after all. Silently, I begged him to come forward and release me from this torture he was putting me through. And when he did, my heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I was sure he could hear it if he leaned in any closer.

Moistening my lips, I left them slightly parted as Noah pressed his forehead against mine. Did he feel what I was feeling too? I closed my eyes and listened to my own breathing as a scorching heat began to spread all over my body. I was brave enough to place my hand on his chest, right at his heart, just so that I could feel it thudding against my palm. I needed to feel some sort of vibration. I needed physical evidence to prove to me that he was just as affected as I was.

“Aria.” His voice sounded husky, almost a hushed whisper, giving me chills.

Our foreheads were still touching, and when I looked at him, his eyes were closed. All he had to do was tilt his chin up and kiss me. One subtle movement, and I would dominate his lips.

“Aria…” he whispered again, slowly running his fingers through my hair. The desire to kiss him was so strong that it was making everything hurt inside. These feelings I held back were so painful because I wasn’t able to express them to him.

He wasn’t making a move, so I bravely sloped my chin up and leaned in closer. With a smooth approach, I gently brushed my lower lip against his and felt a sizzling spark ignite upon contact. It was enough to make me abandon all self-restraint, and I tried to taste his lips again. Desperately, I prayed that he would kiss me back. My heartbeat echoed in my ears while I moved in another inch, barely brushing my lips against his. I breathed out and was toughening myself for my next bold move when suddenly, he dropped his hands from my face and held on to my arms.

“Stop.”

Noah didn’t push me back aggressively. In fact, he didn’t pull away at all. He rested his forehead against mine and held me in place by applying a gentle pressure on my upper arms. I wanted to cry because I knew there was no way I could make him understand these feelings I had for him. There was no happy ending for me. I was a desolate character from a Shakespeare novel, destined to carry out an ill-fated life that would only end in heartbreak and inevitable tragedy.Hamlet,oddly, came to mind, and I felt like Ophelia, suffering from melancholy and erotomania—the delusion in which the person believes that another person is in love with him or her. At that point, I might as well have labeled myself psychotic, schizophrenic, and a sex-crazed nymphomaniac too. I should probably rephrase that. You can’t be a nympho if you haven’t had sex! … Right?

Think again, Miss know-it-all.

Noah may have loved me, but there was no way he would ever fallinlovewith me. I was fooling myself.

How could I even begin to classify my disease, this sickness that just wouldn’t go away? There was way too much hypersexuality in my head. With this amount and at my age, I didn’t think that it was normal—especially since I kept fantasizing about sex with my own father. I needed professional help before I lost him for good.

Regardless of the warnings my brain was sending, my body simply refused to listen. I leaned toward him and grazed his lips with mine, ever so gently. My breathing had become more labored, despite my efforts to control it.

“Don’t.” He pulled back a bit so that our mouths wouldn’t collide. “Don’t move.” Noah held me in place more firmly, looking breathless when I opened my eyes.

“Aria, what … what’s going on here?” His voice sounded breathy and incredibly hot as he stared back at me with intensity.

“I don’t know.”

I think he needed me to convince him that nothing was going on between us. But I couldn’t do that. It would have been a lie.

Please tell me what you’re thinking.I felt so anxious and afraid, all at the same time.

“Did you …” He hesitated and shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Did you just try to kiss me?”

Wasn’t it obvious? I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I was on the verge of having a panic attack. Being around him was triggering the anxiety even more. I was embarrassed and emotionally exposed. I had to get out.

“Listen, I’m sorry.” He relaxed his expression and then frowned. “I’m confused. I don’t mean to make you cry.” Noah brushed my tears away with his thumbs. “We should talk about this later.”

But I was too stubborn to listen, and my pride was far too wounded to handle things maturely. “You didn’t make me cry, I’m just going through stuff. It’s not a big deal. I’ll handle it solo, always have.” I smiled the fakest smile ever, picked up my deflated ego from off the floor, and opened the passenger door.

“Wait—”

“See you later.”

“Aria!”

I pretended not to hear him and slammed the door shut. I couldn’t handle sitting in that car any longer. It was too overwhelming—physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Wonderful, I have a math exam this morning. All I could think about was the aftermath of that almost kiss, instead of algebra equations.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

NOAH

Nothing seemed to be helping me at the moment. Whatever I did, I couldn’t get her out of my head, nor could I stop obsessively thinking about what happened in the car that morning. I was supposed to be on my lunch break, but I was still at my law firm, sitting at my desk, squeezing a stupid stress ball in my hand. The previous night’s events kept replaying in my mind. It was a good thing I hadn’t lost control with Aria earlier in the car. I knew exactly what was happening. Thankfully, I’d backed off just in time. Was it really possible that she was attracted to me? I was her father, for Christ’s sake.

This can’t happen between us. It shouldn’t. I created her. She’s a part of me, and we’re not supposed to feel this way. Shit. I just said “we.” Well, there you have it, the answer’s crystal clear.

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