Page 109 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

This is what loving Noah was like: It was going on the scariest thrill ride at an amusement park. It was skydiving out of a plane, scared out of my mind, but taking comfort in the fact that I was safely strapped to his harness. It was diving off a cliff, my hand in his, submerging under the deep water and resurfacing safely in his arms. Loving him was the most intense feeling I had ever felt in my life.

He kept pulling my lips between his, tugging and teasing with the sensual slip of tongue. Abandoning all self-control, I had finally got him to succumb to my desires and fulfill them as if they were his own, as if he needed to kiss me and touch me just as badly as I needed him. My breathing became harsh and uneven. He had no idea what he was doing to me. Brisk electricity burned and sizzled around us as the wheel kept going round and round, shielding us from the eyes of the world every time we soared to the sky. But just as quickly, the wheel came down and we were reminded of our sobering reality. Eventually, we would have to get off the ride. We couldn’t stay up there forever.

Perhaps this Ferris wheel represented our mental turmoil: a wheel slowly turning like the mechanical gears in our minds. We had desperately fought to hold on to whatever sanity was left inside our heads, but that had failed the second he pressed his lips against mine. The wind, the electricity in the air, our kiss, and the music symbolized the wildness of our rebellion—love, lust, and passion, all fused into one, expressed through the beauty of a single kiss from his lips.

The feeling of that rise and fall, there was nothing that could compare to it. All my senses were fully heightened and sensitive to his every touch and caress. I didn’t want him to stop. My lips pleaded for constant contact as I communicated everything my heart wanted to say through our kiss. The feral sound of his desire vibrated through my lips, sending shivers down my body. Nothing and no one else mattered in that moment. It was just me, Noah, and the spellbinding magic that floated like stardust in the midnight air.

The Ferris wheel began to slow in speed, breaking the enchantment we were under. It put an immediate red light on our make out session, and Noah finally tore his lips away from mine. His breathing was labored, and his eyes were wild with life and with something more that I couldn’t quite name. We both struggled to recover from the heated seduction that still swirled around us. I felt light-headed, but in a good way. He stared at me with a long penetrating gaze, as if he were telepathically communicating something to me. I knew exactly what he was trying to say: we had ignited a dangerous fire that was bound to close in on us until we burned to ash. He knew it, I knew it, and there was no turning back now. I just wanted to collapse in his arms and hide myself inside of him, hide our love from the rest of the world.

Our car slowly swung back and forth while we waited for our turn to get off the ride. It was difficult to get over the aftershock of that life-altering kiss, and my mind was in a state of incomprehensible chaos. I was hoping he would start a conversation, break the silence between us.

“Promise me you won’t leave,” said Noah. “Promise me you won’t go back to New York.” The fear in his eyes contradicted the calmness in his voice.

How could I leave after experiencing that mind-blowing kiss? It was impossible to walk away. I had to stay and make him mine, whatever it took.

“I promise.” I smiled softly and closed my eyes when he leaned forward, reaching for my face. Instinctively, I turned my head a bit and gently pressed my cheek against his palm. He wiped away my runny mascara with his thumb, and the heat of his touch made my body respond in ways no boy had ever been able to achieve.

“I’d rather lose everything in my life than lose you,” Noah whispered, making my heart shiver.

He gave me the world when he kissed me again, controlling the passion that frantically wanted to ignite between our lips. He kissed me for as long as possible, reluctantly pulling away when he realized that we were almost within plain view. The passenger cars were emptying one by one, and we were reaching the bottom.

Once it was our turn to get off, the ride operator lifted the handlebar so we could hop out. Noah got out first and took my hand in his to assist me. He didn’t let go, even when we walked down the steps and were standing on equal footing again. The way he was holding my hand felt different from all the other times he had held it. Maybe it was because I knew he had feelings for me, the same way I had feelings for him. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze in a way that made me feel like I belonged to him—every part of me. After all, he half contributed to my creation. I owed him my life.

“Hey, you guys!” Vanessa called out. “How was the ride?” She left her sister’s side and swiftly approached us. I watched as she threw her arms around Noah’s neck and kissed his cheek.

Well, things got awkward pretty fast, didn’t they!

“It was great,” I replied, plastering on a fake smile. For some reason I felt wickedly evil, but I didn’t care.

Noah’s body tensed up like he wanted to reject her affection (or maybe that’s just how I interpreted it). He didn’t let go of my hand, but hugged her back with his free arm. I was relieved when she finally released him. God, was she ever clingy!

“Honey, let’s go on a ride!” Vanessa exclaimed to Noah, her blue eyes gleaming with artificial allure.

If he went, I was seriously going to be livid.

How dare she try to steal my beautiful memory and fuck it up with her plastic fakeness!I fumed in the privacy of my mind.

“Actually, Aria’s not feeling too well.” Noah gave me this cryptic look, which I quickly deciphered.

I played along. “Yeah, I think I’m coming down with a cold or something.”

Vienna stepped forward and pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. I wasn’t too comfortable with her motherly gesture. It just wasn’t necessary. But I said nothing.

“She does feel a bit feverish.”

If you only knew why,I giggled inside.

“Aw, sweetie,” Vanessa cooed, “hopefully it’s a forty-eight-hour bug.”

Hopefully you’ll get a bug up your ass and die!Okay, gross and uncalled for.

“Let’s go home,” said my stepmom. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I had an amazing time tonight.”

Vienna wrapped her arm around her sister’s shoulder and smiled. “That haunted funhouse was my favorite. It’s too bad you two didn’t come. There was this part where a guy with a chainsaw was supposed to jump out at us, but he tripped and fell flat on his face. I know my initial instinct should’ve been to ask if he was all right, but I couldn’t stop my laugh attack.”

“I guess that’s better than a heart attack!” My stepmom sniggered along with her sister while I rolled my eyes at the lame joke.

We started back toward the car with Vienna and Vanessa walking ahead of us. Noah and I followed behind them hand in hand. He kept caressing my thumb with his, and it made me blush because it was a secret reminder that we had something more going on between us, something we both were ready to explore. Or so I hoped. That kiss was the best birthday gift ever. Nothing could ever top it … unless we went further. Of course, there was still the undeniable fear that he would push me away or admit that he made a mistake, but I didn’t want to think or worry about all the what if’s. His kiss had affected me to the core. I knew I wouldn’t fully recover for at least a week. I was secretly anticipating the next moment when he would kiss me like that again.

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