Page 107 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

“Are you all right? Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’re not going to fall. I promise.”

“No, I know. I just …”

You can do this, say it.I closed my eyes briefly and allowed the music to make me brave.

“Aria?” He sounded concerned.

This was it. It was now or never.

“I’m … I …”

Dammit! Quit stuttering!

“You’re starting to worry me—”

“I’m in love with you!” I’d finally blurted it out—those five words that had been held back on the tip of my tongue for months, begging to be expressed. At last, I had mustered up the courage to speak them out loud, in the open.

Noah stared at me, frozen like a statue, as our passenger car moved upwards again. My heart was beating so fast, I was sure I was going to have a heart attack and die.

Don’t freak out, don’t freak out,I kept repeating in my head when we reached the top. We were right smack in the center, an outstanding three hundred feet in the sky.

He parted his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“Please say something,” I begged in a quiet voice, immediately regretting my courageous confession.

Stupid, stupid, Aria.

“Sweetie, I …” He struggled with his words. “I’m your father.”

I imagined picking up a knife and stabbing myself in the chest. This was so humiliating. I wanted to die. Had I really been reading all the signs wrong? There was a part of me that so badly believed he was capable of returning my feelings.

“Don’t you feel the same way?” I asked. “Ever since the moment we met, I’ve felt a connection between us. You can’t deny that, Noah.”

I was trying to confine my emotions, but I could feel my tears forming, as the dam that held back all my feelings quickly broke, regardless of any resistance on my part. The river was running wild now, and I had no control anymore.

“I’ve been sensing that you’ve been developing strong feelings for me,” he finally said, “and I think that it would be a good idea if we got counseling together.”

“What?”

No, no, this can’t be happening.

“I know this amazing therapist who counseled me through my drug addiction, and I actually went and saw him earlier this week.”

“Are you trying to ship me off to a crazy hospital?” I felt so hurt and betrayed for some reason. How could he have kept this from me?

“What? No, of course not, Aria!” His face contorted. “We wouldbothget counseling. There’s a reason why you feel this way about me, sweetheart, and it’s normal—given our circumstances.”

It all sounded so rehearsed, like he had played this conversation over and over in his head. I hated it. How could he be so calm and relaxed about all this, while I was totally freaking out?

“Stop! I’m not getting any damn therapy!”

Noah was about to say something, but stopped.

Why isn’t this damn ride moving?It was taking forever as we dangled in the air. Maybe something had happened to the gears and they needed to do a maintenance check. I secretly hoped the Ferris wheel would just burn to the ground, killing me along with it.

“These feelings won’t go away, Noah. They never will, no matter how much therapy you think it’ll take to cure me. What I feel for you is not curable!”

Yes, that’s exactly how I felt about it. It’s like he was asking me to change my sexuality, which was impossible.

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