Page 53 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

Three months had quickly gone by since I moved to LA, and I still kept in touch with Jade and Ally. I was looking forward to their visit in the summer. But somehow I didn’t think they would particularly like the people I socialized with. We used to make fun of the snobby rich kids at my old school. At present, not only was I associated with those kinds of people, but I was BFFs with a majority of them. To sum up, my life had taken quite a twist. I was much happier, though. It was better than living in the grungy side of NYC with my abusive stepdad.

What was my relationship with Noah like? If there was an award for best father of the year, he’d have won it. Moving in with him only intensified my feelings for him. I still couldn’t feel that father-daughter bond, although he did try his best to develop that between us. The only person that was distracting me from those feelings was Ryan Taylor: a tall, handsome, gray-eyed jock at my high school. He was captain of the football team, and definitely boyfriend material. Ever since I’d gone to one of his games, he couldn’t take his eyes off me (even though he was seeing someone at the time). My friend Jessica told me that he dumped his girlfriend the next day and that there were rumors circulating that he wanted to pursue me. She encouraged me to date him because she had a personal vendetta against his ex, but I told her that I wasn’t one to rush into things. Don’t get me wrong, the guy was hands-down hot, but he could never measure up to the perfection of the man I was living with. Noah was just so heart-crushingly handsome, and I confess this with a heavy, swooning sigh. The two of us had strengthened our trust. I’d say it had even grown stronger than my relationship with my mother. It amazed me that we had got so close in such a short amount of time.

Noah had this tendency to show up at random at school. He usually picked me up during lunch hour or whenever I had a spare and took me out to eat, surprising me with little gifts, spoiling me at every opportunity. He made me feel so special and loved. I felt this new sense of pride in him as his daughter. It was kind of like,Wow, this is my dad. He’s amazing, there’s only one of him, and he’s mine.I was trying so hard to adapt myself to my new environment and lifestyle. Most of all, I wanted him to be proud of me.

My girlfriends frequently came over. At first I thought it was because they were in love with the house, but then I concluded that it was because of Noah: hot dad, hormonal teenage girls, all in the same room—what do you get from that equation? Obnoxious flirtation, that’s what. Fortunately for me, he usually barricaded himself in his office or the gym whenever my gal pals dropped by.

California was beginning to feel like my home, like I really belonged there. I was so happy to have escaped the chains of my life in New York. Rob couldn’t hurt me anymore. Noah would never let him hurt me again.

****

It was mid-March, and I was in my room studying for a chemistry test. Even though I knew about ninety percent of the material, my mind was elsewhere. All four universities that I had applied to had accepted me, on the condition that I maintain my grade point average. The deadline to accept my offers was June 2. I was torn between Berkeley and Columbia. I wanted to stay in California to be close to Noah, but I also wanted to go to Columbia with Jade and Ally because it was something we had been planning forever. The thought of leaving him gave me severe separation anxiety.

“Are you ready to hit the beach?”

Speak of the devil.

“The beach?”

“Uh—yeah. Come on, take a study break.”

I placed my binder down and looked up at Noah. He flashed that irresistible smile that always left me speechless.

“Don’t you have dinner plans with Vanessa?” I asked.

“Plans have changed.” He slowly slid his hands into his pockets. “Let’s go. The weather is beautiful. I’ll let you drive the Mercedes …”

He didn’t need to bribe me with fancy cars. I was happy to even go grocery shopping with him.

“I’ll get changed real quick.”

“You’re the best. I was beginning to get cabin fever. No joke. Meet me in the garage when you’re ready.” He kissed the top of my head and walked out of my bedroom.

I loved cruising around LA with Noah. It was spontaneous and fun. Every time he took me out for a drive, we wound up going someplace new, either for a bite to eat or for a simple smoothie. No matter what we did or where we went, I was guaranteed a great time because I was withhim.

Recently, I had picked up a habit of trying to match my wardrobe to whatever color scheme he was wearing. So, with that in mind, I changed into a pair of faded blue shorts (that were really way too short) and a white crop top that showed enough tummy and cleavage. The California sun had done wonders to my pale complexion. I loved being tanned, and I definitely looked more sun-kissed than usual as I evaluated my figure in the mirror. My hair had grown longer since I’d moved here, and I loosened my ponytail, brushing out my wavy brown locks. Afterwards, I fished through my handbag for some cosmetic essentials, quickly brushing on some gloss before heading to the garage. Noah always said that I didn’t need any makeup to look beautiful, which is why I usually kept my daytime makeup to a bare minimum: gloss, mascara, and black eyeliner, right along my lower lids. Thankfully, I never had to battle breakouts or acne. I guess I was naturally blessed with great skin. Maybe I got that from his side of the gene pool.

I felt an elephant stampede in my stomach when I stepped through the back door and approached the silver Mercedes. It was a brand-new convertible, and Noah looked so sexy behind the wheel. The engine vroomed as I got in beside him and strapped on my seat belt.

“I’ll let you drive on our way back,” he said. “I want to test out this new sound system. I think you’ll be impressed.” He smiled at me and connected a flash drive to the USB port in the stereo.

Boys and their toys,I thought to myself.

“Sit tight, beautiful.” He turned on the stereo and pulled out of the driveway.

A blast of bass vibrated through my body as the sound waves pumped the beating organ in my chest. Biologically, that was impossible, I know. But it didn’t feel like my heart was mechanically working on its own.

“You listen to Dash Berlin?” I couldn’t hide my smile.

Noah glanced at me and shouted over the music. “You forget that I’m not that old, Aria!”

****

Convertibles are fun for a reason. Driving on the road with the top down was just amazing. It was freeing. I closed my eyes and raised my arms in the air as we hit the freeway, feeling the wind blow through my hair. A remixed version of Edward Maya’s song “Stereo Love”was blasting from the stereo speakers, giving me the chills. I was pleasantly surprised by Noah’s music selection. He listened to pretty much everything I loved, which was awesome. I didn’t feel like I was riding in a car next to my dad. If anything, I felt like I was sitting next to my best friend, someone I was badly crushing on. Was this what being in love felt like? Or was I just high on the insane house beats? I couldn’t tell anymore. All I knew was that in those short minutes, nothing and no one else mattered. It was just me, Noah, and the sunset on the horizon.

The song ended and the music transitioned to a track by Paul van Dyk, “Let Go.”My heart was beating crazy fast because I wanted to confess something that I had been dying to get off my chest for the longest while. I was too chicken to say it out loud.

Just unfasten your seat belt, lean into his ear, and say it.I tried to find my confidence.

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