Page 50 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

He sighed and grabbed the extra pillow that laid beside me. “Sleep well, Aria.”

I remained silent and stole a peek at him. He was hovering around the dresser, taking some clothes before he switched off the bathroom light and walked out. I was alone again. Was it frustration I was feeling? Maybe I was mad at myself for developing an emotional dependency on him too soon. Feeling troubled and confused, I closed my eyes and tried to force my body to shut down and sleep, regardless of my new list of anxieties.

****

Something pulled me out of my dreams when I felt the edge of the mattress sink down on one side. I had no idea what time it was, and I was momentarily disoriented as the covers slowly pulled back. A warm body moved in beside me, sliding a muscular arm around my waist. That familiar smell of citrusy body wash delighted my senses, and I realized right away who it was that was holding me. It was impossible not to recognize that scent. I could feel his chest against my back, and immediately my heart began to accelerate.

Lud-dub … lud-dub … lud-dub …

That was the sound of my blood hitting the walls of the valves that opened and closed in my vital organ.

I was disappointed when Noah backed off. I guess he’d realized that I had nothing covering my waist down, except for a cute pair of lacy panties. He kissed my shoulder and placed a gentle hand on my hip.

“I’m sorry, angel,” Noah whispered in my ear. “I can’t fall asleep knowing I’ve upset you in any way. It’s been a stressful day for me. I should not have got short tempered with you.”

His confession only brought on the waterworks even more. I sniffled and felt him reach over to wipe my tears away. I had no clue why I was crying, but I needed his comfort. I wanted to turn and face him, but he held me in place.

“Don’t turn around—just let me hold you.”

I obeyed and let him cuddle me as close as he possibly could, while he cautiously made sure to keep his lower body from coming in contact with my curvy bottom.

“Close your eyes, princess.”

My deepest desires would have to wait before they could come to life. The last thing I wanted to do was anger him and make him leave again. There was a huge hole in my heart when Noah was far from me, and it would immediately fill up when he was close. Any kind of affection was better than none. It was all I could think about as I closed my eyes and surrendered to sleep.

****

For the first night in a long time, I managed to rest really well. Sleeping beside somebody was something new to me. Noah’s breathing was shallow but he didn’t snore, which was great. My stepdad always snored horrendously loudly. I was surprised the neighbors didn’t complain.

Reaching for my cellphone, I glanced at the time; it was almost six in the morning. I still had half an hour before I had to get up, shower, and get ready for school. Trust me when I say this—it wasn’t my body clock that woke me up earlier than expected, or the city traffic below, or even the sun shining through the blinds. Something was poking me and slowly grinding against me. I knew exactly what it was. I couldn’t move. Noah had tightly locked me in his arms. The disturbing part was that I didn’t even want to get up.

I began to wonder, when and at what point during the night did our bodies mold into each other so intimately? And then it occurred to me that it didn’t matter. What mattered most was that I was conscious of it now. He was in a deep sleep, and I feared to move or breathe in a different rhythm because I didn’t want to wake him. I wanted to relish in our accidental intimacy. Evidently, he was aroused, and I blushed when I acknowledged my own excitement.

Strap me in a straitjacket and ship me off to the psych ward, please!

Holding my breath in panic, I listened to him mumble in his sleep, grinding harder into me. Noah made me shiver when he rubbed my tummy and slid his hand up to my breast … grabbing it.

Oh-my-God-kill-me-dear-Lord-now.

My pulse was racing, my stomach was caving, and I was turned on beyond understanding. I wanted him. I wanted him badly, and my body surrendered to my secret impulses, as I slowly began to grind back on him. A quiet but pleasurable groan escaped his lips while squeezing my breast in a sexual way.

“Mmm … Vanessa …”

Well, I guess it was obvious who he was dreaming about, since it definitely wasn’t me. My sinful desire quickly vanished, and I felt a twinge of jealousy when I heard him mumble his wife’s name again. I hadn’t even met this Vanessa woman, and already I felt an extreme dislike of her. With annoyance, I moved his hand away and fled from his arms.

What a great way to start my morning.This really put me in a downer as I headed to the bathroom to freshen up.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Thanksgiving

November 24, 2011

New Castle, New Hampshire

Thanksgiving at the Miller residence was always a very important holiday to John and Rose Miller. It was a time of celebration, to be close with family and give thanks for all their blessings, yet Aria couldn’t find anything to be thankful for that year. She was staying at her grandparents’ home for the weekend with her mother, her stepfather, and the twins. Her grandmother had cooked up a traditional dinner that consisted of a delicious stuffed turkey, green beans, peas, mashed potatoes, and fresh-baked cornbread. Aria loved her cooking, which was the only thing to look forward to whenever her family came to visit.

Her granddad was very fond of board games; Scrabble and Monopoly were his all-time favorites and Aria always enjoyed playing with him, but that year she had grown tired of the tradition. She wasn’t ten years old anymore. As tedious as the games had become, she didn’t have the heart to say no to her grandfather that afternoon, so she humored him and remained a good sport about it too.

---