Page 106 of I Shouldn't Feel This Way

“It’s approximately three hundred feet tall.”

“Damn,” I muttered.

We settled into our seat and waited for another worker to bring down the handlebar.

Slowly, the wheel began to turn, floating upwards a couple feet. I was getting anxious as we stopped to dangle in the air every now and then, going higher and higher while other people got on the ride.

“You look nervous, Aria.”

“Me? I’m good.” I tried to sound convincing. “I’ve been on Ferris wheels, just never been on onethis high before.”

“It’s always scarier when you reach the top,” said Noah. “You have a moment where you just hold your breath for a couple seconds. The trick is not to look down. Once the wheel rotates, you’ll find that it’s not so bad.”

“Most people wouldn’t label the Ferris wheel a scary ride.”

“It’s scary if you’re afraid of heights.”

I shifted in my seat, feeling a little uneasy.

“Are you afraid of heights, Aria?”

“Nope.” I tried to sound calm, cool, and collected, despite the fact that my palms were getting sweaty. I was anxious because he was sitting so close to me. Regardless, I had a good way of ignoring the fear. But my anxiety only worsened when Noah began to rock the car.

“Oh my God!” I clutched the handlebar. “Stop! We’re going to fall!”

He chuckled wickedly, pulling me closer to him. “I guess someoneisafraid of heights. Relax—we won’t fall.”

I was now pressed against his body as he hung his arm around my shoulder. The car rocked back and forth until it eventually stopped moving. My heart was beating fast and erratically, like the fluttering wings of a hummingbird, but I closed my eyes and calmed my nerves.

The wheel kept rotating backward, filling the other passenger cars with people. We were almost halfway up in the air now. The booming bass that pumped through the speakers sent sound waves into the atmosphere, vibrating right through my chest in a synchronized rhythm. I recognized the song. It was a track by Micha Moor, “Love Is Chemical.”

Being with Noah felt like I was on a never-ending thrill ride, and I didn’t want to get off. I was riding an emotional roller coaster, day in and day out. I felt like I was in constant danger of exposure, and there was never a guarantee that I’d make it off the ride in one piece.

Anything manmade is flawed and can run into complications. Does that mean that human emotions are flawed and complicated as well? Our hearts can break, our minds can break, and our bodies can break just like a machine, yet life just keeps on going. Even if you feel like everything in your world is frozen, life doesn’t stop.I was lost in a mist of thoughts.

Noah leaned in closer, his lips barely brushing against my earlobe. “What are you thinking about?”

“Just … how beautiful everything looks from up here.”

“Yeah, it’s amazing.”

I slowly relaxed against him, listening to the lyrics that echoed in my ears. They sounded so beautiful, and I found myself relating every special meaning behind the words to me and him.

We were moving again, floating toward the starry sky, and it was right there in that moment that I knew I was ready to admit how I felt about him. There were five words I had been dying to say to Noah for a while now, and everything felt so perfect. I mean, we were on this amazing ride, just the two of us, and this incredible song just happened to be playing, setting the mood, adding to the romantic ambiance around us, like an epic soundtrack in a perfect romance movie. How could this all have been a coincidence? I desperately wanted to believe that someone or something out there truly wanted us to be together. Maybe it was my warped-out delusional mind fooling me, but I knew that fighting my feelings for him was impossible at this point. No longer could I dance this paso doblethat we did around each other. I wanted more. My body, my heart, and my soul desired every part of him. He needed to know that—even if it meant I’d lose him forever.

Nothing lasts forever.

A bond between a father and daughter does.

I replayed the conversation in my head, word for word. And I decided to trust in him. Whatever would happen, I had to believe that he would never abandon me again. Maybe I was reading too much into the secret symbolism within everything around us, but I knew I needed to tell him.

Aria, the hopeless romantic.That was me.

“Noah?” I turned my head and looked at him, bracing myself for that crucial moment where all my secrets would spill out.

“Yes, baby?” He met my eyes and held my gaze, flashing a gentle smile.

Okay, I can do this. I’ll just tell him how I feel. What’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like he can run away from me. We’re floating in the freaking air.I resolved to console myself as my fingers lightly brushed against his on the handlebar. It felt electric, like a strong volt of electricity flowing through my body and shocking my heart to life. My breath slightly quivered as I struggled to speak. It was so damn difficult to look at him and confess these feelings. I was scared out of my mind, absolutely terrified.

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