Page 69 of Versions Of Us

“Sobebetter,” he says earnestly. “She deserves to know the truth.”

He’s right. Kristen does deserve to know the truth and I wish Icouldtell her. My chest starts to heave, my eyes beginning to burn, reminding me yet again that my body is physically incapable of allowing me to speak the words.

“I can’t,” I manage to choke out.

I turn my back to him again, but he doesn’t let it go. “But if you…”

“I said I can’t tell her, okay?” My voice comes out much louder than intended. Fiercer. Meaner.

EJ takes a step back away from me, his arms held up in surrender, but instead of aiming a look of disgust my way as he’d done last week, he looks at me with pity. “Okay, man. But I think you’re making a mistake. Maybe you just need a little more time.”

“Maybe. Look, just promise me you won’t tell her,” I plead with him.

When and if Kristen finds out about the past, she needs to hear it from me.

And she needs to hear the full story.

“I won’t,” he says, walking toward me. “I’m sorry man. I didn’t come here to upset you.”

“I know. I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be an asshole,” I say. And I mean it. I’m honestly glad to have my friend back. “It’s just really intense being back here and everything. It feels like I’ve been gone a lifetime. Everything’s different.”

“Yeah. I get that,” EJ says, resting his shoulder up against the wall. “Look, I just wanted you to know there’s no bad blood between us.”

I nod. “Thanks.”

“You still drumming?” he asks. “Music helps, you know?”

EJ has always been a major advocate for music cleansing the soul and all that. I don’t disagree with him.

“It’s hard to play when the entire street can hear me from up there,” I say, gesturing to the loft above. “Besides, there’s not much left of my drum kit. Kristen kind of gave it a beating after I left.”

“Ah yes,” EJ says with a single nod. “She might have mentioned that.”

“She did, huh?”

“Well, bragged is probably a better word for it.”

This earns a laugh from me. And not one of those forced, fake ones I’ve been displaying of late.

“Feel free to come by the studio and jam with me some time,” EJ offers. “Got a brand new Tama seven piece just last week.”

“Nice,” I say, impressed. “I’m not sure Liv would like it if I started coming by though.”

“Let me handle Liv. She’ll come around.”

“She doesn’t know though, right?” I ask. “I mean, you haven’t told her?”

“No.” EJ sighs and I can tell I’m asking too much of him to keep such a huge secret from his wife-to-be.

“Thanks, man. I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I’ll figure my shit out soon, okay?”

My secret is bigger than me. It’s bigger than me and Kristen. It’s now affecting my best friend’s relationship too, spilling over into other facets of my life like rain through a floodgate that I can’t seem to keep shut.

Chapter 30

KRISTEN

It didn’t take Mackenzie too long to get settled into my spare room. Unsurprisingly, considering the only belongings she had on her fit neatly into a small duffle bag. Now that she’s here, I want to know more about her. I want to know her story and where she comes from.

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