Page 112 of Versions Of Us

He turns to me, swallowing hard before he answers. “I thought of you, Kris. Sometimes it got so dark inside my head, but then I thought of you, and it kept me going. I can still picture that night so clearly, as though I’m reliving it all over again. I can’t forget that sound. I can’t unsee…” he trails off, unable to say anymore.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, blinking away another tear before it trails down my cheek. He reaches out and swipes it away with his thumb.

“Not as sorry as I am.” His icy blue eyes are intense, glassy like glaciers. “I almost killed someone, Kristen.”

“But you didn’t.”

He shakes his head in despair. “I’ve messed up so many lives. I’ve ruined everything.”

“None of this is your fault, Henley.” I pause, remembering why he’d gone to see my father in the first place. He’d gone there for me. “You did it all for me,” I say softly. “You wanted to marry me.”

A crack rips through my chest knowing I’ve treated this man terribly. A man who would literally do anything for me.

His chest rises with a heavy breath, then he looks away from me back to the river. “I’ve had some bad days since then. Days where I just sat and thought about how you deserved to be with someone better. Someone like Chase. Not some screw up like me.”

“Stop. Don’t you dare say that,” I plead with him. It’s killing me to see him like this.

“It’s true. I only ever wanted to be someone you could depend on. I still do. I want it more than anything. I know I’m not worthy of you, Kristen.” A lone tear falls, trailing its way down his cheek. But I’m never going to stop trying to be.”

I grab his face between my palms and force him to look me in the eyes. “Henley, this was a horrible accident. You saved my sister. You brought her to me. I love you for that.” My hands move into his hair as I whisper. “I loveyou.”

His ocean blue eyes stare back at mine as tears stream silently from each one. “I love you too, Kris. You know I always have.”

And then I’m climbing into his lap, my arms wrapped firmly around him. At first, he doesn’t move, his body rigid beneath me, but then his arms find their place around my waist, and he buries his face into my neck. I feel his breath warm on my cheek as he exhales, his body slumping as the tension leaves him. I hold onto him so tightly, as though if I squeeze him hard enough, I’ll be able to mend all of his broken pieces back together.

“I wish you’d told me. I wish I could have been there for you.” I tell him. “You have to let me be here for you.”

“I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again.” His voice comes out muffled against my neck, each word piercing my heart.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’ll always be here. We’re gonna be okay.”

I hold him tighter as his shoulders shake with the release of the pent-up emotion he’s carried with him for the last six months.

And I don’t stop holding him.

Not even when his tears stop flowing and the violent sobs that wrack his body finally cease.

Chapter 44

HENLEY

Kristen lies beside me, her head resting on my chest. Her fingertips trace the tattooed lines that run from my shoulder down to my bicep. This is something she always used to do, and I’ve missed it. I’ve missed all of it.

The way her dark chocolate hair splays out behind her on the pillow, the warmth of her breath on my shoulder as she sleeps.

After everything that’s happened, I never imagined I’d get her alone up here in my loft, but here we are, having just shared the most intimate moments of our relationship. I’ve known Kristen for what feels like forever, but I’ve never felt closer to her than I do right now.

Having her back in my life is all I’ve ever wanted, but I know that her forgiveness doesn’t mean anything unless I can learn to forgive myself. That road is going to be a long one, but I’m on my way.

She sniffles softly, nuzzling further into my torso and it’s then I realise she’s crying.

“Hey,” I say, catching a tear with my forefinger. I tilt her face upward towards mine. “Those better be happy tears.”

“I am happy.” She offers me a weak smile that doesn’t meet her eyes.

“But…?” I ask.

I need her to share her insecurities. In the past Kristen hasn’t always been an open book. She’s kept her feelings guarded, but we can’t afford to be anything but completely transparent with each other now. Not after everything.

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