Page 113 of Versions Of Us

“I just can’t help thinking about all the time we’ve lost.” She gazes up at me, her hazel eyes spilling with sorrow. “The time that’s been stolen from us. And all the time I’ve wasted hating you when you didn’t deserve it.”

“I know.” I’m reminded of the conversation I had with Old Tommy in the bar this afternoon. So much has happened since then, it feels like a lifetime ago, but his words will forever be etched in my mind.

Do you have the guts to take your own advice?

I’m under no delusions that everything will be easy now that Kristen has accepted me back into her life. I know that moving on is going to have its challenges, no matter which path I choose to take. But I also know that I can get through anything with her by my side.

“I guess we need to try and put it in the past and focus on the time we have left. Make every day count.”

“Like a fresh start?” she asks, entwining her fingers through mine.

“Yeah,” I answer. “Like a fresh start.”

“I like that,” she says.

The corners of her mouth lift upward as she snuggles in closer to my chest again. She curls her arm over my shoulder but her hand stills when her fingers glide over the raised skin across my back. I feel her chest expand with air as she takes in an anxious breath, her eyebrows pinching together in a frown.

“It’s okay,” I reassure her, combing my fingers through her hair. “I’m okay.”

“You weren’t kidding,” she states softly. “When you said you were shanked with a toothbrush.”

I want to lie to her. Say anything to stop her eyes searching mine for all the things I haven’t been able to say. But I won’t do that. “No. I wasn’t.”

What I won’t tell her though, is that I was targeted in prison. That Ethan Davis had paid off one of his subordinates to do his dirty work from the outside, attacking me in my sleep in the middle of the night.

I’ll tell her eventually, but she’s had enough for one day. I don’t want to scare her, and honestly, I’m enjoying her company too much to bring it down with any more sad stories.

“I can’t even begin to understand what you must have been through.” She brushes loose strands of hair from my forehead, her fingertips tenderly grazing their way down the side of my face to my jawline.

“It’s okay,” I say again.

“It’s not,” she says sympathetically. “It’s not fair. I wish I had of been there.” She drags her hand downward, covering the place where my heart beats with her palm.

“You’re here now. That’s enough.”

She nods and I wrap my arms tighter around her waist, pulling her body against mine. She kisses me like she’s afraid to lose me again and I hold her as though this is my last day on earth.

Eventually, she drifts off to sleep and I stay awake as long as I can, watching her lie peacefully in my arms, grateful for second chances.

Sleep finally comes for me, but when I wake, I can tell that it’s still dark outside by the lack of light coming in through the crack in the curtains. I reach for my phone on the nightstand, glancing at the time on the screen. I expect it to be somewhere around the middle of the night, but I’m surprised to find it’s just after five in the morning. This is the longest I’ve slept consistently without waking up since I can remember. I smile to myself as Kristen stirs beside me.

“You alright?” she murmurs, her lips on my neck.

“Never been better,” I whisper.

And I mean it.

This has been the first restful night I’ve had in over six months. The first without broken sleep. The first without cold sweats and panic attacks. I’ve woken with a sense of optimism. I realise now that I’m not what happens to me. I’m what I choose to become.

And I’m ready to be the man Kristen needs me to be.

I’m ready to be enough.

“Hey,” I whisper, pressing my lips to her forehead. “I want to show you something.”

“Now?” she asks, one eye fluttering open. Kristen has never been much of a morning person despite all the early shifts she’s pulled at the Haven.

“Yeah. Right now.”

---