At the mention of my period, Marshall looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Okay, well, just be sure you don't put yourself in a position you will get hurt, Mora." Marshall stood. "I don't want to see you hurt again."
"Is there no other way he can leave the Fehu, Dad? I mean, have you absolutely exhausted all options that would allow us to be together as a family?" I should have asked it eleven months ago, but I was too hurt then.
Marshall looked at his toes. "Thank you for letting me babysit. I'm glad you aren't lumping Zander with the father's responsibilities," he ignored my question.
I sighed, "Zander babysits so I can go to aerial, that's enough to burden him with. He deserves his own chance at love," I reminded Marshall. "He's out with Jasper and Warren tonight enjoying the female attention."
"I thought Warren was with Sophie now?" Marshall asked confused.
"Yes, Sophie is there too. They've been dating exclusively for six months now. Sophie is starting to look at engagement rings."
Dad smiled. "Tabitha is too."
"Alex isn't there yet, Dad," I worried.
"I know," Marshall shrugged. "I'm not interfering in it. He's dating an older woman and should realize that she'll want things to move faster. I've seen the way she coos over Jacob. She's ready to get in the family way."
I chuckled, "It's the opposite for Sophie. Warren is the clucky one out of those two. I suspect he'll suggest getting their own place before he thinks of marriage."
"What about you and Jasper?" Dad asked. I'd known he'd been curious to know if Jasper and I were still intimate, but it's not something you ask your daughter.
"That basically finished two months before Jacob was born," I admitted. "He's dating again, and I'm happy for him."
"And the musician you write songs with occasionally?"
"Also dating a Christian woman who takes issue with me being an unmarried mother." I swapped Jacob to the other breast. "Thank your brotherhood for that for me by the way. I love the stigma still attached to being a single mother, despite having been married conceiving my child."
Marshall looked at his feet again. "You're never going to forgive me for that, are you?"
I looked at my father, and it pained me that I couldn't forgive him. "You know I'm only shitty because I saw Darius tonight, right?" I asked. I needed him to understand I wasn't hating him every minute of every day.
"I should go. I'm glad the concert went well. I'm proud of you for making your natural talent work for you." Marshal leaned down and kissed my forehead.
"Thank you for babysitting, Dad. Jacob is really picky about who I leave him with."
Marshall smiled, "Thank you for letting me be part of your lives, Mora."
Dad left and I finished feeding Jacob. He went to sleep like usual after his night feed. I put him to bed with the recording Warren gave me of Darius playing the piano and singing. Jacob always slept well hearing that as he went to sleep.
***
Zander arrived home just before midnight and snuck up the hall to smile at Jacob sleeping in his cot. As he came back, he stuck his head in and looked at me. He was tipsy. Zander wasn't a big drinker, he always knew when he was reaching that fine line between happy and intoxicated and stopped. I was lying awake on my bed looking at him. Zander came in, sat down next to me, and wiped the tears from my cheek.
"He came to the concert, didn't he?" he asked gently. I nodded. "Did he talk to you?"
"He drove me home," I murmured.
Zander's jaw clicked. "Did you sleep with him?"
I closed my eyes, freeing more tears. Zander sighed, stood up, and pulled his shirt off before dropping his pants to the floor. He lifted the quilt and climbed beneath it, pulling me into his arms. I rested my head on his chest and cuddled him.
I could smell another woman's perfume on him. I remembered Darius climbing into bed with me wearing a perfume that made me sneeze and how disgusted I'd been. That wasn't what happened with Zander. It meant I was safe. He'd already gotten his rocks off tonight and was content to hold me so I wasn't alone.
"He should have taken you to France that first night," Zander murmured as he stroked my hair. "Should have taken you to France and stayed there with you."
"I was seventeen and he was twenty-three. It would never have worked out," I sighed. It's not like seven years had made any difference.
"You could still go," Zander suggested quietly. "Make a home there that he can come back to every weekend."