Page 33 of 2 Books in One Bundle

‘Very much. Your siblings and their spouses are great. I can’t think why you’d have a problem with them.’

And that was the way things were going to stay. With her not thinking about him. At least, not like that.

‘Has it ever occurred to you that if you married me you’d have instant access to them?’ he said. ‘That you’d immediately become part of the something bigger you want?’

‘It has,’ she replied with a nod. ‘Well, once. Briefly. On our way to the dinner. But we both know such a relationship would be built on sand.’

Did they? For his part, he wasn’t sure he knew anything any more. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘It would never be real. It would never truly give me what I want. What I think I deserve. Unless you’re in love with me, of course. Then we might have a chance. Is that the case?’

His heart gave a great lurch. His entire body clenched, every single cell he comprised curling up like a pill bug, and the coffee in his stomach turned acidic. ‘No.’

‘Might it everbethe case?’

‘Absolutely not.’

‘Ouch,’ she said with a wince that he hoped to God didn’t mean shewantedit to be the case because he’d have no idea how to handle that. ‘At least you’re honest.’

‘You should try it some time.’

Her eyes widened for a moment and then she frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Admit there’d be advantages to being married to me.’

‘Such as?’

‘Firstly, your business. With one snap of my fingers—’ he gave one snap of his fingers ‘—I could make Halliday Catering the number one catering company in the country. Even the world.’

‘I think I’d rather do it on my own, thanks all the same.’

‘And then there’s the money,’ he continued undeterred, because he was now in control of this conversation. ‘Consider the costs of bringing up a child. Childcare. Education. Housing. Is a second floor flat really where you’d want to be lugging a pushchair? I could buy us a house with a garden tomorrow. Employ round-the-clock nannies. You’d never have to worry about money again. You could go back to work as soon as you liked. And if that doesn’t sway you, think of the sex. I can’t imagine getting bored with that any time soon. Can you?’

Her gaze dipped to his mouth and darkened. ‘No.’

‘Love is no guarantee of happiness,’ he said, resisting the sudden blinding urge to lean over, take her face in his hands and kiss the daylights out of her because, for what had to be the first time ever for him, that wasn’t important. ‘I like you. I admire everything you’ve achieved. Lots of marriages are built on less. Think of the bigger picture. Think of the aunts and uncles our child would have on tap. The cousins to play with. The grandmother, although I admit that might not be such a draw. We’d be a family, a unit, and one that could even expand. You’d no longer be alone. You’d have all the things you’ve always wanted, except one. Wouldn’t that be something?’

For a while Mia didn’t say anything. She just sat there, barely moving, as if somehow winded. The seconds ticked by. He could practically see her working through what he’d said, and he waited, his breath stuck in his lungs, for her response, which came a moment later.

She gave herself a shake, cleared her throat and swallowed hard. ‘I tell you what,’ she said with a tiny jut of her chin. ‘You address the points I just made and I’ll promise to think about it. How does that sound?’

What? No. Out of the question. Why on earth would he lay out all his flaws for her inspection? He had been reckless on many occasions, but he wasn’t completely out of his mind. And what did she think she was doing, turning the tables on him? Wasn’t the leverage supposed to be his?

‘That sounds like blackmail,’ he said, flabbergasted.

‘Call it what you like,’ she said with unbelievable cool, ‘but you’re asking a lot of me. You’re asking me to give up on a major dream of mine, a dream I’ve had for years. I’ve already conceded so much. I agreed to move in here temporarily. I took a step back from my business. I spent three daysresting, which was the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time. What sacrifices have you made? None, as far as I can see. In what areas areyoucompromising? We each owe it to our child to be as baggage free as possible by the time he or she comes along. It’s taken me years, but I’ve dealt with mine. Can you say the same for yours?’

Well, no. He couldn’t. He was aware he had a lot but he’d never addressed any of it. He’d always preferred not to analyse his behaviour or the reasons for it, but to simply live with his issues, as if fearing a hornet’s nest that he might not be able to withstand if he prodded it. So he’d never wondered how his past influenced his present in the way she clearly had. He’d never considered how it might affect his future.

And that had been fine when it had affected no one but himself, but he no longer existed in isolation, he realised with an unsettling jolt. Whether he liked it or not, he now had someone else in his life to consider. Mia. And, in approximately six months’ time, a baby who would be dependent on him for years.

His days of thinking only about himself were over. If he wanted to be better than his own parents, he had to adapt. He had to at leasttryand become a more complete human being. Because his kiddiddeserve the best version of himself, however inadequate that might be.

Currently, he was not that. He didn’t even know what that could look like, although it had to be better than the mess he was at the moment. So perhaps he did need Mia’s help. As she’d said, she’d worked through her issues. Could she sort through his?

Even if she couldn’t, she’d still have to hold up her end of the bargain, and he didn’t have to strip himself bare by telling hereverything. Some things, such as his reasons for not wanting his portrait painted and the black hole of emptiness that lurked inside him, would never be up for dissection.

But others?

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