Page 103 of The Naughty List

“Okay, Carson. What if I said that you’re taking advantage of me. You’re kissing me in a moment of weakness and it’s hurting me; it’s wreaking havoc on my emotions. Then what?”

His jaw flexes and I see his Adam’s apple bob in this throat. “I don’t want to hurt you, Felicity.”

“What would you do then?”

“I guess I’d have no choice but to pack up and go home and put some distance between us so you can heal without me breaking you even more.”

“And what? We’d just never be allowed in the same room at the same time again?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know that what I’m doing is right, but I know preserving our friendship can’t be wrong.”

I’m clearly not getting through to him. An idea hits me. He always says that he can’t deny me when I ask him for something when I smile and bat my lashes. “What if I asked you to fuck me?”

He looks over at me so fast I’m surprised his head didn’t fly off his neck. I look at him from beneath my lashes.

“It doesn’t have to be anything serious. It can just be a fling, some fun between two friends for one night. Would you then?”

“Don’t push me, Felicity.”

I let out a heavy breath.

“You think I’m some kind of saint. That I can withstand every want and need I have. I can’t. I will break eventually, and I’d hate to hurt you in the process.”

I shake my head and look back out the window. Clearly, we’re not getting anywhere like this.

We make it to town square and the place is bustling with townspeople. Everyone is here, ice skating, enjoying the carriage rides, hot chocolate, and gift buying in the Christmas Market they set up every year. We find a parking spot and we both climb out. We meet behind the car and I reach over and take his hand. He looks at me, but lets it go. This isn’t anything we haven’t done before. In big crowds or when one of us was upset, we’d always hold hands so we didn’t get separated or just to ground the other person.

We walk hand in hand to the center of the town square and he pays for us both to ice skate. We take our skates to a bench and sit down to put them on.

“You never told me why,” he says, stealing my attention away from me untangling my skate lace.

“Why what?”

“Why me? Why do you want this so much? I mean, I’m nothing special. In fact, I’m the opposite of special.”

I shake my head as our eyes meet. “Carson, I’ve known since I was seven years old that you were the boy I was meant to love. You don’t see what I see when I look at you. You see a kid who got into too much trouble growing up. You see a boy who was basically left behind by his parents, forgotten about because their troubles seemed more important than yours. I see a friend who has been by my side through thick and thin.” I start putting on my skates.

“I see someone who has put my happiness above your own. Someone who has always taken care of me, protected me, even when I didn’t make it easy for you. And you know what?” I look at him and he looks at me. “I’m perfect for you too. I’ve been the one by your side. I’ve kept you out of trouble. I’ve kept you grounded. And I’ve been patient. I’ve waited for you. I waited while you explored your options with every other girl. I waited while you went off and did what you needed to do to get you to where you wanted to be. But if you’re not ready, I’ll keep waiting until you are. How many other people can you say that about?”

This time, it looks like I’ve gotten through to him. His eyes are unmoving as he watches me. His jaw is flexed and he’s breathing heavy. But I don’t give him time to respond or argue. I want him to think, really think, so I stand up and make my way to the ice.

6

CARSON

Fuck. She’s right, but that doesn’t change the fact that all I’ll do is screw things up between us. I can’t lose her. I won’t lose her. But I can’t deny her either. She said that this could just be fun between two friends. Is that true? Could we keep it casual? I look up at her skating on the ice and she looks beautiful, elegant, free. Her long dark hair is blowing in the breeze and she’s wearing a big smile. Her eyes are lit up, just like they always did when we were kids. Being with Felicity would be like heaven, but I also feel like she’s a perfect ivory angel and to touch her would be to smudge her up like a work of art that hasn’t dried yet.

But how long can I go on resisting her? It’s only a matter of time before she catches me in a moment of weakness. She knows that if she asks me for something directly, I always give her what she wants. I always have. I’ve never been able to deny her. I think she found the loophole and she knows it.

As I make my way out onto the ice, I can’t help but think about what being with her would feel like. I imagine holding her naked body in my arms, against my chest. I think about how soft and sweet her lips are. I think about sliding into her heat, hearing her moan a sigh of relief the moment we become one. My blood begins to boil beneath my skin and I have to push the thoughts away before my body gets away from me.

She’s coming around just as I’m stepping onto the ice. She spins around and skates backward as she watches me on wobbling knees.

“What happened? You used to know how to skate.”

I laugh. “That was a long time ago.”

She gives me that breathtaking smile. “I seem to remember a little boy who wanted to be a hockey star. Remember that?”

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