Page 48 of Live To Tell

Yet something I’m increasingly aware of remains tucked away in the recesses of my mind—denial. I can’t deny that mine and Rowan’s shared desire hasn’t already led to unusual behavior for me. Touching and kissing. Sharing emotions. But more? I’m happy for Rowan to remain hesitant because however many times I tell myself bonded witches can’t hurt each other, and that a loss of mental control won’t lead to lust-induced violence against him, doubt nags.

But doubt about that doubt nags too.

I’m not worried I’ll hurt Rowan; I’m worried if I give all of myself to somebody I’ll lose who I am once and for all.

Chapter 16

GRAYSON

Why invite me? I may’ve lured away the shifter attacking Kai, but I spent most of the time impaled against a wall—hardly heroic. Sawyer continues to suck up to Dorian, hence inviting Violet and Rowan. What am I? Part of the package? I snort to myself, now scouting for the bar. Fine. I’ll enjoy some of the free beers, then leave.

Most people stand in groups chatting while enjoying their drinks, others help themselves from the glasses of wine and champagne lined up on the bar. Sawyer allowing free flowing alcohol for their son’s party filled with teens? Legal or not, that’s not the best combination.

Violet had only set one foot in the hotel before her attention switched. She’s intent on finding Kai and clues and didn’t notice when I hung back as she spoke to Kai, then left, bored. Now I wish I had stayed with them, because however much I embrace my loner reputation, I’m singled out more tonight. If I’d worn a suit, that would’ve helped blend in. Ha ha. As if. I only wore one to the Spring Ball because Violet expected me not to.

I lean over a shorter guy who’s standing at the bar and reach for one of the beers beside glasses of champagne. My arm brushes his and the guy jerks, snapping his head around. Human and from the academy because he immediately turns his back and guides away the girl he’s with. I only glimpse the back of her head, where she piled her honey-blonde hair on top. Could be anybody, not necessarily someone I’ve had contact with before.

I knew him though—weaselly faced guy who hung around the edge of Wes’s circle. Not central enough that I’ve encountered him on my old patrol nights, but close enough he avoids me. I wonder who leads the human ape gang now?

Do I actually care?

With a sigh, I take a long drink from the bottle and turn to rest against the metal bar. Maybe I should look for the others, but that would involve subjecting myself to Violet. Each time I see her more relaxed around Rowan and Leif, her smiles for them are like a knife twisted in my heart. Violet does smile at me too, but only after hesitating—and from a distance.

Am I making things too easy for Violet while struggling myself? I want her to deal with the situation by being in the situation. Denial’s easy for Violet when I’m rarely around, and my head’s a mess of indecision. Keep away or place myself in a position where Violet’s forced to confront the reality of ‘us’ that I saw in her room the day I returned to the academy?

“Hi, Grayson.” A female voice snaps me out of my Violet obsessing, and I look down at the girl who approached me.

“Oh. Hey, Marci.”

“You look lost,” she says, and I frown. “Violet lost one of her entourage.”

My brow tugs tighter. “You might’ve noticed that I’m not always with the group.”

“Mmm. Not quite accepted?” She smiles. “Could you pass me a glass?” Marci points behind me. “Not often there’s free champagne on offer.”

“Well, Sawyer’s kid’s eighteenth. Only the best.” I take a fizzing glass and pass it to Marci.

She sips, looking every inch the person who’d drink champagne daily—black cocktail dress and make-up that transformed her from pretty witch to elegant woman. “Are you and Violet together?”

“No. I’m alone. As you can see.”

“No.” She tucks a strand of hair behind an ear. “Together together.”

“Not currently,” I say stiffly and look the other way.

“Oh. You were?” she asks. “Surprises me she manages a relationship with anybody.”

I look back to the witch, who continues to delicately sip at her drink. What’s happening here? Has Marci told Holly the story about Violet’s attack? Violet assured me she hasn’t shared the full facts with Holly, but who knows? Violet’s changes might bring her closer to female friends too.

“How’s Violet’s business suddenly yours?” I ask.

“Whoa. Okay. I’m surprised things lasted this long with Rowan. How are they getting along?” She takes a bigger gulp of the champagne.

A new theory pushes away the creeping suspicion Marci’s hitting on me. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“Violet isn’t good for him.”

“Good for him or good enough for him?” I ask, then set down the half-empty bottle. “I’m not gossiping with you about my friends’ relationship. It’s weird.”

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