Page 29 of Impossible

“So, what’s your answer then?”

Busted. “Ok, sorry, I actually did tune out. I didn’t mean to ignore you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. I was just saying that there’s going to be a mixer on Wednesday night, and I think you should go. Your doctor’s appointment after this will help pinpoint your heat, but a mixer will give you a chance to meet a few packs and start the courting process. It sounds like you might be on a short timeline, so it’s better to get a jumpstart on things.”

“What? No. No way. This is why I want suppressors—I’m not going to sleep with some random group of dudes I don’t even know. That’s insane.”

“Indie, I understand it’s daunting, but you are in good hands. You won’t be forced into anything; you’ll get to meet several packs and choose the one that makes you feel comfortable—”

“I said no.” I get to my feet, the ferocity of the gesture undercut by the immediate headrush that follows, forcing me back down.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine!” I snap. “I’m just not doing that, ok? There’s got to be some other way.”

“Well, I suppose you could register for a medical heat, but I’d really recommend against it, Indie. It’s incredibly painful, and—”

“What is that? A medical heat?”

“You’re locked in a room alone and forced to ride out your heat without the support of a pack.”

“Perfect. Sign me up.”

“Indie, a medical heat is a horrible experience, it’s—”

“I don’t care. That’s what I want.”

Ms. O’Brien’s brow furrows, her hazel eyes liquid with concern. I jut my chin out and glare at her. Her eyes flit to a clock and she stiffens.

“We can discuss this later, Indie. I have a class to get to now. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, I know it isn’t fair. Just know that you aren’t alone, ok? You’ll get to meet Dr. Gray, he’s fantastic, and he’ll be on your team to figure out what the best path forward is. We’ll figure this out together.”

I deflate. “I’m sorry. It just…” I trail off. I was going to say,it just isn’t fair. But, duh. I sink into the leather chair and say, “thanks,” instead.

Ms. O’Brien stands, gathering a few folders in her arms. “I hope you like Dr. Gray. Tomorrow you’ll start regular classes, but we’ll still meet here at the same time, ok?”

I nod, following her out into the hallway. It’s bustling with alphas and omegas, raucous and loud and overwhelming. Ms. O’Brien disappears, and I duck my head and go in the opposite direction, heading to the med hall, keeping my face buried in my map to avoid noticing people staring at me.

Dr. Gray is just as nice as Ms. O’Brien promised, even though he is an alpha. He smells of tanned leather, with salt-and-pepper sideburns and smile lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth. His assistant Alicia—a beta with a faint, boring scent of cut grass—takes my vitals and asks me the basic intake questions, and then Dr. Gray takes over from her and asks me even more questions about my diet and eating habits in a booming voice.

I haven’t been able to weigh myself all weekend, and I’m filled with relief when they read the number out—108.2. Below 110 again, thank God.

“Ok, Indie, why don’t you get dressed, and then we’ll meet in my office to chat?” Dr. Gray speaks brightly, like he isn’t about to admonish me for my weight and force me to eat, or get fed from a tube, or something horrifying.

I dress slowly, taking my sweet time. I realize as I’m dressing that I wish Leon were here—Dr. Gray is nice, but intimidating, and he doesn’t smell the way Leon does. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s like I know that Leon is on my side, just from his smell. Dr. Gray doesn’t have that, no matter the promises Ms. O’Brien made on his behalf.

I follow the sound of voices when I emerge from the exam room. First Dr. Gray’s booming voice, and then, like my prayers are answered, the lower baritone of Leon’s in response.

If I could run without my heart seizing in my chest, I would. I round the door to the office and sag in relief—Dr. Gray sits behind a giant oak desk, Alicia perched nearby, and in one of the two chairs facing the desk, Leon.

They all turn to look at me when I enter, but Leon is all I see. His face lights up.

“Hi, little bird,” he smiles. “Wanted to make sure you were adjusting to the Complex and Ms. O’Brien said I could find you here. Hope that’s ok? I can step out while you talk with Dr. Gray—”

“It’s fine!” I say too quickly. “I mean, you can stay. It’s ok with me, I mean,” I stutter, suddenly bashful. Cloves and cedar wash over me and I want to close my eyes and drown in it. But Dr. Gray and Alicia are watching, so I force myself forwards to sink into the chair next to him instead.

His left arm is next to me, and I watch it flick towards me before coming back to rest in his lap—like he wanted to hold my hand before realizing he doesn’t have one.

“How are you feeling, Indie?” Dr. Gray asks.

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